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Please I need advice

L

Leogirl 25

New member
Joined
Mar 2, 2021
Messages
1
Location
U.S.
Hello I'm Leogirl! I believe I've been suffering from what I hope and pray is Hocd. It started two years ago when I was talking to another girl I worked with at my previous job about sexuality she happened to be bisexual and then for some reason I asked to I put out a lesbian vibe and she said I thought you were gay and then she asked another coworker right in front of me don't you think she's gay? And I just asked her how do I seem a lesbian? Now mind you I don't have a problem with gay people. I wish them the best I have two cousins that are gay and I still love them all the same. From that moment on that nagging question kept reoccurring in my mind am I a lesbian? Now mind you in my 20s and have never dated anyone for numerous personal reasons being lack of self confidence, they already have a girlfriend, and just being scared of guys as stupid as that sounds. And when I think of being intimate with a woman my stomach literally tenses and then I get really upset and cry because I truly don't want to be a lesbian or bi no offense to anyone that is but I just don't want to be that way but then I think how do I know for sure because I've never dated anyone. I can't even be friendly with the girls I work with without my mind going your being flirty you like her. My mind even making me think I have romantic feelings for one of them and I don't find them physically attractive at all or want to persue a relationship with them but my mind thinks I do and I'm distressed whenever they are around. And whenever I'm around my parents I feel like I'm hiding something and my mind goes it's time to tell them. And I even asked my parents what if I was they went we will love you no matter what but we don't think you are. And knowing this I feel that if I was a lesbian I would feel less stressed about telling them but it still distressing to me and makes me depressed and even want to hurt myself. I even asked coworks I also worked with if they thought I gave out that kind of vibe most said no but two of them who were by the way gay said they thought I was bi. I feel like if I have to keep questioning myself about it then I guess I'm not. Because growing up I never though about my sexuality I just thought I'd grow up get married to a man and have kids. Being gay was just something not talked about in my house growing up. Not talked against just not talked about. I want to got to therapy but can't afford it. And it's so distressing constantly questioning in my head and seeing woman day to day and wondering and asking myself are you attracted to them? I can't even watch shows that have gay couples because I'm afraid it'll mess me up. I got on this forum to hopefully get feed back from people dealing with this. I wish anyone who's dealing with this recovers. Any feedback I can get would help. Wish any other ocd suffers luck
 
OmniscientNihilist

OmniscientNihilist

Former member
Joined
Dec 9, 2020
Messages
1,778
Location
Canada
Hello I'm Leogirl! I believe I've been suffering from what I hope and pray is Hocd. It started two years ago when I was talking to another girl I worked with at my previous job about sexuality she happened to be bisexual and then for some reason I asked to I put out a lesbian vibe and she said I thought you were gay and then she asked another coworker right in front of me don't you think she's gay? And I just asked her how do I seem a lesbian? Now mind you I don't have a problem with gay people. I wish them the best I have two cousins that are gay and I still love them all the same. From that moment on that nagging question kept reoccurring in my mind am I a lesbian? Now mind you in my 20s and have never dated anyone for numerous personal reasons being lack of self confidence, they already have a girlfriend, and just being scared of guys as stupid as that sounds. And when I think of being intimate with a woman my stomach literally tenses and then I get really upset and cry because I truly don't want to be a lesbian or bi no offense to anyone that is but I just don't want to be that way but then I think how do I know for sure because I've never dated anyone. I can't even be friendly with the girls I work with without my mind going your being flirty you like her. My mind even making me think I have romantic feelings for one of them and I don't find them physically attractive at all or want to persue a relationship with them but my mind thinks I do and I'm distressed whenever they are around. And whenever I'm around my parents I feel like I'm hiding something and my mind goes it's time to tell them. And I even asked my parents what if I was they went we will love you no matter what but we don't think you are. And knowing this I feel that if I was a lesbian I would feel less stressed about telling them but it still distressing to me and makes me depressed and even want to hurt myself. I even asked coworks I also worked with if they thought I gave out that kind of vibe most said no but two of them who were by the way gay said they thought I was bi. I feel like if I have to keep questioning myself about it then I guess I'm not. Because growing up I never though about my sexuality I just thought I'd grow up get married to a man and have kids. Being gay was just something not talked about in my house growing up. Not talked against just not talked about. I want to got to therapy but can't afford it. And it's so distressing constantly questioning in my head and seeing woman day to day and wondering and asking myself are you attracted to them? I can't even watch shows that have gay couples because I'm afraid it'll mess me up. I got on this forum to hopefully get feed back from people dealing with this. I wish anyone who's dealing with this recovers. Any feedback I can get would help. Wish any other ocd suffers luck

the body will follow the beliefs.
if your scared of guys then u will make yourself less attractive, that way you can feel more safe.
or if you believe you are less attractive then you will dress and act like that belief, which will then make it real.

the belief will control the perception. which will control the behavior, which will then re-confirm the belief. this circle will go on until some outside force breaks it apart and forces your mind to change.
 
O

Ocean117

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 12, 2022
Messages
50
Location
Australia
I’d you were gay you’d be happy they said that ! Also never met anyone gay that didn’t know that they were ! Also who cares about their perspective . People have told me I was bi and I’m like okay ummmm no I’m not but cool compliment as bi people are rad ! Good luck hun
 
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