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please help!

M

mad-black

New member
Joined
Apr 20, 2016
Messages
2
Location
bromley, london
Hi, um i have a problem.
so i'm English and moved to France at 3 yrs old and grew up there, a few difficulties here and there, but all was good in primary school.
until secondary school, now, i thought it would go down ok, get more friends .. yeah?
wrong, i got bullied, bad. and you know why? because i was english. now i dealt with racism, insults and beatings (now and then) for 2 years, didn't have any friends, my sole hope was a new kitten we just got, cute right? not gonna die young, RIGHT? wrong, while i was on holiday in Spain she got run over by a tractor. it destroyed me and my family, i stayed alone, discovered self-harm and slowly started to hate the french people around me, i did not trust anyone.
over time i was able to stop self-harming, and stand up for myself sometimes, the beating stopped, but i could still hear slurs behind my back, tried to ignore them, y'know?
yeah, well, i found company in a little girl imma name Cloe.
anyway, with her, i didn't get so attacked anymore, i guess they thought i had atleast some qualities.
but lately i've been having these periods of time where i don't eat, sleep or go outside anymore, where i think that i don't belong, or where i question whether the person in that mirror is really me. and i just gave up, there's no use. they happen like every 2 months maybe, i dunno. but they sure suck.

anyway, i hope you guys can help me, i'm really troubled right now, thanks!
 
Last edited by a moderator:
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BlankSpace92

Member
Joined
Apr 20, 2016
Messages
12
Location
South Africa
hello there,

I feel your pain, I was bullied a lot in school and at home (by a sister who is much larger in size than me), the people I thought where my friends bullied me, endlessly. I'd go home so upset. they would make fun of me as I am an Indian girl with a much darker complexion than most, I was nerdy and way to shy, they took advantage of me, I became the lunch time entertainment, soon I learnt that crying in front of them gave them pleasure, and the more I distanced myself from the class the more they poked fun at me.

I started taking karate lessons and no it was not so I can beat them up. it was to vent my anger, I had a punching bag as well and it helped, I kept a journal where I wrote everything that was good about school and I started playing chess for the sake of focus...it helped.

It may have helped when I was in school, but as I got older I now face more problems, and I'm here trying to find a solution. But get a punching bag... so when you really feel angry punch it.
your life is your life.... don't stop living it because of a group of assbutts cant adapt to something that is a little different that them.
And I love food... take comfort in HEALTHY food. eat some baked chips, nuts. even if you don't feel like eating have some soup n bread...I love soup.

And I'm really sorry about your kitty, I Lost my husky it was painful but sometimes we have to think they go to a better place.

I hope you find comfort in my words. and if you need to speak about the bullies, Im here....I've dealt with them before.
 
M

mad-black

New member
Joined
Apr 20, 2016
Messages
2
Location
bromley, london
this post is real old.

it has gotten better, i homeschooled not long after posting this, and i immediately began caring for myself.
its been a few months and i have moved to england, and will begin school soon.
he's where it all adds up.

im transgender.
i am a boy. no 'ma'ms' when i get older! im a sir!
it explains so many things, why i love sports, why i hate my female body so much... etc
i am currently waiting to go to a phychiatrist so i can start on T, hopefully.
i still cant believe i got through all this by myself, it feels, good.
thank you for anyone that has helped me.
bye.
no longer 'freyja', Aspen.
 
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