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Please help.

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needhelpplease

Member
Joined
Oct 8, 2019
Messages
9
Location
Winnipeg, Manitoba
So there is this girl I talked to with the possibility of a romantic relationship the past few months. So we recently ended our talks but I keep on having ocd thoughts about us. Including guilt about why things ended, if it was really my fault or if she was being honest when she said she just lost interest. Well starting two or three days ago I have been having thoughts that she is a secret lesbian now and that its my fault. I thought this wasn't true but to reassure myself I went on her instagram and noticed she had pictures of girls on there. Then I looked at who she was following and saw she is following that lesbian from the bachelorette and noticed the girl I liked, liked a picture of the bachelorette girl with her girlfriend. It got my thoughts riled up thinking she was lesbian so I decided I wanted to end this pain and just ask her. But I couldn't ask her right out so I lied and said I had a friend that was a girl who is interested in her and was wondering where she leaned. She said she is straight and even though I got the answer I wanted I feel creepy. Creepy that I had to lie to get my compulsions over with. I thought about doing this two nights ago but didn't feel right about it but decided last night and needed an answer to stop ruminating. Please help. And also when she answered she said, "you know I'm straight." but then she asked "who was this" referring to the girl that "was interested" in her. I'm not sure if she means it's actually lesbian or just curious of who it was. Please help guide me in what I should do. I don't want to be honest with her cause I know she wouldn't understand what I'm going through. I'm feeling so creepy and know this isn't me but at the same time can't help to feel guilty.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
10,239
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
It sounds like she was curious as to who it was, i'd be careful about telling her a lot of lies though cause for one thing if she learns it was a lie she will find it harder to trust you when you tell her the truth about anything, for another thing you'll have to spend a lot of time and energy remembering the lies you told her and eventually you will change the story and something won't make sense to her.

It does sound like she lost interest, all you can do is see if she wants to be friends and let her know you'll always be there for her :hug:

Welcome to the forum anyways and we're happy to have you here :welcome:
 
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needhelpplease

Member
Joined
Oct 8, 2019
Messages
9
Location
Winnipeg, Manitoba
It sounds like she was curious as to who it was, i'd be careful about telling her a lot of lies though cause for one thing if she learns it was a lie she will find it harder to trust you when you tell her the truth about anything, for another thing you'll have to spend a lot of time and energy remembering the lies you told her and eventually you will change the story and something won't make sense to her.

It does sound like she lost interest, all you can do is see if she wants to be friends and let her know you'll always be there for her :hug:

Welcome to the forum anyways and we're happy to have you here :welcome:
Do you think this curiousity means she's interested in the girl?
 
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needhelpplease

Member
Joined
Oct 8, 2019
Messages
9
Location
Winnipeg, Manitoba
Cau
I think all it means is she's wondering who it is, whether she knows the girl, thats what i think her reason for asking is :)
I feel guilty. Do you think you should tell her I was lyin?. I don't want to ruin our friendship by telling her but feel like I wouldn't be able to live with myself if we hooked up and she thought I was telling the truth about that the whole time. The only reason I'm not thinking about telling her is because I know she would never understand and may think I'm weird.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
10,239
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
Cau


I feel guilty. Do you think you should tell her I was lyin?. I don't want to ruin our friendship by telling her but feel like I wouldn't be able to live with myself if we hooked up and she thought I was telling the truth about that the whole time. The only reason I'm not thinking about telling her is because I know she would never understand and may think I'm weird.
Has she brought it up a second time?
 
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needhelpplease

Member
Joined
Oct 8, 2019
Messages
9
Location
Winnipeg, Manitoba
She asked again and then i told her and noticed she was typing but no response. I made the situation worse by texting 6 or more times and calling once. I said I apologized for blowing up her phone but I just felt uneasy about this situation. We've been through something like this before and she didn't think I was creepy then but did think I needed counseling. I'm just hoping she understands and doesn't think I'm a creep now. I need help, I am going to start going to counseling but what should I do now, just wait it out? I didn't used to be like this but ocd has scarred me.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
10,239
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
Maybe just take a step back from messaging with her and go no contact for a short time unless she contacts you first?
 
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