please I need help

G

george81

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Joined
Aug 21, 2019
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2
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birmingham
hello there, I'm new here. Im a 37 year old female. Ive had problems with depression and self harm in the past and when i'm down or upset/worried I lose my appetite and don't eat properly and lose weight. My mom passed away 6 months ago after a short illness and since then I've stopped eating properly and have lost a considerable amount of weight. Im very nearly at a classified 'underweight' weight now and frankly look awful. I feel like i don't deserve to eat and I restrict my eating greatly. I eat enough to keep me going as I have a physical job but apart from then I won't eat. I am drinking alcohol at home on my own now and am taking my mom's left over medication as well. My self harm has increased. I want to die. I feel happy when I've lost more weight and feel disappointed and angry when i've put weight on. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm not anorexic as it's not related to feeling overweight but I just don't feel worthy of eating. I watched my mom literally starve to death through cancer. I can't see how to come back from this and to be honest I don't want to. Sorry if this is triggering or offensive to anyone.
 
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midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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Please get professional help if you are not currently getting help :hug:

You do deserve to eat, i am so sorry to hear about your mum :hug:
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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Please see your GP or go to A&E at the earliest opportunity, your health is at risk.

You need to see a therapist of some kind and get grief counselling to help you deal with the loss of your mum.

I'm so sorry for your loss and sorry to hear about your depression.

You can make it through this with a little help.
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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please don't die
im sure your mummy would want to see you eat and be healthy and happy
please lean on the forum for support but also try and seek professional help as soon as possible
all my love
Lu xxxx
 
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george81

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Joined
Aug 21, 2019
Messages
2
Location
birmingham
Thank you all for your kind replies. I haven't been anywhere to seek help yet but I'm grateful just being able to be on here as I don't want to cause a fuss to anyone in my life. It's exactly 6 months today I lost my mom and things don't really feel much better. I can go to work and appear normal to everyone, laugh and joke and get involved but my heart's not in it and I all I can think is how things will never be how the were. I know everyone has to go through the loss of a parent and it had to happen sometime but not like it did and not so suddenly. I still feel like I don't deserve to eat. I think I'm hoping my heart will just stop in my sleep one night. Thanks again for listening/reading, it means a lot
 
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