• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Please ...



New member
Dec 15, 2017
Bear with me, please.
I've been depressed since I was a kid, ive never really had one of those happy moments and no I had no friends, I used to be lonely by nature though smart at school. Dad abusing of my mother and I was awful(we're away from him now). I'm gay, I used to talk to a lot of straight guys, but learnt the harsh way that shouldn't be done, always no matter which way rejected. Got my stuff right at least a bit and then, came my friends. I befriend them at the age of 17 and we always had "fun" but I was always nervous and anxious around them(they know I'm gay though and they're okay with it). But I just do feel what I do. Hadn't gone out/ talked anyone now for a YEAR from home. I feel empty, no motivation, I'm not inspired by anything too and I always crave for a tight hug not by family or friends, just a guy whose shoulder I can lean on, any random(albeit never did hug) except for friends when they pat on shoulder, not lately tho. And I don't work, I have literally phobia of work. Every time I hear "work" I get a kind of nervous heart beating, and unconsciously runaway from it, worked twice and quit after 2 weeks. I always wanted to study astronomy since young literally love space, but now nothing. My mum is sad, my family is sad. I'm sad, I want to do something and I say I will but im scared, and I feel like I'm only holding on to life for my family not to be even sadder and maybe just a cm size of hope.
Anti-depressants are not common in my country, neither is going to the doctor for depression, so I hadn't and can't.
I'm 20. No university. No work. No romance. No money(only thru family). I read novels almost all my time.
Am I that useless? I feel pathetic.. i just want to be free.
Last edited:


Well-known member
Apr 9, 2010
You are struggling and sounds like you have a lot on your shoulders life can be better. Can you see someone a therapist you say its hard to see a doctor can you try to get in contact with a health professional?
No you certainly arent pathetic at all. You have a lot to cope with.
Do keep posting this is a great place of support without judgement,
all the best,
megirl xx