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Butterfly3

Active member
Joined
May 20, 2020
Messages
37
Location
England
My girlfriend went through very bad childhood trauma which understandably she finds it very hard to talk about. Her family don’t really know much just the general of what happened because they went to the police. Her friends all know, she’s open about the fact it happened it’s just the details of it she won’t really tell anyone. She once told her ex girlfriend a bit but her reaction was terrible and I think that scared her off from wanting to open up again.

the other night we went to her friends house and the topic was brought up, she’s only been friends with this person for two months but her daughter had a similar experience so I’m guesssing they all chatted about it at some point when I wasn’t there. I’m really happy she was able to find that support but part of me is a little upset, I understand it’s her story and she will hopefully one day feel ready to talk about it but I kind of feel like I’m the only person who doesn’t really know anything. Everyone kind of knows bits and pieces but all I know is that she went through sexual abuse for a long time. I feel like a bad girlfriend because I don’t know anything and she just doesn’t talk to me. I’m also a bit upset that she was able to speak to other people and not me? I know it’s selfish and I’m sure it’s because they shared a similar experience but I just feel so shut out.

I just wondered if anyone who has kind of been through the same may understand her reasoning behind this? Or be able to explain things a bit more to me? I want to be the best girlfriend possible for her and help her as much as possible.
 
GhostOfLenin

GhostOfLenin

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 16, 2020
Messages
3,037
Location
Glasgow
My girlfriend went through very bad childhood trauma which understandably she finds it very hard to talk about. Her family don’t really know much just the general of what happened because they went to the police. Her friends all know, she’s open about the fact it happened it’s just the details of it she won’t really tell anyone. She once told her ex girlfriend a bit but her reaction was terrible and I think that scared her off from wanting to open up again.

the other night we went to her friends house and the topic was brought up, she’s only been friends with this person for two months but her daughter had a similar experience so I’m guesssing they all chatted about it at some point when I wasn’t there. I’m really happy she was able to find that support but part of me is a little upset, I understand it’s her story and she will hopefully one day feel ready to talk about it but I kind of feel like I’m the only person who doesn’t really know anything. Everyone kind of knows bits and pieces but all I know is that she went through sexual abuse for a long time. I feel like a bad girlfriend because I don’t know anything and she just doesn’t talk to me. I’m also a bit upset that she was able to speak to other people and not me? I know it’s selfish and I’m sure it’s because they shared a similar experience but I just feel so shut out.

I just wondered if anyone who has kind of been through the same may understand her reasoning behind this? Or be able to explain things a bit more to me? I want to be the best girlfriend possible for her and help her as much as possible.
When you go through a traumatic event you feel kike tour the only one in the world it happened to. Then if you meet someone who has experienced the same thing is an amazing release to not be the only one. And a bond and trust is inevitable. Dont take it personally. Its going to help your partner no end. Which will help your relationship in the long run. Support, love bit above all understand. Its hard growing up with that shit.
 
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Butterfly3

Active member
Joined
May 20, 2020
Messages
37
Location
England
When you go through a traumatic event you feel kike tour the only one in the world it happened to. Then if you meet someone who has experienced the same thing is an amazing release to not be the only one. And a bond and trust is inevitable. Dont take it personally. Its going to help your partner no end. Which will help your relationship in the long run. Support, love bit above all understand. Its hard growing up with that shit.
Thank you for your reply. I completely empathise and try my hardest to be there and understand her and I see maybe it was helpful for her that she had someone who had been through similar to open up. I just feel like a bad girlfriend as she was able to open up to them when they haven’t known each other long and not to me at all, is there something wrong with me? I was there when she was really struggling and I did loads of research and tried to help her use skills and did as much as I could. Is there something more I could be doing?
 
GhostOfLenin

GhostOfLenin

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 16, 2020
Messages
3,037
Location
Glasgow
Thank you for your reply. I completely empathise and try my hardest to be there and understand her and I see maybe it was helpful for her that she had someone who had been through similar to open up. I just feel like a bad girlfriend as she was able to open up to them when they haven’t known each other long and not to me at all, is there something wrong with me? I was there when she was really struggling and I did loads of research and tried to help her use skills and did as much as I could. Is there something more I could be doing?
Honestly is hard to talk about that stuff. If you find somone who has gone though it there is always an instant connection. Nothing wrong with you. Be happy she has an outlet there. It will make her more happy which in turn will make you both more happy. Remember your her partner, she will want to come back to you feeling good xxx
 
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Butterfly3

Active member
Joined
May 20, 2020
Messages
37
Location
England
Honestly is hard to talk about that stuff. If you find somone who has gone though it there is always an instant connection. Nothing wrong with you. Be happy she has an outlet there. It will make her more happy which in turn will make you both more happy. Remember your her partner, she will want to come back to you feeling good xxx
thank you so so much for being so lovely and understanding, you’ve made me see a lot clearer and feel better and like I understand her more! Xxx
 
GhostOfLenin

GhostOfLenin

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 16, 2020
Messages
3,037
Location
Glasgow
thank you so so much for being so lovely and understanding, you’ve made me see a lot clearer and feel better and like I understand her more! Xxx
No worries we are all friends here. You will help someone else then they will etc etc. Dont disappear though if all goes well. Keep us up to date, dont tell anyone but im a big sap hehe
 
GhostOfLenin

GhostOfLenin

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 16, 2020
Messages
3,037
Location
Glasgow
thank you so so much for being so lovely and understanding, you’ve made me see a lot clearer and feel better and like I understand her more! Xxx
How are things today?
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
3,699
Location
USA
Hi there @Butterfly3

I've been married for many years and I have never told my husband everything(I have told him some)I've been through. And I never will.

It's nothing personal against him,I just don't feel comfortable in doing so. There's been other people I have told though.

I honestly don't think it's anything you should let upset you in any way. If and when she wants to talk to you about it she will.
 
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Butterfly3

Active member
Joined
May 20, 2020
Messages
37
Location
England
No worries we are all friends here. You will help someone else then they will etc etc. Dont disappear though if all goes well. Keep us up to date, dont tell anyone but im a big sap hehe
aww this is so sweet!! Thank you so so much I’m sorry I haven’t been on here so I didn’t see your message! Things are a lot better thanks, I didn’t mention anything so we didn’t talk about it, I’m wondering if I should though? Just like if it come up or something mention that I’m there and she can talk to me? It’s just so hard cause she hates the pitty and feeling bad for her so I don’t really know how to react either?
 
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Butterfly3

Active member
Joined
May 20, 2020
Messages
37
Location
England
How are things today?
you’re so sweet thank you for remembering me and asking!! I’m sorry I just saw this. Things are okay, our country is in a new type of lockdown so I’m not going to see her for a while now and I’m quite upset but she just told me there is nothing we can do so I shouldn’t be upset which just made me so much more sad. I’m so sorry that wasn’t positive but we have lots of dates over face time planned which I’m excited for and I just sent her a Halloween card in the post with some chocolate! How are things with you? Thank you again for being so kind!
 
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Butterfly3

Active member
Joined
May 20, 2020
Messages
37
Location
England
Hi there @Butterfly3

I've been married for many years and I have never told my husband everything(I have told him some)I've been through. And I never will.

It's nothing personal against him,I just don't feel comfortable in doing so. There's been other people I have told though.

I honestly don't think it's anything you should let upset you in any way. If and when she wants to talk to you about it she will.
Thank you so so much for your reply, you seem to be in the same situation as her so your reply means a lot to me and my understanding of things!

I hope you don’t mind me asking and if you don’t want to reply or feel uncomfortable please say, but I was wondering if maybe you have a reason for not telling your husband? You said you felt uncomfortable and I was just wondering why that is? And why you felt comfortable with those other people instead of him? I hope that’s okay to ask? I’m really sorry if not, stay safe and well.
 
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