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Please help me understand

S

Slg2081

New member
Joined
Jun 25, 2018
Messages
1
Hello. I recently had a baby with my boyfriend. I have lived with him for a year . I am trying to make this work but believe he has a personality disorder that he will not admit to . I wanted to see if anyone else have experienced these symptoms and can guide me in how to help him so we can stay together. I’ll try to make it short
He never liked my 17 year old son . He would pick on him for everything. A piece of paper on the floor . Called him names accused him of stealing and even made him walk 3 hours after school to meet friends . He stated he did this to make him a man and that my son was a jerk . My son moved out and the accusations of missing items continued this time with my 14 daughter. There was pills he found in her book bag . I believe he planted them . Before this he loved my daughter to the point he even kept her home from school and blocked the schools number so I didn’t know . Now he blames it all on my daughter. He took a lie decetor (his idea) and failed . The questions ranged from did you lie about items missing to get kids in trouble ? He claimed it has hard for him to understand that’s why he failed . His love for me is amazing . Totally obessed with having a family and always loves me . He is controlling but I can deal with that . He did dissect one of our pets (lizard) when it died( I think he killed it too) . Anyone see something like this ? Please help
 
Hejdå

Hejdå

Active member
Joined
Jun 23, 2018
Messages
36
Hello. I recently had a baby with my boyfriend. I have lived with him for a year . I am trying to make this work but believe he has a personality disorder that he will not admit to . I wanted to see if anyone else have experienced these symptoms and can guide me in how to help him so we can stay together. I’ll try to make it short
He never liked my 17 year old son . He would pick on him for everything. A piece of paper on the floor . Called him names accused him of stealing and even made him walk 3 hours after school to meet friends . He stated he did this to make him a man and that my son was a jerk . My son moved out and the accusations of missing items continued this time with my 14 daughter. There was pills he found in her book bag . I believe he planted them . Before this he loved my daughter to the point he even kept her home from school and blocked the schools number so I didn’t know . Now he blames it all on my daughter. He took a lie decetor (his idea) and failed . The questions ranged from did you lie about items missing to get kids in trouble ? He claimed it has hard for him to understand that’s why he failed . His love for me is amazing . Totally obessed with having a family and always loves me . He is controlling but I can deal with that . He did dissect one of our pets (lizard) when it died( I think he killed it too) . Anyone see something like this ? Please help
Hey,

Firstly, congratulations on having your baby :) That´s amazing.
Secondly, your boyfriend sounds exactly like my narcissitic father. The only thing that worked for me was moving out. The was no pleasing him and the abuse was terrible. I´m so sorry this is happening to you. I really am :(
 
Cazcat

Cazcat

Well-known member
Staff Member on Leave
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Sep 12, 2013
Messages
2,423
Hello and welcome to the forum,

Congratulations on your new arrival. Mental illness (if he has one) are not an excuse for abusive behaviour and what you describe is abuse of yourself, your children and your pets.

This man is controlling (a form of abuse), has lied about your son and daughter and tried to frame them and killed your pet! Please speak to Woman's Aid for advice to help you keep yourself and all your children (and pets) safe.

http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk

Even if he is willing to go to a Dr and even if he is given a diagnosis, change is a long hard process, is it worth exposing your children to this toxicity any longer?
 
Last edited:
U

UnknownEntity

Member
Joined
Nov 3, 2021
Messages
22
Location
USA
Assuming this isn't a troll post, you are honestly a very negligent excuse for a parent. You are knowingly exposing your children to repeated abuse which affects their mental health and potentially their overall success in life since he is even interfering with school. You are abusing your own kids by staying with him and it is selfish to prioritize your feelings for this guy over your kid's wellbeing.
 
2

2Much2Feel

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
1,972
Location
US
Hello. I recently had a baby with my boyfriend. I have lived with him for a year . I am trying to make this work but believe he has a personality disorder that he will not admit to . I wanted to see if anyone else have experienced these symptoms and can guide me in how to help him so we can stay together. I’ll try to make it short
He never liked my 17 year old son . He would pick on him for everything. A piece of paper on the floor . Called him names accused him of stealing and even made him walk 3 hours after school to meet friends . He stated he did this to make him a man and that my son was a jerk . My son moved out and the accusations of missing items continued this time with my 14 daughter. There was pills he found in her book bag . I believe he planted them . Before this he loved my daughter to the point he even kept her home from school and blocked the schools number so I didn’t know . Now he blames it all on my daughter. He took a lie decetor (his idea) and failed . The questions ranged from did you lie about items missing to get kids in trouble ? He claimed it has hard for him to understand that’s why he failed . His love for me is amazing . Totally obessed with having a family and always loves me . He is controlling but I can deal with that . He did dissect one of our pets (lizard) when it died( I think he killed it too) . Anyone see something like this ? Please help
You say he is controlling but you can deal with that, but your children and pets do not have the luxury of this choice. I'm sorry, but I don't understand how you prioritise your feelings for this man over those for your own children and their wellbeing.
 
GretaVon

GretaVon

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 18, 2021
Messages
152
Location
Europe
Hello Slg.

The information you provide is troubling. It seems (but falls short of being definite) to be consistent in terms of your boyfriend being a narcissist, which is very serious. More details of his behavior would be useful.

I advise you to immediately start educating yourself on Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It is useful knowledge even if this turns out to be a false alarm.

If the above turns out to be the case, your relationship is unfortunately doomed, and utterly so. Let's hope there is something different going on.

PS: DO NOT, now or ever, blame yourself for any aspect of your predicament. We humans are programmed to make severe sacrifices in relationships. You should disregard certain critical comments in this thread.
 
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