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New member
Joined
Jan 28, 2015
Messages
1
I need some guidance.

I was diagnosed in November by my GP with depression and Generalised Anxiety Disorder. He prescribed antidepressants which I did not take.

Recently things have gotten a lot worse and after some Emergency Room visits imposed by my concerned partner I have recently been under the care of the local Crisis Team. But after a full assessment yesterday they have decided that I do not have a mental illness/depression.

This said I am confused what that means for me if I am not unwell.

I am not drinking alcohol or taking drugs.

In desperation I tried to start on the antidepressants I was originally prescribed last week but had an allergic reaction (swelling of face, tongue, throat, difficulty breathing, and a severe drug like 'trip' for several hours). I was given antihistamine and not prescribed a new anti depressant. I only took that one pill, and no other drug.

The Crisis Team also gave me quetiapine at 25mg to help with sleep. I took this 3 or 4 times before my assessment yesterday. But have now thrown out the rest of the prescription as they didn't seem to think I needed it and it made me excessively lethargic and heavy limbed for the entire 24 hours.

I am very 'low' and sad the majority of the time to the point where I feel unable to work (have not been employed since October), cannot engage in my usual activities, cannot interact with people as I used to, and have no interest in any social interaction or activity or plans for the future.

I am also very tired all of the time - walking, household chores, or any activity at all can feel unmanageable. I also have trouble sleeping and fear the hours awake at night in bed.

I feel suicidal the majority of the time. I spend most of my time researching and planning methods of suicide. I only kept myself from doing it, as I believed I was ill and that things could get better. If I am not ill, then I don't know what that means for me, if this is just my personality and there is nothing 'wrong' with me.

I also have severe mood swings which make me feel out of control. I am either severely down to the point where I cannot fathom having to live for all the hours in a day. Or I am extremely agitated and distressed. Or I am angry. When I get to a certain point of a mood I feel unable to feel anything else and as if that feeling will last forever. It is frightening and frustrating and making me lose hope.

I feel worried a lot of the time, that people are talking about me, that my partner is lying to me. That everyone on the street is staring at me and can guess everything about me somehow.

I'm having memory problems - forgetting names of my cats, forgetting recipes, words, appointments, and also struggling to remember the order of my day. I find myself losing things constantly.

I also have frightening hallucinations constantly and it is beginning to get difficult to deal with them/tell when they are real or not.

When I am driving the world around me seems to move TOO fast - and it feels like I am speeding, even at 40km/h. Sometimes the room around me seems unstable, and anything that moves - like the sea - seems to be going too quickly/wrong/is overwhelming to look at.

I have had panic attacks and feel completely unable to deal with stress or confrontation or responsibilities.

I am very isolated, without any friends. I have a persistent headache that will not go away. Food and drink is of little interest.

I told all of this to the assessment team yesterday and they didn't seem to think that I am ill or that any of this is of concern.

That is fine, and I'll trust their assessment but I don't know how to deal with all of this if it is not an illness. If it's just the way I am, I'm not sure I can just trudge along with it.

The hallucinations in particular are beginning to frighten me - it was easier to know they weren't real when I thought I was ill. Now, what the heck are they then.

I guess I'm asking what to do when all of the above isn't depression. I don't want to take resources from people that need them, but I can't help but feel frustrated rather than relieved that I am not 'sick'. What now?
 
R

ricko4

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 7, 2014
Messages
179
in my opinion the crisis team need a good boot in the balls for coming up with that diagnosis its obvious theres something wrong and im no doctor
 
C

Chelseacheese

Member
Joined
Jan 11, 2015
Messages
16
Location
Bedford
This sounds so similar to my story!!!

I have been suffering from depression for 5 years and I am under my local crisis team. I have not long come out of hospital (mental health ward) They diagnosed me with a personality disorder. I am also on the same meds as you! just started, been on them just over a week but on 50mg. they make me SO tired!!!

Nearly everything that you have said, I have experienced and still experiencing I'd love to talk to you more. Private message me!

Hugs :)

xxx

I have also been told on occasions that I do not have a mental health issue, but I clearly do!

I also had a rare severe reaction to my first antidepressant in Nov 2012! Eyes rolling, fitting, body locking in weird positions, unable to talk!!

I have the moodswings, I 'll be fine then all of a sudden I'll be completely overwhelmed, screaming, crying, on the floor unable to move, making noises I didn't know I could make, dribbling and just wanting to die. I have taken overdoes' in the past, last one was September 2014.
 
R

ricko4

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 7, 2014
Messages
179
This sounds so similar to my story!!!

I have been suffering from depression for 5 years and I am under my local crisis team. I have not long come out of hospital (mental health ward) They diagnosed me with a personality disorder. I am also on the same meds as you! just started, been on them just over a week but on 50mg. they make me SO tired!!!

Nearly everything that you have said, I have experienced and still experiencing I'd love to talk to you more. Private message me!

Hugs :)

xxx

I have also been told on occasions that I do not have a mental health issue, but I clearly do!

I also had a rare severe reaction to my first antidepressant in Nov 2012! Eyes rolling, fitting, body locking in weird positions, unable to talk!!

I have the moodswings, I 'll be fine then all of a sudden I'll be completely overwhelmed, screaming, crying, on the floor unable to move, making noises I didn't know I could make, dribbling and just wanting to die. I have taken overdoes' in the past, last one was September 2014.
they diagnosed me with bpd but some things that you experience i dont i think half the time these shrinks and doctors havnt a clue what wrong with us
 
C

Chelseacheese

Member
Joined
Jan 11, 2015
Messages
16
Location
Bedford
Oh I totally agree with that!

I had one the other day ask why I was depressed. I said I don't know, cuz I genuinely don't it just happened when I was 15 and it's carried on. He just kept asking me over and over and over again. Why are you depressed?

The other thing I get with my depression/mental health along with physical health complaints is...oh, just come back when it gets worse....so when it gets bad I go back and I STILL get told, come back when it is worse....

It frustrates me so much, because it's only the last little while I have stood up and asked for help. That's a MASSIVE step to ASK for help but you still get pushed aside most of the time :(
 
R

ricko4

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 7, 2014
Messages
179
Oh I totally agree with that!

I had one the other day ask why I was depressed. I said I don't know, cuz I genuinely don't it just happened when I was 15 and it's carried on. He just kept asking me over and over and over again. Why are you depressed?

The other thing I get with my depression/mental health along with physical health complaints is...oh, just come back when it gets worse....so when it gets bad I go back and I STILL get told, come back when it is worse....

It frustrates me so much, because it's only the last little while I have stood up and asked for help. That's a MASSIVE step to ASK for help but you still get pushed aside most of the time :(
i was lucky i had something like a breakdown before i went to the gp she gave me tablets but they made me worse then she sent me to a community councilor and she was the 1 that said she coudnt help me i needed to see a shrink so i tried to make an appointment to see her(gp) but luckily she was on holiday so i seen somebody else best bit of luck i ever had he reffered me to a pshychiatrist where he diagnosed me BPD but i didnt agree neither did my gp so hes reffered me for a 2nd opinion as we both believe its bipolar so thats where i am at the minute also i am now applying for esa as my sspat work has ran out so stress levels are through the roof
 
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