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please help me

*autumn*

*autumn*

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Someone please please help me.
I've been linked with a man in recovery.
I knew something deep within when i saw him.
I stopped attending meetings with him at, because it brought up issues with me and i wasn't working with my recovery.
They say you should not have a relationship with someone in recovery for at least one or two years.
There was a lot of energy that i felt and some subtle flirting that was going on between us, i just knew that this man is my soulmate. He said this inadvertantly in a meeting and mentioned something about telepathy. There are too many incidences that i've written down which have validated my intuition. He has shared in meetings and we have bounced off each other.
I've shut my feelings down completely but just think that i saw him and i burst out crying.
He is in my conscious and my subconscious mind.
In my dreams and the first thing i think about when i wake up.

What i'd like to know please, if anyone can help, is:

.......... how do i know if i'm deluded?
...........What's the difference between what is real and what is not?
............"Spiritually enlightened or disillusioned and deluded"

(to quote post Somerset scorpio wrote a while ago.)

Thank you for reading this.
 
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Alienated

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Wow.. What a question.What's the difference between what is real and what is not?

That's difficult for allot of people now. But as far as 13 step, recovery relationships. Well I am a recovered alcoholic, and had gone to meetings for almost 15 years.. Saw allot of that go on, and heard many talk about it. I hear it hardly ever goes good.

I have been sober for 8 1/2 years and I still don't think I am ready for one, because of the same reason. What's real in this world and what's fake.. I wish I could help you, but I am just as lost.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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I think that these situations are always very difficult.:hug1:

I've had a very complicated "relationship" with a man for the last two years. I have come to the conclusion now that I was indeed deluded, and that perhaps there was a karmic connection between us.
There's no doubt the connection was strong, but not necessarily for the right reasons.:unsure:

So how often do you see this guy? Have you got close to him?
Also, just to clarify, you left the group with him in it because you thought it wouldn't help your recovery (rather than because you were scared of him)?
 
*autumn*

*autumn*

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I think that these situations are always very difficult.:hug1:

I've had a very complicated "relationship" with a man for the last two years. I have come to the conclusion now that I was indeed deluded, and that perhaps there was a karmic connection between us.
There's no doubt the connection was strong, but not necessarily for the right reasons.:unsure:

So how often do you see this guy? Have you got close to him?
Also, just to clarify, you left the group with him in it because you thought it wouldn't help your recovery (rather than because you were scared of him)?
I used to see him all the time in meetings. The closest we have ever done is hug. I left the group with him in it because i was using my feelings for him to distract me and i wasn't getting on with looking at myself. I'm so sad and in despair. I know what i felt and it was between us. I haven't been in a meeting where he has been in for a while but i just feel so deeply for him. How do i know if i'm deluded??? :cry:
 
*autumn*

*autumn*

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Nikita said:
I am not sure I am answering your question the way you mean it to be answered.
But if you are asking is this guy really feeling the same link to me as I am to him or is he faking it,it sounds like you have to be the one to suss him out as a genuine potential lover or someone who is a user and a fake.
The main thing to make sure is that he is not a narcissist,psychopath or sociopath, cause they are all fakes,and they will use you , fake honesty and fake love ,chew you up ,spit you out and drain all the life force from you first.Obviously addiction isn't a kind bedfellow either.
So I think I can answer your question best by saying check out the psychopathfree website forum to get an idea of what fake people do to snare their target victims and see if this guy is displaying any of these behaviors.Then you will have the tools to figure out of he is a real genuine kind loving person or a fake.
I think that is the best I can do for you to help you out of this one Autumn.Good luck!
This is the link below.You will need to register as a member and log in,there is a lot of info in the library and on the home page and look through the forum and read about people's experiences of narcs etc.You will learn so much!It will save you a lot of pain and heartache and you will know how to spot a bad un and escape them.

https://www.psychopathfree.com/logi...5577-1b006b35c6cc372f8a616517de181ed188fbac35
Thank you nikita for your response.
 
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*autumn*

*autumn*

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Are you there SS or anyone else?
I'm so sorry :cry2::cry2::cry2::cry2::cry2::cry2::cry2::cry2::cry2::cry2:
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Are you there SS or anyone else?
I'm so sorry :cry2::cry2::cry2::cry2::cry2::cry2::cry2::cry2::cry2::cry2:
Don't be silly! You don't need to apologise at all! :hug1:

In the kindest possible way, I think that part of you that decided not to attend meetings with him there is probably the wiser part of yourself.
Perhaps on a higher level you knew that in order to focus on yourself, it was best not to be around him.

These intense connections are crazy. Believe me - i've had my experience of it! It can make you feel almost obsessed with a person and totally in love. Like your soul mate has finally arrived. I thought this guy who I referred to earlier was my "twin soul".
There is a lot of stuff written about how when we meet someone, we project certain things on to them before truly knowing who they are and it's all those projections that lead to heartbreak.

I don't know - I don't want to rain on your parade either.:unsure: I suppose in my own experience, any feelings for someone that come on so suddenly and so intensely have never lead to anything positive.

Ultimately I don't want you to be hurt or disappointed, or possibly even exploited by anyone.
The most important thing is that you do what is best for you in the long term.
I do very much agree with the principle about not seeing someone whilst you're in recovery.
Relationships can cause so much pain and they don't half trigger off your personal stuff.

It is absolutely essential that you stay focused on what's best for you.
 
*autumn*

*autumn*

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Thank you wholeheartedly for your response, your care and attention.
I agree with what you said about the wiser part of me not seeing him to work on me.

I get to find out about who he is at meetings although ive shut myself from that for the while.

What about if the whole of my life has been a projection?

Idk i can't get him out of my mind. This feeling won't go away. I guess i'll have to ride it and give recovery my all.
I'm in it for a reason. I just hope he is everything that i've been dreaming of. I really do.
 
SomersetScorpio

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It's trippy, isn't it?
When you think about what's actually real, is love ever real, do we just imagine and put our own feelings on to people?
I completely understand the confusion. I just try to shut off from it because it could very easily drive you 'round the bend if you over-think it too much.:scared:

I'm not saying this to worry you or to be unsupportive, but be on guard and look after yourself. As I said, that's number one priority.

It would be good if you can distract yourself with thoughts of other things.
Perhaps allow yourself a certain amount of time to think about him, then go and do something else to take up your concentration. x
 
*autumn*

*autumn*

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It is trippy, yeah. the whole of my life is trippy. i just wonder ss what is real and what isn't. i know my feelings are real. thanks so much for your support, you are a gem.
i've got to move forward.:rolleyes:

:hug1: :) xxx
 
*autumn*

*autumn*

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It just came to me; if i've nothing to compare my reality with, i.e people, sharing and experiences, then that is a contributory factor in me thinking i am deluded. Because when i share, it helps me.
 
Gajolene

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That's something I really relate with AutumnSprinkles. I felt so alone and weird for so many years because I suffered in silence and had no one to go to. The forum opened up the world to me, and as you said just knowing others share the same feelings and experiences, that there's compassion and real empathy really helps ease the burden of those struggles. Huge hugs :hug1:
 
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