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Please help

M

Me1234567890

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Joined
Dec 21, 2020
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Uk
Hi

I’ve never done this before due to anxiety of having my words judged but I don’t know what else to do.

I’m having constant panic attacks (8ish a day) and the darkest depression I can imagine.

My fiancé died suddenly of septicaemia, my best friend was murdered and I’m caring for my alcoholic mother. I keep trying to take my own life but can’t go through with it. Will the crisis team speak to me if I don’t have the means to kill myself?

I’m taking pregabalin 300mg twice a day which helps a bit but it’s not enough. This panic is too much I don’t know what to do about it. The gp said the pregabalin is a last resort so if I’m taking the maximum dose of the last resort what the hell do I do? I wish I had the courage to end my life. I’m sorry about this
 
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JessisMe

JessisMe

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Feb 27, 2020
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Hi Me welcome to the forums. It sounds like you have really been going through a lot lately and I’m so sorry for your losses. The anxiety and depression that you feel is totally understandable. Do you have friends or family that you could lean on a bit during these difficult times? You have been through so much and caring for another is such hard work and can be so emotionally draining. Have you been able to find time to take care of you throughout all of this? Circumstances can improve for you. Take some time to take care of yourself and lean on the support you are able to find including this forum. We are all here for each other, many of us have been in a similar position to the position you are in right now and we are all happy to help. We’re glad that you found us. xo, j
 
M

Me1234567890

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Joined
Dec 21, 2020
Messages
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Location
Uk
Thanks
Apart from my mum there’s no one and she doesn’t seem to understand anything I say to her and refuses to accept her drinking is a problem. I don’t know if it’s early dementia or the alcohol.
I’ve tried exercise, yoga, mindfulness but I can’t calm down long enough to do any of it properly. Once in a while squats wear me out long enough to numb it all. I was attacked in the park recently so now I’m more anxious about walking. Saturday was the anniversary of my brothers death so maybe that’s exacerbating it all
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Would work with a therapist be an option for you?
 
M

Me1234567890

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Dec 21, 2020
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I’ve had one from the gp but an hour every fortnight isn’t enough. I guess it’s better than nothing. I keep thinking if I could calm down long enough to think clearly I could figure a way out of all this. It has helped calm the panic writing here. Thank you
 
A

Am33

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Sep 28, 2020
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Fiji
There is never a "last resort " that is always a lie we ALWAYS have a choice in everything . The extreme negative energy you are feeling is from the mass consciousness .Energy from all the people on earth feeding their angers, fears , worries into it especially from this year with covid .Just like the mob consciousness takes over people who do things they wouldn't normally do like rioting . You can seal yourself off from it with positive affirmations , mantras , prayers everyday 1 hr out loud to invoke energy. Just like doing squats for the mind . I would seek another therapist too one that is more understanding . Your girlfriend and brother who passed over wouldn't want you to do anything to hurt yourself .
 
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C

celticlass

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May 7, 2011
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927
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Scotland
Hi. I hope you are feeling a bit better tonight. I just noticed your post and thought would comment before I head for bed. First comment is - head out tomorrow if you can and buy yourself a lovely Christmas present. From you to you. You're worth it x Now I am a recovered/recovering alcoholic {stopped 5 years ago} and I put my family through hell. Don't, whatever you do, prop up your mum to drink - for that is not going to help long-term. She needs to feel the consequences of her actions. You can chat to us a bit more about what the practical set up is between mum and you. This may help clear your head about which way to turn in relation to her. In my view, it will be very difficult for you to heal yourself while you are her carer. As against that your mum may have mental health issues herself which are being masked by the drink but that is her problem to address. You could gather some strength and a support network with the alcoholism if you contact Al-anon or one of the other addiction agencies. Now the question of your very low mood, anxiety and stress. If it has not already been done try to tell your GP you are not happy about how your mental health is being handled. Ask to be referred to a mental health team for a second opinion. For support when you are struggling, call the Samaritans - they even used to support me when I felt like taking a drink. there are a number of medication responses to what you are feeling. these will help give you a lift out. So remember, in the morning, treat yourself! You really deserve it. And continue to talk. Away to my bed now. Hey it is likely the pregablin is not hitting it because you are depressed? Lots of GP's just don't get it right.
 
M

Me1234567890

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Joined
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Uk
Thank you for your replies. I told the doctor about my mood and he prescribed sertraline. I don’t know if I should take it. Maybe exercise would work instead if I could find the motivation. I spoke to the mental health response team too but they said they couldn’t help because I’m already seeing a therapist every few weeks. It’s not enough. Maybe Samaritans would work instead. I’m not sure as my mum uses them as a chat line so much they block her every month. Don’t want to turn into my mum! The anxiety is better but I feel utterly hopeless and can’t see the point in carrying on. The future feels utterly bleak. Anyway I’ll stop whining. I realise this has been a tough year globally and I might have it better than most. Well done staying sober for so long; that’s an awesome achievement!
Have a nice happy and stress free Christmas
 
Argon

Argon

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Aug 27, 2019
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392
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USA
I think you need someone to talk to for more than an hour every couple of weeks. Unfortunately I think a lot of people are in that same boat. I remember a classic scifi novel where a guy had a computer for a shrink. I honestly think that would not help though..
 
M

Me1234567890

Member
Joined
Dec 21, 2020
Messages
5
Location
Uk
It seems AI is heading in that direction. When I was at my worst a couple of months ago I used a chatbot app which helped temporarily until it got repetitive in its replies and strange adoration. I’d recommend it though for desperate times
 
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