• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Please help me :(

M

Miss-Understood

New member
Joined
Apr 29, 2010
Messages
1
First of all, I havent officially being diagnosed with bipolar YET (only my doctor who worked on a phyci, I am currently on the waiting list to see a specailist

I live with my 2 children and their dad.

Today is just a typical day when I "blow"... as my partner knows, I struggle with everyday things as I am either depressed (99% of the time) or very high.

SO, I am very unorgansied and have over the years got worse. I am unable to keep on top of house work etc. So after many many "blows" my partner tells me he's going to try harder with helping me out as he knows I get fustrated when I can't keep on top of stuff no matter how hard I try (he's quite good like that really, not like a typical man, he does actually help out with the house etc) so after he tells me he's going to try harder (by the way, he is self employed, he works from home doing web development, past 2 weeks he's not had much work on) so for the past week he's been helping me out lots on keeping on top of things, untill a few days ago, he's kinda slacked off, don't get me wrong I appreciate all his help and I ahve told him I do so much) so the kithcens a bit untidy, and I get a little but mad with myself and say to him "its starting again, even though you promised to help, all the mess is starting again, and its gonna get me really p***ed off again" so, he mentions that the pans on the stove, the plates on the side are all my fault and its not his fault, and that its all my fault the kitchens got bad again, so why am I moaning, but yet he left some emty tins of tuna, the butter, a plate, knife and a few others things out last night. So I mention this and he says "well it was only a few things, plus it was late (10.30pm) so Its ok for me" so I said "oh so I'm the bad one but when you do it you have a good enough excuse and thats ok" I also mentioned that I'm not mentally well so he can't expect me to change from being messed up to be ultra organised over night!! he didnt like the fact that I shouted at him and he felt stupid cos he forgot he'd made mess too and thoguht he could just put the blame on me!!!! So then, he threw a plate across the floor which went all over and made me angry! I told him that he's no good for me and how am I supposed to get better if its all about saving his ass!!!!!!!!

Anyone, something comes on the TV that I'v been waiting for about bipolar, I told him to have a listen with me and he said I don't need to I know all about it!!!!!!!! SO I blew again, I punched him and screamed in his face about how he is with me. He then hit me and told me I was mental, which really upset me and I felt like I was going insane i todl him he needs to get out of my life cos he's making this hard for me. I came upstairs crying so much, I don't know what to do anymore :( why can't he just accept I am mentally ill and things he does/sasy makes it worse :( calling someone whos mentallly ill "mental" is a very bad move because then I get worse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Please can someone who suffers with this help me :cry::cry:
 
W

wff

Guest
Look: everybody through their lives has an occasion when "mental" could be applied to them. They may even think that of themselves. For the mentally ill it doubly applies. If you have a mental illness then the treatment may involve taking medicine. This will help you. You may wish to prompt your doctor if you are starting to feel the need to see a specialist soon.

Couples have friction at times. Give time to your partner/husband and discuss things with him. Forget the dishes and everything else for a couple of hours (after the children are in bed, if need be).
 
S

skyblue

Guest
First of all, I havent officially being diagnosed with bipolar YET (only my doctor who worked on a phyci, I am currently on the waiting list to see a specailist

I live with my 2 children and their dad.

Today is just a typical day when I "blow"... as my partner knows, I struggle with everyday things as I am either depressed (99% of the time) or very high.

SO, I am very unorgansied and have over the years got worse. I am unable to keep on top of house work etc. So after many many "blows" my partner tells me he's going to try harder with helping me out as he knows I get fustrated when I can't keep on top of stuff no matter how hard I try (he's quite good like that really, not like a typical man, he does actually help out with the house etc) so after he tells me he's going to try harder (by the way, he is self employed, he works from home doing web development, past 2 weeks he's not had much work on) so for the past week he's been helping me out lots on keeping on top of things, untill a few days ago, he's kinda slacked off, don't get me wrong I appreciate all his help and I ahve told him I do so much) so the kithcens a bit untidy, and I get a little but mad with myself and say to him "its starting again, even though you promised to help, all the mess is starting again, and its gonna get me really p***ed off again" so, he mentions that the pans on the stove, the plates on the side are all my fault and its not his fault, and that its all my fault the kitchens got bad again, so why am I moaning, but yet he left some emty tins of tuna, the butter, a plate, knife and a few others things out last night. So I mention this and he says "well it was only a few things, plus it was late (10.30pm) so Its ok for me" so I said "oh so I'm the bad one but when you do it you have a good enough excuse and thats ok" I also mentioned that I'm not mentally well so he can't expect me to change from being messed up to be ultra organised over night!! he didnt like the fact that I shouted at him and he felt stupid cos he forgot he'd made mess too and thoguht he could just put the blame on me!!!! So then, he threw a plate across the floor which went all over and made me angry! I told him that he's no good for me and how am I supposed to get better if its all about saving his ass!!!!!!!!

Anyone, something comes on the TV that I'v been waiting for about bipolar, I told him to have a listen with me and he said I don't need to I know all about it!!!!!!!! SO I blew again, I punched him and screamed in his face about how he is with me. He then hit me and told me I was mental, which really upset me and I felt like I was going insane i todl him he needs to get out of my life cos he's making this hard for me. I came upstairs crying so much, I don't know what to do anymore :( why can't he just accept I am mentally ill and things he does/sasy makes it worse :( calling someone whos mentallly ill "mental" is a very bad move because then I get worse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Please can someone who suffers with this help me :cry::cry:
Hi Miss-Understood,

I really don't know what to suggest, because at times the same misunderstandings happen with me, from my partner. He has never hit me though, he does push me away sometimes quite violently, but that's just the way he reacts when angry. For your partner to hit you, is out of order, (it's physical abuse) and for him to call you 'mental' is also out of line (he's emotionally abusing you), so neither of these are on.

I have two children aswell. Having mental health problems ourselves is hard enough to cope with. Being a mum can be extremely overwhelming and very hard work. At the moment I'm really struggling with the house chores, driving my kids to school 6 miles away, cooking, cleaning, tidying, organising - It's a full time job and it's a 24 hr job too, it never ends ! We rarely get a break from all this and so all this stress just adds to our problems of illness.

All I can suggest is to try and keep diaries, a chalk board for lists, sticky notes around the place, on the fridge. The dishes, washing, ironing etc,... can be done bit by bit, little by little each day.

My partner works very long hours, he leaves for work 6am and sometimes doesn't come back until 10pm, he then has to do all his accounts (he's also self employed), either that or he falls asleep as soon as he gets in because he's so tired. He even works on Saturdays, so I only really see him on Sundays. So, I can understand that he's also stressed with his work and has so much to do, unfortunately we can't change that because we have bills to pay and a mortgage, his van for work and my car to drive kids around, etc, etc. He helps when he can, but I can't blame him if he can't, simply because he hasn't enough time.

I'd also suggest to try and make a time to sit down and talk to him about the way you're feeling. You've got to remember though, it's very hard for him to understand because he's never suffered with these illnesses. But I'm sure if you try and have another talk about it, he could come to understand bits and I'm sure he loves you and would want to support you and give you the best help he can.

Let us know how you're getting on. :flowers:
 
Last edited:
E

Emziins

New member
Joined
Apr 29, 2010
Messages
4
Wow

I can really relate to this because I've been going through nearly the same thing, My fella is a web developer/web designer (they are normally lazy gits!) and works from home at night and goes to uni during the day! When it comes to house work I think its incredibly hard to get on top of it! and it really makes you feel worse. It's not good darlin'.

When you're depressed it always makes things seem 10 times worse and when your partner isn't helping as much as you think they should it's very easy to get worked up about it but remember it's never REALLY about the dishes.

There seem to be some underlying issues. He clearly has some anger issues and that needs sorted asap, There is NO excuse for him hitting you and you should never think that that is ok. You guys need to have a cup of tea and talk about this properly. You need to stay really calm tho because I've learned from experience that becoming hysterical and crying whilst trying to talk about being bi-polar doesn't get you anywhere.

Remember too how it is for the other person. My fiancé told me once that not knowing which one of me he was gonna wake up too was very hard and having to constantly prepare himself for it became exhausting. He has his own stresses but I couldn't see them because all I could think of was my illness. I used to think it merited my behaviour and coming to bed after blowing up at him for something insignificant as putting sugar in my tea was awful.

I used to think he had no interest in my illness but it turned out he was scared. It's hard for partners to admit there is a problem believe it or not. Some blame themselves, Some take a hands on "lets get you sorted" approach and some just shut down completely.

Hang in there chick xo
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
U Please help Bipolar Forum 16
M My on/off partner has shown all signs of bipolar, and I need help & advice please Bipolar Forum 4
S please help Bipolar Forum 4
C ** Please Help me ** Needing opinions on wife's mental state... Bipolar Forum 10
M I am bipolar type 2, and my younger brother was now recently diagnosed with type 1. Please help. Bipolar Forum 2
angel1982 URGENT ADVICE PLEASE IM DESPERATE Bipolar Forum 25
C Need some input please Bipolar Forum 9
Julia_2021 Med is killing my libido, is there any help? Bipolar Forum 24
M Help! I am in Pain! Bipolar Forum 12
D Help me Bipolar Forum 10
J Bipolar help Bipolar Forum 19
G How do reach out for help when I can't speak about it out loud? Bipolar Forum 1
B Getting help for anxiety Bipolar Forum 4
J Feeling defeated, boyfriend does not want to seek help...what can I do? Bipolar Forum 8
G best friend with bipolar disorder abruptly dumped me, help! Bipolar Forum 17
N where to start with asking for help and getting an assessment for bipolar. Bipolar Forum 10
M Help Bipolar Forum 1
B Re: my partner doesn't understand nor help. Bipolar Forum 3
B My partner doesn't understand nor help. Bipolar Forum 9
M Help Bipolar Forum 6
S I need help. I don’t need help. Bipolar Forum 8
S Can someone help me understand what I should do? Bipolar Forum 14
M How do I help someone with bipolar? Bipolar Forum 10
Marly92 Bipolar and amphetamines HELP Bipolar Forum 9
U Need urgent help Bipolar Forum 46
h_put2021 Need help Bipolar Forum 5
K Need help regarding how to respond to my wife's last outburst Bipolar Forum 11
D Need help understanding Bipolar Forum 10
K I need help.. Bipolar Forum 13
Y Help! My boyfriend is bipolar Bipolar Forum 9
S Help My Husband has Bipolar and I dont know what to do Bipolar Forum 5
J lithium is making my hair look crazy :( any ideas to help? Bipolar Forum 3
S Some help Bipolar Forum 4
HLon99 Excessive Sleeping Help! Bipolar Forum 1
HLon99 Help for a friend who is seeing ghosts Bipolar Forum 3
W Help ... Doc wants to change my medication from Seroquel to Rexulti Bipolar Forum 3
D I HAVE A FORTHCOMING CAMPUS FINAL YEAR EXAM depression or ANXIETY... PLZ HELP Bipolar Forum 9
M Help with thoughts.... Bipolar Forum 4

Similar threads

Top