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POCD - Please Help

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scaredbuthopeful

New member
Joined
May 20, 2020
Messages
3
Location
USA
Let me preface all of this by saying this is incredibly, incredibly embarrassing and shameful for me to write, and I would appreciate if you read/responded without judgment. I’m beating myself up enough as it is.

To get right into it, I worked at a summer camp for years when I was younger, and a couple of times when I playing with the kids (crawling/hugging on me) I got gotten a groinal response, not a raging response by any means, not the kind I get when I am turned on, but like one of those dull, blood-is-starting-to flow ones. At the time I kind of got anxious but I just shut it out. I remembered that it happened not too long ago, and I completely freaked and terrified there is something wrong with me. What really scares me is that I realized it happened (like 3 times) with kids of the same gender, and I’m scared that means something, like I “have a preference.” Let me also say that it wasn’t like I was going around playing with or touching the kids. The boys just always wanted to play around and wrestle and jump all over, roughhousing and stuff.

I told my therapist and she wasn’t at all concerned, said that it means nothing evil or wrong about me, and it’s just something that can happen. Having googled relentlessly about it, I can see that’s the case. A lot of men have posted on here about it happening to them, and people usually answer with the same response (oxytocin, response to physical stimulation, something coming into contact with your groin.) She also pointed out to me how I have had very bad relationships with men/male figures my whole life, and being in the position a couple of times where I was experiencing the kind of bonding I didn’t get as a kid and being a “dad-like” figure just caused a hormonal reaction, but not in any sexual sense. Logically, I can understand all of this, it makes sense. And having a therapist tell me it’s nothing to worry about also is helpful. I’ve lived my entire health being attracted to/having sex with adults, and since then, I’ve played with several kids and it didn’t happen, this was when I was a young adult. I just got myself hung up on the gender part of it, scared that it means something deeper.

I've been pretty active in the OCD community since this all started, and it's helped a lot. I don’t really know what I’m posting/asking for, I guess just some reassurance (I know, I know) and to see if anyone else has had any similar experiences. This is one of the scariest things I’ve ever posted, please be kind.
 
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Black Despondency

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 29, 2020
Messages
193
Location
United states
Every time I have gotten a physical since puberty I have started to get an erection. If I'm relaxed it doesn't take much physical stimulation to get an erection. I can add more information about my awkward physical arousal if you want.
 
S

scaredbuthopeful

New member
Joined
May 20, 2020
Messages
3
Location
USA
Every time I have gotten a physical since puberty I have started to get an erection. If I'm relaxed it doesn't take much physical stimulation to get an erection. I can add more information about my awkward physical arousal if you want.
Please do! Do you think there’s anything wrong with my story?
 
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Black Despondency

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 29, 2020
Messages
193
Location
United states
Please do! Do you think there’s anything wrong with my story?
No, there is nothing wrong with your story. My cat like to sleep on my legs and kneads the the softest most squishy thing she can find. Sigh 😑 I need to go to sleep now.:sleepy2: Hopefully my cat will not sexually assault me.
 
S

scaredbuthopeful

New member
Joined
May 20, 2020
Messages
3
Location
USA
No, there is nothing wrong with your story. My cat like to sleep on my legs and kneads the the softest most squishy thing she can find. Sigh 😑 I need to go to sleep now.:sleepy2: Hopefully my cat will not sexually assault me.
Thanks for saying that. So that happens when your cat touches you?
 
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Black Despondency

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 29, 2020
Messages
193
Location
United states
Thanks for saying that. So that happens when your cat touches you?
It depends on if I'm awake then I redirect the cat, if I'm sleeping I will likely wake up with an erection.... Arousal is largely a physical reaction or just happens for no apparent reason for me.
 
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