- Aug 21, 2019
hello there, I'm new here. Im a 37 year old female. Ive had problems with depression and self harm in the past and when i'm down or upset/worried I lose my appetite and don't eat properly and lose weight. My mom passed away 6 months ago after a short illness and since then I've stopped eating properly and have lost a considerable amount of weight. Im very nearly at a classified 'underweight' weight now and frankly look awful. I feel like i don't deserve to eat and I restrict my eating greatly. I eat enough to keep me going as I have a physical job but apart from then I won't eat. I am drinking alcohol at home on my own now and am taking my mom's left over medication as well. My self harm has increased. I want to die. I feel happy when I've lost more weight and feel disappointed and angry when i've put weight on. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm not anorexic as it's not related to feeling overweight but I just don't feel worthy of eating. I watched my mom literally starve to death through cancer. I can't see how to come back from this and to be honest I don't want to. Sorry if this is triggering or offensive to anyone.
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