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POCD update 3: Relapse

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FrightenedbyEverything

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
53
Location
England
OK. Hate to spam but I SERIOUSLY need some help again. I'm back to the stage I was at where my false memories, IF they, even ARE false as becoming clear as if they were real. Please contact me via conversation because right now, I'm beginning to freak and I don't wanna talk about it here. :sorry:
 
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FrightenedbyEverything

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
53
Location
England
seriously. needed messages from fellow POCD victims here.
 
F

FrightenedbyEverything

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
53
Location
England
Ok. So, I was browsing another Mental Health forum, this one being more focussed around OCD specifically, And I came across this quote by a user whose name I cannot remember. However, I feel drawn to it as it certainly seems to illustrate my situation to a T. Some of you with POCCD like me probably can relate yourselves.

''there's a very common phenomenon with POCD that goes something like this:
- people start to get the doubts, find them abhorrent and reject them
- the doubts persist so they redouble their efforts
- the doubts persist and get worse, so they start to wonder why and whether they're a paedophile for real
- this ends up in insane amounts of revisiting/rumination and automatic scanning and testing for evidence they could be the monster they fear after all
- then it's only a matter of time until their constant revisiting/testing coincides with them feeling naturally sexually charged or some other coincidence until the person ends up convinced they're a paedophile and feels the need to turn themselves in or confess about it.''

The user describes the phenomenon as the following...

''it's like shooting fish in a barrel for OCD.''

In my mind, this whole post, as transcribed, is a perfect representation of what I myself am going through, minus the ''naturally sexually charged'' part. Throughout the rest of the pointers fit my feelings and overall terror and self-loathing perfectly. Revisiting, rumination, testing redoubling and the doubts keeping me from enjoying a life that I now feel, at least slightly, is undeserved. I guess my ''confession'' was coming here and trying to seek help. I want the cycle to stop, but at the same time, I feel broken as a person and fear what might become of me if ANY of the horrific things my POCD tells me I've done are true. But what does everyone else think of these little pointers? I'd love to know.
 
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