Hello, I have been struggling with depression for almost two years now. I've slowly stopped talking to people and have even just completely ignored people. I am just as likely to cry as I am to blow up. I am the quiet girl as school who never says anything, but my family knows me as a b**ch. I usually take my anger, frustration, and sadness out on them. I've stopped talking to one of my newer friends just because I grew a crush on her. I haven't spoken to her in months even though I see her almost every day. I'm drifting from older friends and I barely talk to people I don't know unless I need something. I get nervous in crowds and my eyes get watery. Sometimes I have to breath deeply for several minutes just to get people not to notice. I'm pretty sure my English teacher used me as a metaphor for a creepy, quiet character in a book. My other teachers have asked me if I was alright a total of 3 times. The only person who thinks I'm cool is my counselor and I haven't spoken to her in weeks. Only 2 people know about my self harming (my counselor and my doctor) and only my friend who I now ignore (the one mentioned before) knows about my sexuality. I've cried several times in the past 3 days alone. Sometimes I can burst into tears just from seeing other people being happy. I often dream about a. nothing, b. women, c. nightmares. If that means anything. I sleep about 3-4 hours a night and my face looks very tired. I consider sleeping at 11pm early. I've thought about suicide. Most people just ignore me, and if they do notice me its to let me know how emo I look. My grades are declining, I had first honors since I was in 5th grade, but I've earned my first C. I'm falling behind in several classes and can never seem to get anything done. I've been cheating in my math classes for the past several months because I just don't want to lose my grades too. I wear thick black eyeliner, usually just to let people know I don't need their pity. I want to die in my sleep.
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