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POCD

S

Scaredandlonely1

New member
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
1
Location
Birmingham
I’ve had OCD since I was fourteen. I’m 26 now. Recently, it’s been worse than ever. The other night i was having sex with my boyfriend and (hate to be so upfront but) we were watching porn. My mind said that the girl in the video looked like a child in my class (I’m a Teacher). I asked my boyfriend if we could change the video and we did and continued to have sex. The next day, I was plagued with the feeling that I’d done something terribly wrong and I felt really anxious. To relieve my anxiety, I began checking images of all of the women I’d watched in porn and making sure they didn’t look anything like the child in my class. They didn’t. Obviously, because I was looking at half naked women, I began to feel horny. I wanted to masturbate. I knew that because of what had happened the other day, I would have intrusive images of the child flashing in my mind whilst I was doing it. I said to myself, no. I’m going to continue living a normal life and ignore these intrusive thoughts. I masturbated, the thoughts came and I ignored them. After, my mind has convinced me that I was masturbating purely because of the child. I know that I wasn’t. I feel sick, I feel dirty and to be honest, I don’t think I Dan live with this. My passion is working with children. I’ve done it for years. Now my own mind has ruined that.
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
34,752
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
I think you know deep down that you have no intention to or don't want to hurt anyone
you are unwell and unfortunately your illness manifests as you questioning certain things
but you wouldn't hurt anyone im sure
there is a massive difference between watching porn and hurting children try not to worry the fact that you are so worried means you know the difference between your wanting to hurt them and just thinking you could
I hope that makes sense
welcome love Lu xxx
 
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