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Please help me say as little to people as possible

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PookieNumNums

New member
Joined
Nov 13, 2020
Messages
2
Location
Michigan
I really need help on ways I can say as little to people as possible. I originally have a goofy personality. I used to make people laugh ... workers , customers but times are changing.

So many people take everything I say the wrong way. If you approach someone about something they immediately get defensive and snap at you.

Times are changing and I need to change too. I am noticing the less you interact with others the better of everyone is. So please help me .... how can I change everything I've always been to fit in with how things are now.

I need to say things only when I have too. I need to stop bringing up things that are wrong. If I go to Starbucks and I order an iced coffee and they give me a hot coffee I just need to deal with it. It would just be best for everyone all around. I need to stop joking with people. Here is an example customer comes to my counter with 5 or 6 items that are all orange... my natural personality would make a quip about that because I'm a people friendly cashier. This has to stop

Please any ideas out there
 
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NoOne5

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 31, 2020
Messages
1,234
Location
USA
People can be very difficult at times. I'm trying to be more empathetic and kind to people. Even rude disrespectful ones. What helps me a LITTLE is to focus on the good in my enemies. There are people I hate and yet respect at the same time.
 
anex

anex

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 1, 2020
Messages
122
Location
USA
You don’t have to change who you are! A lot of people are on edge..millions. Even billions, considering what’s happening. You continue to be your friendly, goofy self. You are not responsible for the feelings of others. If they get upset and misunderstand you, that’s their experience. You aren’t responsible for it. You can try to help them understand if you want to, but there is only so much we can do. Don’t shove yourself in! Please! I’ve lived my whole life that way and it is painful. I so desperately want to feel free and be me, wholly and completely. But because I’m afraid of how people react, I stay stuck inside myself a lot. I’m trying to correct this, but it’s very difficult. Please be yourself. The world needs our authenticity!
 
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Tam

Active member
Joined
Nov 12, 2020
Messages
41
Location
UK
I really need help on ways I can say as little to people as possible. I originally have a goofy personality. I used to make people laugh ... workers , customers but times are changing.

So many people take everything I say the wrong way. If you approach someone about something they immediately get defensive and snap at you.

Times are changing and I need to change too. I am noticing the less you interact with others the better of everyone is. So please help me .... how can I change everything I've always been to fit in with how things are now.

I need to say things only when I have too. I need to stop bringing up things that are wrong. If I go to Starbucks and I order an iced coffee and they give me a hot coffee I just need to deal with it. It would just be best for everyone all around. I need to stop joking with people. Here is an example customer comes to my counter with 5 or 6 items that are all orange... my natural personality would make a quip about that because I'm a people friendly cashier. This has to stop

Please any ideas out there
Don't change Poo the world needs you and your awesome sense of humour.
 
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PaddyWhack

Member
Joined
Jan 2, 2020
Messages
18
Location
Ireland
Don't change yourself to just 'fit in'. If you think change will benefit you and make you feel better as a person by all means go for it. But if you chase change for the wrong reasons it can lead to self-resentment.

Learn who the people are that understand you and can accept you as you are and maybe ask someone you trust how they perceive you?

If you get the wrong Starbucks's order simply return it, "oh excuse me I ordered an iced coffee and not a hot one".

If someone buying 5 or 6 orange items cant take a joke about it then maybe the issue lies with them?

One piece of advice I would give you is study how other people interact with each other. The next time you go to Starbucks sit your ass down with your iced coffee and look at the way people approach each other from a 3rd perspective, from this you will learn how diverse everyone is.
 
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Thiswaythatway

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 26, 2019
Messages
230
Location
Uk
My goodness @PookieNumNums your opening words are resonating with me. It would be easy to dismiss your observations of "changing times" as a problem within yourself but I totally see it too.

People are changing. I have countless interactions everyday in my work and more often that not the conversation becomes contratian, an opportunity for self promotion or a a posturing/hierarchy based power battle. It is exhausting. Today I was talking about a given issue I felt was important when suddenly the person I was talking to noted an opportunity for self promotion to someone else and completely ignored me.

Without careful reflection, these instances will lead to an unwarranted judgement on yourself as being in the wrong. This is a mistake. I think the way people present in conversations betray their own anxiety, lack of confidence or need for validation. This is a symptom to the more ruthless society that has been created over the last decade or so.

This is all a theory of course but I urge you to resist unfairly analysing your own communication skills. You are old school. Stay true to that.
 
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PookieNumNums

New member
Joined
Nov 13, 2020
Messages
2
Location
Michigan
I am trying my hardest but it's very very hard to only say what you need to. Every day I get home and could kick myself in the A ....
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
4,469
Location
England
I have this problem! I hate it, always have, it has always got me into trouble. It is hard to stop it, but i have come to the conclusion that:

What i say is not bad and people that get upset shouldn't be so sensitive and defensive

If i say things wrong, inappropriate, i cannot change that. I can do nothing but carry on and try to do better

The less i see people, the better :)

Try not to make eye contact, so look at your phone whenever standing in a queue, take a puzzle book if sitting in a waiting room, divert your attention

If on the bus, put earphones in, even if not listening to music, and look around you. People won't talk to you, you cannot overhear them and therefore will not be tempted to talk

At work, do your job, and leave the space, no idle chat possible

Say good morning, keep walking, don't stop to chat

Most of all, remember, there are so many people who love people like us, people who don't talk to anyone all day, people who like to listen to us going on and on. There are people that hate the intrusion but more than love it
 
jajingna

jajingna

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
2,079
Location
Canada
I dunno, it sounds like you wanna suppress your natural personality just because some people don't respond to you favorably sometimes? What you describe seems so harmless. Maybe it's social anxiety, or kind of obsessing over what others think? A lot of us do this, though of course we don't really know what others are thinking unless they tell us, and then we have no control over any of that anyway.
 
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