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fightback_ocd

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Jun 8, 2018
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27
Hi everyone,
I am new to this forum. I have been suffering from severe OCD for as long as I can remember. Unfortunately OCD runs in my family(my grandmother and my parents to some extent). So, probably, I have inherited it genetically. I remember having OCD issues right from my childhood. But, it didn't bother me much, then. (Also, I never ever thought of suffering from a mental condition!!!). But when I moved to college, I was subjected to bullying, which along with some other factors exaggerated my symptoms.My OCD is mainly pure-o(mental compulsions)which is so severe that I can't even take a small decision. Also. I suffer from a number of other comorbid disorders: SOCIAL PHOBIA, PANIC ATTACKS, GAD, BODY DYSMORPHIA, TRICHOTILLOMANIA & some physical ailments.My psychiatrist has prescribed me meds for above-mentioned diagnosis, but I am not taking them due to the side effects. I am also not attending the therapy sessions due to financial reasons. I haven't told a single soul on this planet (except the psychiatrist!!!!)about all these stuff. I have not been going to college for more than 4 months.Presently, I feel helpless and ashamed to talk about my illness. This shame is hindering me from getting the right treatment.
I am looking forward to your suggestions as to what should I be doing.Please reply to my post
 
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green85

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Jun 7, 2018
Messages
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firstly you are ill...don't be ashamed. I am 33...I would have been ashamed in teens/early adulthood. .now I don't care and talk honestly about this...if you broke your arm and had it in a cast...you would get empathy. mental health is a social taboo yet 1 in 3 suffer....you are poorly...do not feel ashamed. you sound a bit lost atm. ..you need to speak to Dr about med side effects /trying something else and college. ..college will have support available to you. will seem a big frightening step but will be others at college in same boat& taking control of 1 aspect in your life will help.I have trich. .what do you pull? (edited) when stressed. .seems bleak now.but with a medication /help support network tweak, you could soon be on track again.xxx
 
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exyz

exyz

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Jun 14, 2017
Messages
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:hug1:
Wow that is a lot to deal with. I'm really so sorry that you are suffering with this.
I don't think the OCD is genetic. I'd suggest maybe is a kind of learned behaviour if you have been very young and close family have had this behaviour around you. If that makes sense?

I'm really sorry you haven't the money for therapy, does the psychiatrist know this? There will be a student counsellor at college. You need to approach them in confidence, and they may be able to help you to access free therapy.

All good wishes, please keep talking here if it helps. It takes a while sometimes to get replies here as we all have health issues and everyone here is a volunteer. :)
 
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fightback_ocd

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Jun 8, 2018
Messages
27
First of all, thank you for replying to the post.
I do know that I should not feel ashamed of my disorders, but Everytime I try to express my suffering in front of others, I hold back fearing what people would think of me. I think it's my SOCIAL PHOBIA(fear of judgment) that is holding me back. But, for my SOCIAL PHOBIA (and OCD) to get treated , I need to express myself!!!!!!. It's like being in a contradictory situation where one thing is feeding the other and vice versa. As a result, currently, I am feeling helpless.I think you appreciate my predicament.Now, please reply and advise me.
 
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fightback_ocd

Active member
Joined
Jun 8, 2018
Messages
27
firstly you are ill...don't be ashamed. I am 33...I would have been ashamed in teens/early adulthood. .now I don't care and talk honestly about this...if you broke your arm and had it in a cast...you would get empathy. mental health is a social taboo yet 1 in 3 suffer....you are poorly...do not feel ashamed. you sound a bit lost atm. ..you need to speak to Dr about med side effects /trying something else and college. ..college will have support available to you. will seem a big frightening step but will be others at college in same boat& taking control of 1 aspect in your life will help.I have trich. .what do you pull? (edited) when stressed. .seems bleak now.but with a medication /help support network tweak, you could soon be on track again.xxx
First of all, thank you for replying to the post.
I do know that I should not feel ashamed of my disorders, but Everytime I try to express my suffering in front of others, I hold back fearing what people would think of me. I think it's my SOCIAL PHOBIA(fear of judgment) that is holding me back. But, for my SOCIAL PHOBIA (and OCD) to get treated , I need to express myself!!!!!!. It's like being in a contradictory situation where one thing is feeding the other and vice versa. As a result, currently, I am feeling helpless.I think you appreciate my predicament.But, tomorrow, I shall go to my college and narrate my entire situation to the HOD.Hope, it helps me��������
 
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exyz

exyz

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Joined
Jun 14, 2017
Messages
2,774
Hello again,
Before you talk to the College, check that you are talking to the right person there! Not every lecturer is clued up... so I don't want you to take a brave step, and then find yourself talking to an eejit!:)

Can you look at your College's website and put in searches such as "student support" " advice and guidance" "counselling"?

There should be a part of the College dedicated to student support, and you need to make an appointment with one of those people.

If you trust your HOD ( Head of Department?) then by all means see him or her. I find it helps me to either write a short letter giving a brief outline (like in your first post) or maybe some headings on paper to help you.

I am ok writing things down, but forget what I want to say in a face to face sometimes.:rolleyes:

Think about what you would like to happen, e.g therapy which is not expensive and is relevant.
Maybe action about the bullying, an investigation.

You are doing great. It is a first step, so a bit at a time. Think it through, ( but don't over think it either:) )

We are on your side here. I do not suffer from OCD, but I have other mental health issues. The thing is, everyone here knows what it is like to feel so bad, and sometimes hopeless about things.

Really glad that you are thinking about what steps to take. Keep talking here if it helps, it would be good to know how things are going with you. Whatever support you find, take it!

Onward and upward and to Infinity and Beyond;) :hug1:
 
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fightback_ocd

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Jun 8, 2018
Messages
27
Hello again,
Before you talk to the College, check that you are talking to the right person there! Not every lecturer is clued up... so I don't want you to take a brave step, and then find yourself talking to an eejit!:)

Can you look at your College's website and put in searches such as "student support" " advice and guidance" "counselling"?

There should be a part of the College dedicated to student support, and you need to make an appointment with one of those people.

If you trust your HOD ( Head of Department?) then by all means see him or her. I find it helps me to either write a short letter giving a brief outline (like in your first post) or maybe some headings on paper to help you.

I am ok writing things down, but forget what I want to say in a face to face sometimes.:rolleyes:

Think about what you would like to happen, e.g therapy which is not expensive and is relevant.
Maybe action about the bullying, an investigation.

You are doing great. It is a first step, so a bit at a time. Think it through, ( but don't over think it either:) )

We are on your side here. I do not suffer from OCD, but I have other mental health issues. The thing is, everyone here knows what it is like to feel so bad, and sometimes hopeless about things.

Really glad that you are thinking about what steps to take. Keep talking here if it helps, it would be good to know how things are going with you. Whatever support you find, take it!

Onward and upward and to Infinity and Beyond;) :hug1:
Thank you for replying,
Let me clarify my situation. Presently, I am a first year medical student pursuing MBBS.
As a result, the HOD (head of department) present there are DOCTOR themselves.Although they are not psychiatrists, being a doctor would help them understand my situation to some extent(that's what I think). That's why, I am looking forward to their help in this regard.Hope, I am taking the right step.
What do you think????. Please reply
 
exyz

exyz

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Oh right, I see what you are saying.
Well, yes, they should "get it" particularly as they are responsible for students.

But... and just my view... it's also worth checking out student services anyway and research what there may be available.
So that you are at least informed when you speak to HOD.

I think you are doing great for yourself so far.

Also, maybe think it through this way. If in years to come, you were an HOD and a first year med came to you with an identical problem. What would you say to them to help support them?:)

But yes talk to HOD.

In fact talking to you about this, I recall some years ago a family friends daughter developed severe anxiety and OCD. She was a young doctor, an event triggered it off. She was very unwell for a while. However she has it controlled now and is a great doctor.

You can come through this, well done you for taking steps forward.:flowers: The best doctors often are the ones who know how awful it is to have had a challenging condition.

I don't like to say more about my friends daughter, as it's a public forum and don't want to say anything identifying.:peace:
 
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fightback_ocd

Active member
Joined
Jun 8, 2018
Messages
27
Oh right, I see what you are saying.
Well, yes, they should "get it" particularly as they are responsible for students.

But... and just my view... it's also worth checking out student services anyway and research what there may be available.
So that you are at least informed when you speak to HOD.

I think you are doing great for yourself so far.

Also, maybe think it through this way. If in years to come, you were an HOD and a first year med came to you with an identical problem. What would you say to them to help support them?:)

But yes talk to HOD.

In fact talking to you about this, I recall some years ago a family friends daughter developed severe anxiety and OCD. She was a young doctor, an event triggered it off. She was very unwell for a while. However she has it controlled now and is a great doctor.

You can come through this, well done you for taking steps forward.:flowers: The best doctors often are the ones who know how awful it is to have had a challenging condition.

I don't like to say more about my friends daughter, as it's a public forum and don't want to say anything identifying.:peace:
Thank you very muchfor your precious advice.
But, Everytime I enter the college to get help, negative thoughts start spinning in my head.I get frightened by the very thought that people would think of me as being MAD or CRAZY once I disclose my mental illness. They would label me; ridicule me. I would be discriminated against. I shall always be known as a person having some mental issues.People would not like to befriend me.The very thought of people staring at me once I use the term mental illness frightens me. All these things have forced me to bottle up my emotions and keep them to myself.
While talking to you I feel much better.It's like talking to someone who can understand my situation.
Now, let's see what happens tomorrow when I will enter the college once again to disclose my mental illness . Let's hope for the best.😦😦😦
 
exyz

exyz

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I'm a bit concerned.... so hold on a moment....

Think this through, you are a first year med student.
You are under a lot of pressure study wise, people are not particularly nice around you, that's not your fault people can be arses.

Don't go up to HOD and " declare a mental illness". Brave though it is.
You say to the HOD that you need their advice, you have been seeing a pdoc for OCD behaviour, it is supposed to being supported by therapy.
However,
As a med student, you cannot afford to pay for the therapy as well as the expense of your studies. Can the HOD suggest how you could access therapy to help support your pdoc treatment?

Let him reply ... he will maybe ask an open question... how long has this been going on for example.

Then tell him it was learned behaviour from young, you were coping with it but then there has been an episode of bullying while at College and that seems to have made it worse.

Ask for counselling through the college. They will be properly trained.

My advice, and it is only advice, is don't go in declaring it a mental illness as if you are a mad axe murderer. You are not criminally insane. People have OCD and anxiety. It's really debilitating if not treated. Just like any other illness.

You are asking for help for
1) Accessing proper support through therapy/counselling
2) If appropriate, someone to deal with the bullying issue.

Don't apologise for being unwell it is not your fault, no it does not affect your studies, but it needs treatment so that it is under control for the future.
Hope that makes sense.

Make sure that HOD has time to see you, ie don't turn up unexpectedly when he is about to burst a boil on his bum or something.:)
 
exyz

exyz

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Me again... sorry.

Is there a student body/council that supports students? I'm in the UK so not your country. If they are any good they may have some kind of support also/advocacy type group.

I guarantee you are not the only person in College with these conditions. There are all sorts of conditions people around you are suffering from. Pick anything from this Forum and someone will be like that in the College.
Decades ago, when I was at Uni, I recall sitting in the exam hall when someone shouted they had gone blind.
"Hysterical blindness" ( as then known) brought on by pressure of the exam. She was inconsolable at the time. She went on to be a leading very well respected lawyer.:)
 
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fightback_ocd

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Messages
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Me again... sorry.

Is there a student body/council that supports students? I'm in the UK so not your country. If they are any good they may have some kind of support also/advocacy type group.

I guarantee you are not the only person in College with these conditions. There are all sorts of conditions people around you are suffering from. Pick anything from this Forum and someone will be like that in the College.
Decades ago, when I was at Uni, I recall sitting in the exam hall when someone shouted they had gone blind.
"Hysterical blindness" ( as then known) brought on by pressure of the exam. She was inconsolable at the time. She went on to be a leading very well respected lawyer.:)
Yes yes you are right
There may be many persons around me having similar issues, but hiding them due to the prevailing stigma.
Now, tomorrow first and foremost, I shall go to the college and ask the HOD for his advice without thinking much about 'WHAT IFs.'
I also think that once I initiate the conversation with him, it will be an easy process. It's all about getting the right kick start and getting the talk started. I hope you agree with me
I am feeling much more confident after sharing my thoughts with you. Now, I shall talk to you tomorrow after coming back from college.
 
exyz

exyz

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:)
Great!

Sometimes we all just need to sound things out. You come across as a bit more relaxed about it and I'm feeling good. Yes please do come back and let us know how it goes. Lean on us here as much as you need.

I'll be thinking about you tomorrow and willing you on.

Take good care and best wishes:flowers:
 
Cazcat

Cazcat

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Hi, I agree with the advice given. I had counselling as a student at uni. I work in a medically related profession and I know for a fact that it is very common for both students and staff to need support with mental health issues. If you find that talking to your HOD face to face is too difficult you could start the discussions via email if that's easier. Last time I went to an appointment with the nurse at work I wrote everything down and gave it to her as I knew I wouldn't be able to talk to her about my SH symptoms and suicidal thoughts, but felt it was important she knew how bad things really were. It worked well.
 
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fightback_ocd

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Messages
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Hello. Back to the forum again.😃😃
Today I went to the college with a firm determination, but unfortunately, the HOD was not present.He has been on a leave for 4-5 days and would come back the day after tomorrow.I felt tempted to tell the teachers about all these stuff, but later thought that it would be of no avail.So, why keep on announcing your illness when it won't fetch you anything.
So, I shall wait for one more day and again go to college when he comes.
Let's see what happens!!!!
 
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