- Nov 15, 2019
I’ve had OCD since I was fourteen. I’m 26 now. Recently, it’s been worse than ever. The other night i was having sex with my boyfriend and (hate to be so upfront but) we were watching porn. My mind said that the girl in the video looked like a child in my class (I’m a Teacher). I asked my boyfriend if we could change the video and we did and continued to have sex. The next day, I was plagued with the feeling that I’d done something terribly wrong and I felt really anxious. To relieve my anxiety, I began checking images of all of the women I’d watched in porn and making sure they didn’t look anything like the child in my class. They didn’t. Obviously, because I was looking at half naked women, I began to feel horny. I wanted to masturbate. I knew that because of what had happened the other day, I would have intrusive images of the child flashing in my mind whilst I was doing it. I said to myself, no. I’m going to continue living a normal life and ignore these intrusive thoughts. I masturbated, the thoughts came and I ignored them. After, my mind has convinced me that I was masturbating purely because of the child. I know that I wasn’t. I feel sick, I feel dirty and to be honest, I don’t think I Dan live with this. My passion is working with children. I’ve done it for years. Now my own mind has ruined that.