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Please Help With Advice... Awful Torment from Having to Hear Voices for Over a Year and a Half Now..

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tormentedinnocence

New member
Joined
May 4, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Northern California
I have been suffering pretty badly from auditory hallucinations for about a year and a half now and it has been awful. It has been robbing me of a quality of life or the ability to be able to enjoy a single day without the torment of some rudely and sometimes agonizing imposing interruption by a harshly judgmental inner voice that is apparently disguising itself as people I used to associate with.

My experience has been something along the lines of people from my past have somehow taken the role of inner demons and they torment, bully, and harshly judge me in thought, commenting and making repetitive irritating sounds like they have the ability to view my inner thoughts and emotions.

I don't want to say that it is painful because pain is physical, but it causes me to suffer badly. It leads me to believe that I have no privacy whatsoever, and that these people have some means of observing me, my thoughts, and my most inner and private feelings. I have surrendered the very notion of privacy all together because of how bad it has been.

The logical medical and factual answer seems to be that this is something my mind has created, and it has been suggested to me several times by a psychiatrist that I be on psychiatric medication, but I refuse to. I refuse to go on psychiatric medication and I refuse to accept this as a real problem.

I'm sorry to say it but to me it just seems like some rotten underhanded trick. The voices I am hearing seem to be coming from nasty, greedy, competitive people from my past who have wronged me very badly. They deceived me, pretended to be my friends, and cheated me out of many good things in my life. It is a long story and difficult to explain, but let me just say that looking back on it, it is like I was mislead and cheated, badly.

Writing about it seems silly even to me trying to explain it, but I feel like I lost my childhood home to people who mislead me, pretended to be my friends and somehow managed to rip my homelife apart including my family (my parents marriage) and the home and town I grew up in. Ripped away from me after associating with people who I really didn’t know, and apparently made the mistake of trusting.

Nowadays I live on the other side of the country from these people, but does that stop them? No. I have to hear their voices and awful hideous narration of what I am saying, doing, or thinking and their rude little sound effects at least 20 times throughout the day.



The logical medical factual answer:

It is something your mind is fabricating and it only dwells within your mind even though it doesn’t seem that way.

You need to be on psychiatric medication.



My observation:

It is being inflicted upon me through some means I do not understand. My best guess or explanation, Spiritual Abuse



It is difficult to explain but I feel as if they really are demons. Something out of the movie The Devil's Advocate. I used to sin and be a sinner, and I got damned because of it. I have changed, I resist sin I strive to be a good person through and through, and what am I faced with every day, the torments of hell. Trying to anger me, and have me go to ugly awful places in my mind that these people who wronged me very badly, would call normal. The types of people who idolize and glorify crime and accept misery as normal. From my understanding and observations of the beliefs of my inner demons Innocence is naïve (or vulnerable), evil is true (or strong).
 
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TheHeartHasAVoice

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 14, 2020
Messages
338
Location
Australia
Hi, sorry to hear of your deep suffering. Can you think of the last time you didn't hear them during wakefulness? What was the situation? I just want to establish if they are intermittent or constant.
 
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karl7

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2013
Messages
595
im sorry too for the difficulties youre having now....im friendless myself
 
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Lab rat

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 6, 2020
Messages
709
Location
UK
Hi and welcome :welcome: we all suffer in our own ways, sometimes our experiences are very similar and ‘by the book’ sometimes very different and unique to ourselves.

you accept that you’re hearing things no one else hears... that’s the first step! You have no paranoid ideas about where they come from (yet)... congratulations, that’s the next 6 steps. While it is at this manageable level, best to see a pdoc and see if meds stop it for good. The other play is to self manage it, but one caveat, it can get significantly worse if that’s the course your illness takes.

meds are not a magical cure, they may even not work and they do have side effects. But also, they may eliminate your symptoms and put you on track for a normal life. Meds don’t work for me, I’ve tried them all, I have to self manage and my illness waxes and wanes.
 
Micsodi

Micsodi

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 26, 2020
Messages
53
Location
Romania
Hello tormentedinnocence!

I'm so sorry to read how much you're suffering.
Here you can find friends who accept you, and make you feel welcomed on the forums.
You are never alone.
I think everyone chooses their own approach to dealing with their voices, and you are a survivor, anything that makes you stronger is the right approach. :)
I know how it feels to try and never be pure enough to defeat demons. After telepathy, it was my first line of thought. I am still switching my belief, but the more I do, the less I am sure about the cause. It's been 5 years and I am on medications, though it never worked for me right, it helped me survive the worst. I understand your reluctance to take them.
Talking about it is always healing.
Thank you, for sharing your feelings. :grouphug:
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 6, 2017
Messages
4,454
Location
Sheffiield
You'd be surprised at what medication can do to a voice, my own personal experience with them are that they reduce the volume of my voice by around 95% which allows me to ignore 'him' more easily, so easily in fact I haven't spoken a word to him for over three and a half years now.

Before meds he was strong, loud and obnoxious but now he's weak beyond belief. So weak he does nothing but beg, whine and rant about me not talking to him and me keeping him medicated, something I'll do for as long as I possibly can.

I personally don't think it's a creation of your own subconscious, I believe they're real entities but not anything of a religious nature. The only man that I believe has come close to fully understanding what they are is Anthony Peake who wrote a book entitled 'The Daemon - A guide to your extraordinary secret self', although Daemon is pronounced Demon he believes they have nothing to do with demons from Christianity, the word Daemon comes from Greek mythology and means 'guiding spirit' and his book mainly focuses on the good voices that people have heard throughout human history. Yes, some voices can be a force for good.

I'm sorry yours is like mine and is nothing but bad news, I've been dealing with and studying mine for just over four years now, he's attacked me in ways you wouldn't believe and I believe my best protection from him is my meds.

Whatever you decide I wish you the best of luck.
 
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Daringdan

Well-known member
Joined
May 8, 2020
Messages
162
Location
Louisville, Ky
Sorry to hear about your whole situation. I too suffer but a bit differently via paranoid schizophrenic thoughts and also traumatic reoccurring thoughts brought on from delusions. I too think in terms of religious explanations, such as, it seems to somewhat be my fault, like, I created the conditions necessary to breed the illness. Even if it is like 20% my fault, do I not deserve redemption? Just think, we have all sinned and the worst sinners can be redeemed. I don't know your faith but I believe that many people are just unfortunate and deserve as much of the pursuit of happiness as anyone else no matter what they have done. God is like an alchemists that can transmute suffering into wisdom and empathy.

A note about medication. I recently started regularly taking Xanax which really seems to help since I have general anxiety. It tamps down my symptoms.

I have recently been drawing a lot of strength from reading Charles Spurgeon's Morning and Evening devotional (you can google a pdf of it). My condition comes and goes and through it all I have spiritually grown and I think you can too.
 
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Thelma27

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 11, 2020
Messages
152
Location
Lonfon
Thanks for your understanding I try to keep an open mind about everything that I believe will help me combat this illness one thing for sure is that I could not manage without medication I hope we all find a way of coping so that we can live a happy and fulfilling life
 
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natalie

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 1, 2014
Messages
14,906
Like I say, you really do need to seek medical mental healht attention, this will be the only method of controlling, the voices, which apparently to me seemingly are of hostile so to speak, approach, and also do contact the community mental health sorrry about this, crisis team. They will be the best department to point you in the right direction, and get you on meddication.

So I am in agreement very recently via anothe reader/member, do seek medical mental healht support, oteherwise, your condiiton, could hopefully much more seirously detioriate.


And we don't want you to get to that juncture.


I do wish you hopefully well.
 
Cyborg101

Cyborg101

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 25, 2020
Messages
360
Location
UK
@karl7 Everyone has a friend you just don’t realise
 
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