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POCD: update 2: Felling better.

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FrightenedbyEverything

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Apr 30, 2019
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54
Location
England
Hi everyone. Just writing this to let everyone know that for now, after four days of pure hell, my POCD is starting to fade away. It DID everything in its power to try and make me see myself as a former teenage sex offender/p*do by faking, twisting or even removing key details from my memories, even tried to convince me that I deliberately mistook a 9-year-olds feet for a 13-year-olds when I was younger and putting myself through anti-p*do tests. But through sleep, thinking and other coping mechanisms and help from the other POCD suffers here, I was able to see through the fog. I just want to thank all the people here who helped me and talked to me and I wanna say from the bottom of my heart that I wouldn't have made it without you all. No doubt that this kind of mental breakdown will happen again, as tends to be the case with me, but at least I now know I have a place to go. This is a big hug for everyone here. I'll always have my episodes, my phases, my doubts, but thanks to this place, I no longer feel alone. Will keep ya'll update on my progress. Thanks. :grouphug::thanks:
 
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FrightenedbyEverything

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Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
54
Location
England
New update: Had another slip up with another memory of another video. As I said, this could take a while and there's still the feeling of doubt. Wish me luck. :)
 
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EstherRose94

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Mar 2, 2019
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Im glad you’re on your way to feeling better! ☺
 
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FrightenedbyEverything

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
54
Location
England
Y
Im glad you’re on your way to feeling better! ☺
Me too.

Still jumping some obstacles. Keep in mind I didn't even know I had POCD until a few days ago. All these years with these attacks, I've been looking for easy solutions, easy dismissals and It's obvious that the POCD wanted me to do that. It didn't want to be known. If it was, I would have examined my memories in more detail instead of doing crummy patchwork jobs. It truly is an attacker of the subconscious. I don't know how much BS it's made me think. How many memories of anti-p*do tests it's distorted and lied about or the blanks it's left behind, but this I know. I have to clear it up.
 
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EstherRose94

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Mar 2, 2019
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Oh my gosh I didn’t realize you just learned this a few days ago 🙈

You’re doing spectacular.

I’ve known I had OCD for years and it still sneaks up on me. Your insight is impressive.
 
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FrightenedbyEverything

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Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
54
Location
England
Oh my gosh I didn’t realize you just learned this a few days ago 🙈

You’re doing spectacular.

I’ve known I had OCD for years and it still sneaks up on me. Your insight is impressive.
Well, I don't always agree with everything you said, but you were right. By calming down and not panicking, I could rationalise my memories, sort them out as it were. It was about a week ago you see when I first found out about POCD and the symptoms. But even now, It's preventing me from enjoying fun YT videos or food or anything else. It sucks but I'm hoping it goes away soon. This has been going on for over a week now.
 
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EstherRose94

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Mar 2, 2019
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I’m sure it will pass. It tends to peak for a bit and then go away.

Try to eat something or have a shake or smoothie if you can’t eat though because if you’re hungry it’ll make things way worse.

Last week I avoided a panic attack by eating a sandwich and I was just like “hmm...cool trick.”
 
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FrightenedbyEverything

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Apr 30, 2019
Messages
54
Location
England
I’m sure it will pass. It tends to peak for a bit and then go away.

Try to eat something or have a shake or smoothie if you can’t eat though because if you’re hungry it’ll make things way worse.

Last week I avoided a panic attack by eating a sandwich and I was just like “hmm...cool trick.”
Well, I have jusrt had most of my dinner and I am drinking a lot of water. Helps me relax. But right now I'm apprehensive and jumpy.
 
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EstherRose94

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And that’s okay if you disagreed. I was arguing with your POCD a bit on purpose. The arguments it uses aren’t logical although I know they SEEM convincing as hell in the moment.

Eventually you can learn to be like “ugh nice try but that makes no sense thanks” and let those thoughts go on your own.
 
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FrightenedbyEverything

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Apr 30, 2019
Messages
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England
I'm just scared I'm gonna be visiting and revisiting these memories forever. Never getting my life back on track. ALWAYS double guessing.
 
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FrightenedbyEverything

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Apr 30, 2019
Messages
54
Location
England
I'm having a terrible time here. I can't seem the gather what happened and my mind or my POCD wants me to assume the worst. Sometimes I wonder how or even WHY I'm still alive. This coupled with the (hopefully) false accusations surrounding Jim Cummings and my day, maybe even my life is shot, I'm just kicking myself for letting this fester for so long. If I had known about POCD I'd have sought help a loooong time ago.
 
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Tomorrows a new day

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Joined
May 2, 2019
Messages
165
Location
England
Hi, there are some really helpful video's on Youtube about POCD, this illness attacks your inner morality and focuses on your biggest fear. You need to let these thoughts enter your mind and just float away without having an emotional reaction. Easy to say, but it takes time, good luck
 
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