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Please help me

Brokenmirror

Brokenmirror

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Hello beautiful people, I'm new here. So, I am severely depressed. Last weekend I survived an suicide attempt. My life is slowly falling apart. My mom kicked me out of the house because she couldn't deal with my depression anymore. I'm now living with my dad he's so worried for me and he's always there to listen to me although he can't understand my problems. I feel like I'm a walking corpse when I take my antidepressants, I feel like there's not a single bit of life left in me. I have no goals, no motivation, no hobbies anymore. I always feel like this is what I'm going to deal with for the rest of my life. My heart is telling me to move on and that I will be happy again but my brain is telling me to give up. I am so angry at myself for letting this happen. I don't want to feel like there's always something that's pulling me down, I want to be free. I have a hard time telling people how I feel because my family would often tell me " You aren't depressed, You have no right to be depressed, my life was a lot worse..." so I just go quiet and say that I'm fine. If someone would give me an advice I would really appreciate it. Thank you for reading.
 
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bpd2020

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Hello Brokenmirror. Welcome to the forum. I am so sorry to hear you attempted to end your life. Depression is a real condition and your family telling you that you are not depressed is not helping. Please do not be angry with yourself for being depressed. You cannot help how you feel and you need empathy not anger. Have you had any professional support?
 
Tawny

Tawny

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You clearly are not able to cope with very much at the moment so all you need to focus on is resting. That doesn't mean staying in bed all day :) it means taking care of the basics.

Keep a routine if you can
Go out for a short walk. Often i felt more able to walk at night.

Eat breakfast, lunch and dinner with healthy snacks. Hopefully your dad can help with this or can get you some food shopping that is easy to prepare like a cheese and ham sandwich with cherry tomatoes, i would have.

Try to get some sunshine in the morning. Even if it is through the window.

Find an easy hobby like colouring or reading an easy magazine. Sketching or writing a journal. Listening to the radio too.

Don't think ahead, don't look back, focus on now and resting and those basic things. Keep positive. Keep taking your medication and checking in with your doctor over the phone if needed.
 
Brokenmirror

Brokenmirror

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Thank you, you're such a beautiful soul. Thank you for your words, I will definitely try everything that you recommended 💜
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Thank you, you're such a beautiful soul. Thank you for your words, I will definitely try everything that you recommended 💜
That's so nice of you to say. Sadly it is because i have been through what you are going through as has B i think. Personal experience is very educational :) I did everything wrong, then learned everything right.

Drink lots of water
Keep taking that medication!
 
Brokenmirror

Brokenmirror

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Hello Brokenmirror. Welcome to the forum. I am so sorry to hear you attempted to end your life. Depression is a real condition and your family telling you that you are not depressed is not helping. Please do not be angry with yourself for being depressed. You cannot help how you feel and you need empathy not anger. Have you had any professional support?
HI, thank you for replying 💜 I did went to my therapist but honestly it did not help me that much he just gave me the antidepressants.
 
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bpd2020

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HI, thank you for replying 💜 I did went to my therapist but honestly it did not help me that much he just gave me the antidepressants.
I think having therapy could help. It would get to the root of what is causing you to feel depressed. If the antidepressant has not done anything after 6 weeks then it is worth trying another one. It can take time to find one that is suitable. Do not worry, there is hope.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Yes 6 weeks is the time where you should be feeling a bit better as in sleeping well, eating more. It might need increasing or swapping.
 
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Shay94

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Welcome to the forum, I'm sorry to hear of what you're going thru and that you survived a suicide attempt. I know what your going thru, I did same thing myself couple of years ago after my mum went thru cancer 2nd time round. My partner was & still is my biggest support, my family also but they still try having debates with me telling me I should go out, meet new friends, try new things etc. They always ask how I'm doing but rather than getting into it & being annoyed by them raving on bout my life, I just tell them same thing that I'm fine to avoid it. A lot of people don't understand what its like till you've been thru it yourself & it takes a lot of courage/guts to pull yourself out of it to even do the simplest normal daily routines. Am proud of you and know you can always msg me to talk bout anything x
 
Brokenmirror

Brokenmirror

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Welcome to the forum, I'm sorry to hear of what you're going thru and that you survived a suicide attempt. I know what your going thru, I did same thing myself couple of years ago after my mum went thru cancer 2nd time round. My partner was & still is my biggest support, my family also but they still try having debates with me telling me I should go out, meet new friends, try new things etc. They always ask how I'm doing but rather than getting into it & being annoyed by them raving on bout my life, I just tell them same thing that I'm fine to avoid it. A lot of people don't understand what its like till you've been thru it yourself & it takes a lot of courage/guts to pull yourself out of it to even do the simplest normal daily routines. Am proud of you and know you can always msg me to talk bout anything x
I'm really happy that someone understands me even though I wouldn't want anyone to feel like this. Thank you so much for your support I really needed it 💜
 
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boffin1252

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I think your mum should have been more understanding. Must have really felt bad to be kicked out. I know the feeling sometimes anti depressants don't seem to work.

I feel like a corpse walking sometimes myself. Constantly thinking about how to kill myself. The only thing that stops me is thinking of the pain I will leave behind.
 
T

timi0000

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Jul 12, 2020
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Location
Pittsburgh
Hello beautiful people, I'm new here. So, I am severely depressed. Last weekend I survived an suicide attempt. My life is slowly falling apart. My mom kicked me out of the house because she couldn't deal with my depression anymore. I'm now living with my dad he's so worried for me and he's always there to listen to me although he can't understand my problems. I feel like I'm a walking corpse when I take my antidepressants, I feel like there's not a single bit of life left in me. I have no goals, no motivation, no hobbies anymore. I always feel like this is what I'm going to deal with for the rest of my life. My heart is telling me to move on and that I will be happy again but my brain is telling me to give up. I am so angry at myself for letting this happen. I don't want to feel like there's always something that's pulling me down, I want to be free. I have a hard time telling people how I feel because my family would often tell me " You aren't depressed, You have no right to be depressed, my life was a lot worse..." so I just go quiet and say that I'm fine. If someone would give me an advice I would really appreciate it. Thank you for reading.
Broken Mirror, let me share with you what worked for me. I would recommend reading the book "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle and APPLYING the principles he talks about in your life. Just reading for an intellectual understanding won't make a difference. It was the very first thing that started to unlock me from my dysfunction.

Meditating on my breath really helped too. Focusing on the sensation of my breath as it enters and leaves a nostril is what you do. I would recommend finding a teacher in your area or at least find some information on YouTube. This really helped me unlock from my dysfunction too.

Taking the actions of love toward other people really helped me too. Start treating the people around you with more love. Do more loving things for them. Start helping people. When I did this, the dysfunction just melted away over time.

More than anything, take whatever actions you feel drawn to take in dealing with your depression. When your mind sees that you are serious about getting to the core of problem, the dysfunction will decrease since it has served its purpose. It is like an alarm bell letting you know that you have some issues that need to be dealt with.

I was suicidal to at one point. Now suicide is the furthest thing from my mind. You can change! Things can get a lot better! Be really motivated towards taking actions that you think will relieve your depression.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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I feel always on the edge of something risky and unwise. I have learned to live with those feelings now. When depression comes it is 10x harder to keep my head in the right state of mind. I lose my grip on the positive and hopeful.

This is why it is so important to be very kind to yourself, very gentle, congratulate yourself on coping, because depression is a big killer and also having stressful relationships on top of that, it can feel impossible.

The only way i survived depression was to read books and write on a forum. Family were so unhelpful and the medics were either very helpful or very unkind. Protecting ourselves when so vulnerable is important. I am glad you have your dad there, to help you with the basics and hopefully take you for a short walk in the evening or to a park to feed the ducks. All we need is one person who can be there for physical needs. The minimum we need anyway.
 
Faith198

Faith198

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I can only imagine the pain you’re feeling and I’m so sorry. I really wish the medication would have helped you but I get what you mean about feeling kind of zombie-ish. I think it would be great to maybe start therapy (I know typical recommendation) but I do want to let you know that you matter and your feelings are valid. Don’t let your family tell you whether or not you have depression or make it like it’s some competition with you. They’re not in your head or feeling what you’re feeling. They don’t get it.
The best advice I can give you besides what I already said is to keep going. You are strong and worthy of being happy and living your life to the fullest. 💜💜💜💜 I really hope everything works out for you
 
kuroro

kuroro

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Jun 30, 2020
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France
Lovieeee!!!!!! You're going through so much and you're so brave to have opened up to us!

I'm thinking of one solution I am myself considering: basically taking an appointment with a professional (therapist, psychatrist), you and your dad. The aim of that meeting will be to give more insight about your situation to your dad. Idk if you feel comfortable enough to be opening up about your struggles to your dad but since he worries about you and cares, I think it will help a lot. Thus far you've only been relying on yourself and you have been carrying so much emotional burden on your bare shoulders! I think finally having someone who understands even if it's just a bit, really can be a relief. Since it's someone you live with you won't have to hold back in your behaviour and I know that doing this is freaking hard especially when depression sometimes controls us and the way we act......

I'm proud of you okay?? You're doing well. Do not forget that it's completely fine to be sad, depressed, mentally ill, suicidal and so on!!!! It's okay to feel like giving up. Please remind yourself that you are loved!!!! I feel your heart, I know it's hard....... Love you
 
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