Please help

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stuartiee

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Dec 22, 2014
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#1
Depression has been the worst I have ever felt almost took my life a few days ago been to the hospital put me on amitriptyline still having suicidal episodes especially in the mornings meds are knocking me all over the place will this calm down do you think ???
 
AliceinWonderland

AliceinWonderland

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#2
Yes, I think the meds knocking you all over the place will calm down after a while, it can take your system a little bit of time to get used to them. When you next have an appointment you could ask them about it if things aren't improving. Sorry to hear this has been a very bad time for you lately, many here on the forum suffer similarly, and I hope joining here will help you feel a little less alone with it all.

:welcome: stuartiee
 
S

stuartiee

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#3
Yes, I think the meds knocking you all over the place will calm down after a while, it can take your system a little bit of time to get used to them. When you next have an appointment you could ask them about it if things aren't improving. Sorry to hear this has been a very bad time for you lately, many here on the forum suffer similarly, and I hope joining here will help you feel a little less alone with it all.

:welcome: stuartiee
Thank you for your reply Alice good to hear the meds effects will hopefully stabilise I only have a few days left of Christmas holidays back on Monday hope I can hold it together at work its a relatively new job they don't know about my depression and how low I am ... just so tired fighting feel like I just want to given in ...
 
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stuartiee

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#4
Hello Stuartiee,I want to say:welcome:
I am sorry you are not feeling well,it does take a while for meds to kick in and for symptoms to improve.I know how hard it is for you,especially holding down a new job where they don't know how much you are struggling.Consider whether letting them know you are diagnosed with depression might mean they can make adjustments which will make working easier for you?I hope you get lots of support here on the forum, we are an understanding caring bunch so here is the place to vent and offload and you will find others know what you are going through and can help a lot!I hope xmas has gone as well as possible under the circumstances for you and wish you a Happy new Year 2015!Nikitax
Nikita thank you so much for your reply you have no idea how much this means to me I am a very private proud guy that never usually would dream to talk to anyone about the way I have been feeling.. have suffered from this horrible illness really all my life but never to the point where I have almost taken my own life this is the first time I have even looked at a site like this but hoping that you guys can help through with your own experiences to make me strong enough to keep me alive I guess so thank you so so much ... the amitriptyline I feel has given me a kinda excited feeling like when you were a kid at Christmas but not in a good calm way I guessing theses edgy feeling will smooth off in time Yeh ..I was on mirtazapine for almost a year with amazing changes in the first few months really though I had beaten this illness but the good feelings subsided after a few months was on 15 mg to start but as the good feeling died off the doc up the doses to 45 mg per night but I think it made me really anxious worse in fact .. so hence the amitriptyline have tryed most of the other types like ciptalpram seroxat but they didn't really help at all... Has anyone one else had problems with there scalp broken out in sore spots don't no if it's the amitriptyline or it I've contracted shingles through stress yikesss am falling to bits here sorry lol ... had a really bad morning again this morning back to the suicidal thoughts with uncontrollable tears running down my face trying my hardest not to let my wife and daughter see my face did subside a bit later on after taking the dog for a walk and got myself some fresh air think this is day 8 on the amitriptyline the doc has told me to slowly withdraw from my mirtazapine by after 1 week take 15mg every other day then stop and only use the amitriptyline makes scence I suppose... truly hoping that the amitriptyline works last chance am thinking ..
 
C

cherbear

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#5
Hi , really sorry you are not feeling well i'm in the same place as you at the moment so I really feel for you . The meds do calm down , I got moved to Sertraline after taking amitriptyline however different meds work for different people . Hard to put a face on it at times like today ! Keep your GP in the loop about how you are feeling ( I went through a couple before I found one that is helping me ) and they will help you . I would consider telling your work place about your depression to see if they can help in anyway too . Big hugs . This forum is a great place to talk we are there for you xxx
 
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stuartiee

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#6
Cherbear thank you for ur lovely post but really sorry you are feeling so low too... my doctor has not been the best I had to chase them up to get my hospital appointment over six months ago only had my referral last week was that bad I even dropped into the hospital department to see why it had taken so long they had only been told about my probs two weeks previously if I had been taken sooner I pretty sure I wouldn't be the state am in at the moment .. has anyone here admitted them self's into the hospital for treatment ?? was it helpful or not don't know if I should go in or not still really suicidal in the morning wee bit better as the day goes on ... keep have this running cycle in my head from right come on let's fight this too doesn't matter cause I will just kill myself and no more pain anyways it's wearing me down getting so tired anyone the same xx
 
C

cherbear

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#7
Anytime hunny , thank you too x Aw big hugs x Your GP dropped the ball i'm so sorry ! That's pretty rubbish is there any way you can change your GP ? I had to change mine as the the others were not helping this one is great and is making sure I only have appointments with her . Never referred myself to hospital my other half is really against it and my GP wants to go another route even though I think it would help me . So i'm sorry I can not help out on that though . I go through the same cycle from wanting to end it all to lets get through this and get to another day next day repeat and so on ...... I hear you it's draining to feel that way all the time . Big hugs there if you want to keep talking on this thread xxx
 
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stuartiee

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#8
Anytime hunny , thank you too x Aw big hugs x Your GP dropped the ball i'm so sorry ! That's pretty rubbish is there any way you can change your GP ? I had to change mine as the the others were not helping this one is great and is making sure I only have appointments with her . Never referred myself to hospital my other half is really against it and my GP wants to go another route even though I think it would help me . So i'm sorry I can not help out on that though . I go through the same cycle from wanting to end it all to lets get through this and get to another day next day repeat and so on ...... I hear you it's draining to feel that way all the time . Big hugs there if you want to keep talking on this thread xxx
Hugs right back Cher such a sweetheart thank you xx are you working too Cher am back to work this Monday hope the meds aren't smashing me about too much relatively new job so still want to create a good impression but my memory is completely shot not great when you are trying to take in new information. .. feel really tired tonight getting crabby just worn out lol xx
 
C

cherbear

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#9
Aw , thanks my lovely x No not working i'm trying to get back into work and the job centre are going to help me do it still waiting on therapy I feel like one great big tired mess lol ! I admire you for still working and congrats on getting a new job really wishing it goes well for you and that the meds don't leave you feeling too out of it ( maybe make notes on new info my memo pad is my saviour at the moment ) I hear you on the concentration and memory front as it's just gone ! Have lost count of the amount of times have walked into a room and wonder why I went into it ! Hope you get a good nights sleep x Never much fun when you feel exhausted by it all I get crabby too . Hope you get a chance of some peace and rest too . Big hugs ( you can never have enough hugs ;-) ) xxxx
 
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Silver

Silver

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#10
When anti depressants stop working i think it has been called poop out. It happens with people with bipolar disorder sometimes, if they don't become manic that is.

I find when i stop anti depressants i become mildy depressed for about a month and then i feel better eventually.

I hope this new anti depressant works for you. It takes time like everybody said.

Suicidal thoughts, they come as part of the package of depression often. They can also be a sign that you have been battered down by chronic low mood. It can break you right down if it goes on for too long. You start to feel hopeless. In the past when i've had suicidal thoughts (and i've had them so much), i just had a bath and went to bed. The only way out of it for me is to sleep, and then next day i feel not quite so bad, but then they always come back. Sleeping tablets help, or a good sedating tablet (temporarily). Sleep though is really the best way. Also a walk somewhere green. A walk in general. Spending time with people who care about you also helps and keeps you going through difficult times so don't isolate yourself.
 
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stuartiee

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#11
When anti depressants stop working i think it has been called poop out. It happens with people with bipolar disorder sometimes, if they don't become manic that is.

I find when i stop anti depressants i become mildy depressed for about a month and then i feel better eventually.

I hope this new anti depressant works for you. It takes time like everybody said.

Suicidal thoughts, they come as part of the package of depression often. They can also be a sign that you have been battered down by chronic low mood. It can break you right down if it goes on for too long. You start to feel hopeless. In the past when i've had suicidal thoughts (and i've had them so much), i just had a bath and went to bed. The only way out of it for me is to sleep, and then next day i feel not quite so bad, but then they always come back. Sleeping tablets help, or a good sedating tablet (temporarily). Sleep though is really the best way. Also a walk somewhere green. A walk in general. Spending time with people who care about you also helps and keeps you going through difficult times so don't isolate yourself.
Hi silver thank you for your comments had another really bad day today back to the knife in the heart loop today had to drop my daughter off was going to try and do it when I got home but keep failing at the point of no return given myself a reprieve till tomorrow
 
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stuartiee

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#12
Aw , thanks my lovely x No not working i'm trying to get back into work and the job centre are going to help me do it still waiting on therapy I feel like one great big tired mess lol ! I admire you for still working and congrats on getting a new job really wishing it goes well for you and that the meds don't leave you feeling too out of it ( maybe make notes on new info my memo pad is my saviour at the moment ) I hear you on the concentration and memory front as it's just gone ! Have lost count of the amount of times have walked into a room and wonder why I went into it ! Hope you get a good nights sleep x Never much fun when you feel exhausted by it all I get crabby too . Hope you get a chance of some peace and rest too . Big hugs ( you can never have enough hugs ;-) ) xxxx
Hey Cher how are you today... another bad one for me today back to the do I don't I carry on really don't think I can face work tomorrow but I have to go only going to compound my problems by not going just have to be strong I suppose maybe being busy will help ??
 
C

cherbear

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#13
Hi hunny ! I'm so sorry you are hurting at the moment am right there with you on the bad day front so I know what you are going through right now hugs . Work may prove to be the distraction you need . I have the tv on am on my phone , cooking food I have no intention of eating lol just to distract me ! Is there anyone who could be with you ? Or if you need to be on your own find anything that will occupy you . I probably need to start taking my own advice ! Will stay on here and chat if you want . Love and hugs xxxx
 
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stuartiee

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#14
Hi hunny ! I'm so sorry you are hurting at the moment am right there with you on the bad day front so I know what you are going through right now hugs . Work may prove to be the distraction you need . I have the tv on am on my phone , cooking food I have no intention of eating lol just to distract me ! Is there anyone who could be with you ? Or if you need to be on your own find anything that will occupy you . I probably need to start taking my own advice ! Will stay on here and chat if you want . Love and hugs xxxx
Cher thank you so much for getting back to me my god that drive up to Perth taking my daughter back home almost killed me trying my hardest not to fold and burst into tears in front of my daughter thought I was going to implode gezzzzo wtf is happening to me had made my mind up to kill myself when I got home but the thought of my 15 year old son finding me stopped me could have went out to the local park but managed to calm myself down seem to be a bit better around teatime ish and can rationlise a bit better don't know if that's to do with the meds starting to work but what's happening from morning onwards really bad this morning again... sorry I feel so bad off loading this onto you cher you are in the same boat lts not fair... you have enough on your own plate isn't there a councillor on this site that I should maybe be talking too and not bothering you hun ??
 
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cherbear

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#15
Oh hunny i'm so sorry I really feel for you I do . Have no idea if there is a councillor on this site to be honest . I promise you , you are not bothering me one bit . I'm there for you . If you did want to talk to talk to someone else the Samaratins number is 08457909090 and I have other contact details but only for places in Scotland but I really am happy to listen and talk if you would like to . It's hell isn't it ! It might be worth seeing a GP ( a different one if you feel your current one is not great ) they may talk about different medication or anything else that could help . I'm seeing my GP tomorrow as i'm a sinking ship . Can anyone come and help with your son and be with you too if you need breathing space and some one there for you too . Please hang on in there . I really am there for you and will keep chatting . Love and hugs xxxxxx
 
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MarlieeB

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#16
Hey :)

Sorry you are feeling so bad at the moment. Here is a list of helplines that maybe you could check out.

This forum is for support and the users including the staff all suffer from MH difficulties themselves.

We have a getting help page which might help you out a little as well which you will find here.

I would personally go and seek out the support of a Doctor asap and talk to them about how you are feeling. If you feel you can not keep yourself safe please let a close family member or a friend know and/or ring 111.

Of course keep on posting here as well.

Marliee x
 
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stuartiee

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#18
How are you today hunny ? Love and hugs xxxx
Awh hey hunny thank you for asking I am a lot better today after another melt down the other day really sorry if i upset anyone but really was a bad time... called the hospital and talked to the doctor that had seen me last week and explained that I was really bad from waking in the morning that hopelessness and over analysing but as the day goes on at work I get a lot better.. she said that that isn't uncommon so that kind of helped... I also explained to her that I felt the 75 mg at night was knocking me all over the place and had cut it back to the 50mg... but i made the suggestion that I maybe try the 25 mg in the morning and the 50mg at night just to see it i could lift the bad thoughts in the morning.. going to give it a try when I break off work for the new year see now it goes at least... but tonight is the best I have felt yet ... Thank goodness ... something else that has happened and wondered if anyone else has had this my scalp has broken out in small blisters just on the left hand side ...don't know if it's the meds or if I've contracted shingles sure that can be brought on by stress what do you think xx
 
C

cherbear

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#19
Hi lovely ! Sorry to hear you hit another low patch no need to apologise hunny i'm pleased you came on here to talk it out . I'm glad you contacted the hospital and were able to speak to the Doctor and come up with another medication regime hope it works for you ! x Really glad you are feeling a bit better this evening and getting to have a mini break from work over New year hope you have a chance to unwind . My Dad had shingles stress was a factor but there were other underlying causes so would be worth getting yourself checked out hunny . Thank you for what you said on my thread by the way I was really touched . You have a heart of gold and are a kind hearted soul happy I could be there for you and am there for you still . Hugs xxxx
 
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stuartiee

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#20
Hey Cher thank you for your lovely reply top lady xx how have you been today really hope you are in a better place.. have you any plans for tonight or are you like me and quite happy to watch jules Holland introducing some cool bands to listen too ... looking after my little grandson tonight to let my eldest daughter and her hubby get out to meet some friends don't mind at all absolutely love kids best thing about life as far as am concerned. ... another really bad morning sorry to say felt like someone was sitting on my chest couldn't get a deep breath don't no what that was all about anxiety maybe never really experienced it before something else to pile on as if I wasn't bad enough lol xx Anyway hope you have a lovely night and let's hope we can put this past year firmly behind us ...things can only get better sweetie huh xx
 

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