• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    We are an actively moderated forum. We work hard to keep the forum safe.

    To access many more features and forums please register now

Please help

G

ginger2000

Member
Founding Member
Joined
Mar 6, 2008
Messages
7
Hi everyone, Im only new here but as i type, Im crying.

Both me and my mum have mental health problems, Im autistic, and I know i have depression, my mum is stressed and also depressed.

What concerns me is my mum, ever since her mum passed away she has been really down, but she keeps her problems bottled up. She refused to seek help, and I know that her depression is making things worse for her.

Recently I tried making her happier by buying her what she always wanted, a talking parrot. I got her a young hand tame cockatoo named Bert and he was speaking, but he accidentally bit her one day and she got scared.

We thought about rehoming him, but my mum never made the full decission yet, but the man came and bought Bert, in return for getting us a baby conure.

This morning after the deal, my mum has been crying cause of it, she didnt want to sell Bert right away, and shes talking suicide, I am so petrified that she may attempt it, but I dont know what else to do. I really want to help my mum but i dont want her to be any more upset, I am trying my best but i feel nothing is working.

My mum feels that my dad is also responsible, she thinks he doesnt want her to be happy, cause he pushed on at her to rehome bert. My life is so stressed with seeing my parents argue, and seeing my mum so upset.

I will talk about my own mental health problems once I have helped my mum over come hers, I love my parents and I even try to buy them things they want to make them happy but its not enough :cry:

If i knew what my mums thoughts were when the man was buying bert, I would have told him we didnt want to sell bert yet. Now my mum thinks its too late, she wont ring the man and ask for a refund, I would but she wont let me.

I just want my mum to be happy! Please help :cry:
 
sandybob

sandybob

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 12, 2008
Messages
558
Location
south east london
HI GINGER ..:welcome:

how lucky your mum is to have you.

I'm not sure i have any advice at the moment , but i'll come back to you later.

stay strong xx
 
D

Dollit

Guest
Okay darling it's nice to have you here and I'm glad you found us. I'm sorry it's taken a couple of hours to get to you but here we are now.

I'm worried that you've said that you will only talk of your mental health problems once you've helped your mum overcome hers. That's a nice thought sweetheart but it's not very realistic. Sometimes we have mental health problems for life and it's not fair or reasonable to stop looking after your problems just because your mum has problems too.

We cannot help anyone unless we are in a strong position ourselves. That means you have to concentrate on getting yourself stronger.

Your parents may argue and their marriage may be stressed but that's between them and they shouldn't be letting it affect you.

Post again and we'll try and help. :hug:
 
Ashami

Ashami

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 28, 2008
Messages
1,033
Location
The Wilderness
Hey ginger

:welcome: to the forum. I'm so sorry to hear of your mum's troubles. It must be very hard for you to deal with, it sounds very stressful.

Well done for coming here, this is a good place for you to express your feelings, which in itself will help you.

It sounds to me like Bert is the least worry here. How old are you ginger?
 
M

maudikie

Guest
To Giner.

You are very brave, kind and thoughtful. I think your mother needs a big hug. don't worry about her crying, that way she is probably letting out some of her unhappiness. But you, lovey, you must look after yourself a bit more. Have you any pals you can talk to? Have you any hobbies? What a shame that the pet went. I'm glas you've joined us and hope we can help.
Does your mum have any help from the doctors or nurses? If so, I should talk to them yourself. and about yourself. You are a very important person.
Keep smiling, and please don't worry. We send our love.:grouphug:stay strong.
 
Fedup

Fedup

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 18, 2007
Messages
1,937
Hello and :welcome: ginger2000.

Crying is a good release ,so don't worry to much over your mum's tears.

Cockatoo's are one of the hardest birds to look after , i can understand why your mum got scared. They are capable of doing a lot of damage.

Please try to slow down , think a bit and pritorise what needs dealing with first ............. hopefully you'll come to the solution that it is you . You need to be some what stable in tourself to help support your mum.

Please keep us updated , we are here to help/support as much as we can .

:hug:
 
R

rose

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 12, 2008
Messages
80
:welcome:hi hon
well you sound one very grown up person with lots to offer but sometimes offering to much of yourself can be harmfull to you as a person , but i can understand you wanting to help your mum and it applaudable ohh bad spelling
well im no expert but to me i dont think this ia about bert the bird its about letting go ,
your mum has had to let go of her mum , and i feel she may not have gone through the grieving process yet which is understandable,
maybe you could ask some other members of your family to rally round and get your mum to talk about the happiness she shared with her mum and that its ok to cry but also ok to go on living , and maybe you can remined your mum she hasnt lost anything it just things change sometimes and remined her that you are still here and she is your mum and one very much needed by a person that loves her
i hope you and your mum find the peace of mind you need
sweet blessings
rose:grouphug:
 
G

ginger2000

Member
Founding Member
Joined
Mar 6, 2008
Messages
7
Hey ginger

:welcome: to the forum. I'm so sorry to hear of your mum's troubles. It must be very hard for you to deal with, it sounds very stressful.

Well done for coming here, this is a good place for you to express your feelings, which in itself will help you.

It sounds to me like Bert is the least worry here. How old are you ginger?
I only turned 18 in January.

The thing about Bert is, he was my mum's first ever talking parrot, he was also the first ever bird she heard speak, so he was like Gold Dust to her.

We had to rehome him because he became too aggressive, he bit my mum and it frightened her alot, and he bit my dad and my sister.

My mum had a love-fear for Bert, so losing him crushed her.

You are very brave, kind and thoughtful. I think your mother needs a big hug. don't worry about her crying, that way she is probably letting out some of her unhappiness. But you, lovey, you must look after yourself a bit more. Have you any pals you can talk to? Have you any hobbies? What a shame that the pet went. I'm glas you've joined us and hope we can help.
Does your mum have any help from the doctors or nurses? If so, I should talk to them yourself. and about yourself. You are a very important person.
Keep smiling, and please don't worry. We send our love.:grouphug:stay strong.
I used to have friends, but when I was told I was autistic, I thought my friends would understand and I also told them - They all abandond me 5 years ago... My only friends are my pets and my contacts over the internet, but it really isn't the same, one of my old friends in paticular I loved, so when he also abandond me I was crushed.

My mum wont speak to the doctors, she doesnt see any point and tells me to wise up when I keep saying to her we should see the doctor about our problems.

Hello and :welcome: ginger2000.

Crying is a good release ,so don't worry to much over your mum's tears.

Cockatoo's are one of the hardest birds to look after , i can understand why your mum got scared. They are capable of doing a lot of damage.

Please try to slow down , think a bit and pritorise what needs dealing with first ............. hopefully you'll come to the solution that it is you . You need to be some what stable in tourself to help support your mum.

Please keep us updated , we are here to help/support as much as we can .

:hug:
The man who bought Bert said the best bird my mum could get is a Blue and Gold Macaw, as they are well known for their loving temperment, he even said he could get her a young one so it will grow up within the family, so now my mum is eager for the new bird, but she still really misses Bert.

:welcome:hi hon
well you sound one very grown up person with lots to offer but sometimes offering to much of yourself can be harmfull to you as a person , but i can understand you wanting to help your mum and it applaudable ohh bad spelling
well im no expert but to me i dont think this ia about bert the bird its about letting go ,
your mum has had to let go of her mum , and i feel she may not have gone through the grieving process yet which is understandable,
maybe you could ask some other members of your family to rally round and get your mum to talk about the happiness she shared with her mum and that its ok to cry but also ok to go on living , and maybe you can remined your mum she hasnt lost anything it just things change sometimes and remined her that you are still here and she is your mum and one very much needed by a person that loves her
i hope you and your mum find the peace of mind you need
sweet blessings
rose:grouphug:
Ok, thanks.

I have so many problems of my own, but the top of the list is my concern for my parents. I just want them to be happy.
 
R

rose

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 12, 2008
Messages
80
hi hon
i could just put my arms around you , and tell you it will all be ok but i cant
i have no parents but that is my story , not yours ,
but i still say , please get some older members of your family to intervene .
i wish i had the answers for you
this is something you cant do anything about , par being ther and its a whole heep of responce . which i have a feel you are more than willing to take on ,
time is a healer and i still believe your mum needs to go through a greiving proccess
i aint clever nor a dr but if you want to vent ima good listner and with 5 kids kinda understanding
just send a email
ps my name is rachell aka :)rose
 
Fedup

Fedup

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 18, 2007
Messages
1,937
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fedup
Hello and ginger2000.

Crying is a good release ,so don't worry to much over your mum's tears.

Cockatoo's are one of the hardest birds to look after , i can understand why your mum got scared. They are capable of doing a lot of damage.

Please try to slow down , think a bit and pritorise what needs dealing with first ............. hopefully you'll come to the solution that it is you . You need to be some what stable in tourself to help support your mum.

Please keep us updated , we are here to help/support as much as we can .



The man who bought Bert said the best bird my mum could get is a Blue and Gold Macaw, as they are well known for their loving temperment, he even said he could get her a young one so it will grow up within the family, so now my mum is eager for the new bird, but she still really misses Bert.




I'd still advise on doing your home work on parrots.
Find a good breeder who will let you go round often to help feed and bond with your bird. They will also tell you what size cage etc , what toys , fresh food they will need in there diet .
 
M

maudikie

Guest
ToGinger.

How old are you ginger. There is no reason for y ou not to see your doctor on your own. In fact i would recommend it. He should hen be able to get you some help and direct you to whre you can get soem social contacts, You don't even have to tell your mohr that you are going to the doctor. Please take some action for your own sake, and for that of your mother, as if you get happier I am sure she w ill too.:grouphug:
 
G

ginger2000

Member
Founding Member
Joined
Mar 6, 2008
Messages
7
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fedup
I'd still advise on doing your home work on parrots.
Find a good breeder who will let you go round often to help feed and bond with your bird. They will also tell you what size cage etc , what toys , fresh food they will need in there diet .
I always doresearch on the pet before I actually buy it. I did as much as i could on care for cockatoos, I told my parents about them but they didnt really listen to me :(

Im always ignored in my family.
 
M

maudikie

Guest
Ginger.

Sorry I'm not the parrot person. My repertoir is Blue Tits, Great tits, One nuthatch, and apair of robins. Poor little things are getting blownabout today, but i've given them some raisins on the floor as they can't keep hold of the feeder. Thanks ayway!:clap:
 
D

Dollit

Guest
Ginger adults don't always listen to people younger than themselves which is a real shame. I wouldn't have one of my best friends if I ignored people under a certain age. :)
 
Top