** Please Help me ** Needing opinions on wife's mental state...

[Camalot459]

Good evening to you all,

I am new to the forums and have been seeking to find out some answers in regards to my wife's mental state. I would like to start off by giving a minor back story while most certainly trying to keep is short. My wife and I have been married for almost 9 years (December 9 year anniversary).

My story starts a few weeks back when I noticed my wife had been mentally becoming flat and her facial features seemed to change? Her face seemed to become just "dark looking", cant really think of any other way to describe it. Someone married to someone that long can just tell when something seems off. Anyways as time progressed I started noticing my wife being very secretive of her phone, ultimately I grabbed it one day and found on google searches on satanism, and how its practiced, the history of it etc. When I found it I was a little shook at first considering we have always been a Christian family, regardless I didn't care, because at this moment I knew something was just really off. She explained that she was no longer wanting to be apart of the Christian faith, and had always felt brainwashed by her family members, I supported her through this and just tried to understand and support her on this journey, ultimately she began to practice Wicca and began to really get into the religion, practicing cast and spells, etc. Again I just stood by her side a supported her.

As time progressed, one Saturday she was very distant, very quiet, not talkative and you could really tell something was going on. I tried every way to get her to speak to me and all I got was nothing is wrong. I left the house to grab some things and the wife was making dinner. As I got back to the house, the wife was gone, I called her phone, she ignored the call, I called again and no answer, I checked tracking on our iphones, and she turned location services off. Wife then called me crying, stating that she didnt have any idea where she was, she broke down on the phone and told me that she is tired of being sick, she will never feel better, nothing we ever do will fix the way she feels, etc. I consoled the wife as best i knew and helped her figure out where she was and whos car it was and reminded to use gps to plug in our home address to get back home. Wife came back home, we went for a drive and as we are driving she is telling me that she cannot shake the racing thoughts and she takes a lorazapam (0.5mg) to take the edge off. We drive around a little more and finally go home and head to bed.

Next day, same thing, acting way off very flat, distant, quiet and just not the same person. Afternoon comes around and wife decides to take a bath, I give her, her time, and after two hours I walk in and ask if she was ok, immediately this upset her, she puts down her phone closes out the candles, essentially ending her bath, she gets out, and wife is extremely upset, stated i am controlling, i can never give her space, peace she has so much going on she states and says she needs to figure out the divorce. THE DIVORCE! i was thinking, yes the divorce she said, long story short she stated she is done and I should have paid attention to the numerous times shes asked me to change. ( I am in no way blaming this part of our marriage on her, or meds or anything like that, I was asked to change, became complacent in our marriage and now she is completely done.)

Next day, I am unfortunately still shocked, begging pleading, crying the usual anyone does when it feels like someone has died. Im doing better now but at first the initial shock is just very upsetting. Wife tells me the she doesn't mean to be rude but how i feel now is how she has felt the past 8 years. The wife and continue to talk during the week, shes still staying in the house and we are still sleeping in the same bed. During this week i am pleading for her to stay and we can just do a break, separate, etc. Wife says she'll stay for now, but the weekend coming up, she was going to go out of town (3hr drive away way bigger city) because she needs space and to get away. And wants to be alone. I forgot to mention during the middle of the week, we had emergency appointment with wifes psychiatrist after I contacted the psychiatrist and explained what all has been going on - psychiatrist reevaluated my wife, wife explains that she has been having hallucinations, hearing voices and things not right, psychiatrist states that it sounds like she might be going through a little bit of psychosis. NP (psychiatrist) prescribes 0.5 risperadone.

That weekend comes, wife goes out of town, by herself, allows me to track her, turned her tracking on and we share the same bank account so I saw all purchases - sunday night came and I was able to speak with the wife about something shady that happened and she admitted to cheating on me with a female. I asked her about incident, and she stated it was horrible...

My question to everyone on the forum is, has anyone ever seen anything like this? My wife has done a complete and total 180 degree turn and has turned into something i almost don't physically recognize. She has changed religion, became protective of her phone, taking off, turning off location services, having sexual encounters, drinking every night, asking for a divorce, and I took a sneak peak at an intake survey she completed for a psychiatrist she is about to see and the intake packet is horrible, pretty much states that she is hurting has suicidal thoughts, never feels good enough etc. A lot of issues.

Is this divorce and sexual encounters and change of religion all real? or could this be something with her mental health?

***PLEASE ANYONE HELP ME UNDERSTAND***

P.S.

Backstory on wife she has been diagnosed with....

Bipolar 2
Severe Depression
Severe Anxiety
PTSD

her medications currently....

Viibryd 40mg
Lamictal 250mg
Lithium 300mg
Venafalaxine 37.5mg
Doxepin 75mg (sleep aide)
**newest** Risperadone 0.5mg

Could this be too many meds, could something be making all this happen?

any help i great appreciate it

 

[Zoe1]

hi Camelot

sounds like you don't have healthy boundaries with each other

I don't believe we should ' grab our partners phone '
maybe I haven't tested that one but I like to think I would not do that

calling her ' the wife ' sounds as though she is your property

walking into the bathroom without knocking and waiting for permission

and pathologising her behaviour
so that anything you don't like is a sign of her illness ...

I think your boundaries are too messed up for couple therapy
and would recommend you seek therapy for yourself

which will be of infinite benefit to her ...

 

[keith74]

My question to everyone on the forum is, has anyone ever seen anything like this? My wife has done a complete and total 180 degree turn and has turned into something i almost don't physically recognize.

This is how I feel about my wife. She is currently in a manic episode and I don't recognize her. She said that she has changed permanently and she speaks with such conviction that I actually worry this may be true. Some of the words that my wife says I can't believe it is the same person I married. Every time she gets mad at me, she throws out the divorce word. She has "divorced" me so many times during this episode that I have lost count. But when I seriously push her on it, she pulls back and says she didn't mean it. It is like she is trying to push my boundaries and when I finally started telling her I am taking it seriously she says she only said it in anger.

The other stuff you described I can't say I've experienced with my wife. But it does sound like she is in a manic episode.

 

[Camalot459]

This is how I feel about my wife. She is currently in a manic episode and I don't recognize her. She said that she has changed permanently and she speaks with such conviction that I actually worry this may be true. Some of the words that my wife says I can't believe it is the same person I married. Every time she gets mad at me, she throws out the divorce word. She has "divorced" me so many times during this episode that I have lost count. But when I seriously push her on it, she pulls back and says she didn't mean it. It is like she is trying to push my boundaries and when I finally started telling her I am taking it seriously she says she only said it in anger.

The other stuff you described I can't say I've experienced with my wife. But it does sound like she is in a manic episode.

Thank you Keith74 for the reply,

I appreciate any type of ideas, recommendations, resolutions, understanding, etc. anyone has to offer at this point. I have done so much research online on youtube and that is the one thing i keep always seeing as making the most sense, that she is in a manic phase... but what im having such a hard time trying figure out is how after all these years has she never had one or acted anything like this?

8 years and ive never ever seen anything like this from her ever in the slightest bit... She carries herself so calm and collected for the most part put just doesn't seem like the same person, how long do Manic phases typically last? Will it just stop one day and she be like Holy Crap! what just happened?

Just looking for answers and insight...

Thank you, to all

 

[SunnyDaze]

Hi @Camalot459

Have you been having marriage problems prior to a few weeks ago when you feel she completely changed? Was everything perfectly fine between the 2 of you before that?

 

[Deleted member 93850]

Hi @Camalot459

Have you been having marriage problems prior to a few weeks ago when you feel she completely changed? Was everything perfectly fine between the 2 of you before that?

I'm sure the husband didn't become controlling all of a sudden. Also mid section she asked him several times to change. I guess you never lived with a controlling type of person that watches everything you do. Some of them follow you or have you watched and followed by others. It feels like you're drowning and you just want to get the fuck out or you're going to completely lose it.

They feel like you're their property and you have to do what they say. Some of them beat their wives and they're very demeaning. But still think they are awesome men and husbands. Due to massive amount of acceptance for generations of gender superiority is why it continues today. I hated the inferior treatment and those that have accepted it.

Male chauvinism is the belief of gender superiority. That males are superior over females and is no different as racism. Racism is a belief where a race is superior over another. Why can't people see that it's the same. Race and Gender is typically in all legal forms and also the question are close to one another. Seems like both are quite significant.

How many men hold political seats compared to women? Population wise men and women are always close to a 50 50 split. But only a insulting percentage are women. 75% are boomer grandpapa's and great grandpapas that run the world. Boomers aren't even a majority, they need to go play bingo.

 

[keith74]

Thank you Keith74 for the reply,

I appreciate any type of ideas, recommendations, resolutions, understanding, etc. anyone has to offer at this point. I have done so much research online on youtube and that is the one thing i keep always seeing as making the most sense, that she is in a manic phase... but what im having such a hard time trying figure out is how after all these years has she never had one or acted anything like this?

8 years and ive never ever seen anything like this from her ever in the slightest bit... She carries herself so calm and collected for the most part put just doesn't seem like the same person, how long do Manic phases typically last? Will it just stop one day and she be like Holy Crap! what just happened?

Just looking for answers and insight...

Thank you, to all

I've been with my wife for 10 years and this is the first full blown manic episode I've seen my wife experience. I never thought it could be like this (I was naive). She is nowhere near as manic as the first few days when it happened and has gotten it somewhat under control - but is still manic. She is quite functional now and can be relatively calm for most stretches but again her thinking is clouded. But someone who doesn't know her would think nothing is wrong with her.

I am not an expert but the length of a manic episode can vary quite a bit depending on if she is getting the right treatment (medication, therapy, etc). Usually, people will eventually come down from the manic episode and often look back and be in some disbelief over their actions.

You mention that your wife is bipolar 2. I think people with bipolar 2 usually do not get full blown mania (just hypomania).

 

[SunnyDaze]

I'm sure the husband didn't become controlling all of a sudden. Also mid section she asked him several times to change. I guess you never lived with a controlling type of person that watches everything you do. Some of them follow you or have you watched and followed by others. It feels like you're drowning and you just want to get the fuck out or you're going to completely lose it.

They feel like you're their property and you have to do what they say. Some of them beat their wives and they're very demeaning. But still think they are awesome men and husbands. Due to massive amount of acceptance for generations of gender superiority is why it continues today. I hated the inferior treatment and those that have accepted it.

Male chauvinism is the belief of gender superiority. That males are superior over females and is no different as racism. Racism is a belief where a race is superior over another. Why can't people see that it's the same. Race and Gender is typically in all legal forms and also the question are close to one another. Seems like both are quite significant.

How many men hold political seats compared to women? Population wise men and women are always close to a 50 50 split. But only a insulting percentage are women. 75% are boomer grandpapa's and great grandpapas that run the world. Boomers aren't even a majority, they need to go play bingo.

I asked the OP what I did for a reason. I was waiting for their response before jumping to conclusions or replying further.

I'm sorry if their post has hit a nerve in you but II would appreciate if you wouldn't jump to conclusions or assume anything about me.

 

[HLon99]

Obsession with occultism is often an early warning signs of psychosis. It is very possible that the affair that she mentioned is a delusion. Often when people feel depressed and psychotic at the same time they will have something known as 'delusions of guilt', where they believe that they have committed some terrible act which in actual case they did not. I experienced a similar feeling.

I know you are concerned about your wife, but constantly tracking her via find my iphone etc will only serve to fuel her paranoia and psychosis and cause a deeper rift of mistrust between you and her. For now I say as long as you know that she is no risk of physical danger from herself or anyone else give her some space and time for her psychosis to subside. Let the doctors do their job and give her the benefit of the doubt for now. Of course if it does later transpire that what she said is in fact true, then that will be a different conversation. But for now, your primary concern should be for her wellbeing and that she recovers from her current condition. Only then will you be able to make a judgement call.

 

[WestCoastGirl]

Your wife sounds like I was in my 20s (now 49) when I was unmedicated and unaware that I was bipolar. I cannot speak for her but I can give you reasons why I personally would've done the things she's doing (when I was much younger).

Feeling controlled is a form of paranoia for me that rears it's damn ugly head at the most inane moments. Something really simple would be blown out of proportion and then I was questioning his every move while thinking he was questioning my every move. I built scenarios in my mind that weren't even a possibility and when I told him about them, the look of disbelief on his face rattled me to the core. He wasn't mentally capable of thinking in that direction.

I'm Christian but I have several neighbors who are Wiccan and they feel a sense of control over their "world" via spells and praying to the goddess, etc. It may be like a soothing tonic on her mind. Got a problem? Forget prayers. Use a spell to get rid of it (and perhaps think it worked (placebo effect maybe?) and then be pissed beyond reason for it not working. The higher power has failed me, the higher power doesn't like me, etc. This f's with the mind so much. Again, only what I've experienced, just spitballing.

The look you talked about is something I've been dealing with my whole life. I couldn't tell you what it looks like (since I can't see my face lol) but I hear "you look like you hate me" and "you look like you want to kill me" or my fave, "you give resting bitch face a new meaning." I experience disbelief every time it happens because half the time, I'm only deep in the recesses of my mind and rarely know who is in the room with me. Sometimes, I'm "saving" that person from my thoughts by not talking or sharing what's on my mind (at least the unmedicated me).

Begging, pleading for her to stay. I would get such a thrill out of this. Having someone show me that they love me even though I'm saying awful things to them, telling them I don't love them or don't want them in my life anymore, and God forbid, making them feel as if they aren't worthy of my life, love or friendship...it was like a cat playing with a mouse. Bipolar would make me feel like a god, like I could do anything. I honestly am shocked I am still alive for I've done reckless and really dangerous things while manic.

And the new man could be a part of that. Not good for me? I want him! Not right for me? Yes, he is! The more people tell me something isn't good for me, the more I want him and you build up this guy in your mind and you make him feel like a king (perhaps the way she made you feel at the beginning of your relationship) and, if she's like me, she plays with him too. Make him feel like a king, then like the dirt on the bottom of my shoe. He's now on the ride and if he's not altogether right in the head, he's getting off on it and soon we're feeding each other's mental problems. Also, sex with someone you really shouldn't be with is always better than the status quo.

What it all comes down to in my experience is that I push people away from me because I no longer have anything positive to offer them. I cannot be the person I was before, I cannot pretend that I can ever be that person you knew and love, and the now evolving person I'm becoming is replacing that person and I no longer see you the same as I did. You are not the man I married (hence why I left my ex after 20 years of marriage). The man I married fed my mental problems and my addictions (personality not drugs or alcohol) and I no longer liked, loved or respected him.

Frankly, if you're accepting her bad behavior, supporting her through things you think aren't good for her (and she probably doesn't either), you set yourself up to look like you're spineless even though you're carrying the burden on a very strong back.

If I had to give you advice from possibly her viewpoint, your marriage will never be the same and she will always expect you to bend to her will because you always have and will resent you if you change that.

If I had to give you advice from someone who is bipolar (but now very healthy), I would say run. Do not allow her behavior to change who you are. You are worth more than that...and most likely, she knows that and hates herself for what she's doing to you.

Sorry so long.

 

[goodgollymiss]

Demonic Foes as Witnessed by a Psychiatrist

In any case, it’s not the exorcist who liberates people — it is Our Lord.

www.ncregister.com

 

[Failing Heart]

This is how I feel about my wife. She is currently in a manic episode and I don't recognize her. She said that she has changed permanently and she speaks with such conviction that I actually worry this may be true. Some of the words that my wife says I can't believe it is the same person I married. Every time she gets mad at me, she throws out the divorce word. She has "divorced" me so many times during this episode that I have lost count. But when I seriously push her on it, she pulls back and says she didn't mean it. It is like she is trying to push my boundaries and when I finally started telling her I am taking it seriously she says she only said it in anger.

The other stuff you described I can't say I've experienced with my wife. But it does sound like she is in a manic episode.

I’m not a doctor but I am bipolar….and this sounds like it to me. Wish I had advice for you. The only helpful thing I can think of is that she truly believes that the things she is saying are true even if they are completely crazy and out of character. Try to listen to her without trying to take over or change her mind. ASK HER QUESTIONS ABOUT WHY SHE FEELS THE WAY SHE DOES. Good luck.

 

[keith74]

I’m not a doctor but I am bipolar….and this sounds like it to me. Wish I had advice for you. The only helpful thing I can think of is that she truly believes that the things she is saying are true even if they are completely crazy and out of character. Try to listen to her without trying to take over or change her mind. ASK HER QUESTIONS ABOUT WHY SHE FEELS THE WAY SHE DOES. Good luck.

Thanks for the kind words. Since my post in October last year, it took her another month for her mania to subside, once it did her mood returned to what I always remembered. It was quite remarkable to see. She slipped into a depression in February and came out of it by mid April. I'm happy to say that she is doing really well now, getting therapy and taking her medication.

 

[Amazingly]

Sounds like she wants out of the marriage that’s all.
Also she could be involved in using drugs.

Topping it all with an underlying mental illness.

 

[Failing Heart]

Your wife sounds like I was in my 20s (now 49) when I was unmedicated and unaware that I was bipolar. I cannot speak for her but I can give you reasons why I personally would've done the things she's doing (when I was much younger).

Feeling controlled is a form of paranoia for me that rears it's damn ugly head at the most inane moments. Something really simple would be blown out of proportion and then I was questioning his every move while thinking he was questioning my every move. I built scenarios in my mind that weren't even a possibility and when I told him about them, the look of disbelief on his face rattled me to the core. He wasn't mentally capable of thinking in that direction.

I'm Christian but I have several neighbors who are Wiccan and they feel a sense of control over their "world" via spells and praying to the goddess, etc. It may be like a soothing tonic on her mind. Got a problem? Forget prayers. Use a spell to get rid of it (and perhaps think it worked (placebo effect maybe?) and then be pissed beyond reason for it not working. The higher power has failed me, the higher power doesn't like me, etc. This f's with the mind so much. Again, only what I've experienced, just spitballing.

The look you talked about is something I've been dealing with my whole life. I couldn't tell you what it looks like (since I can't see my face lol) but I hear "you look like you hate me" and "you look like you want to kill me" or my fave, "you give resting bitch face a new meaning." I experience disbelief every time it happens because half the time, I'm only deep in the recesses of my mind and rarely know who is in the room with me. Sometimes, I'm "saving" that person from my thoughts by not talking or sharing what's on my mind (at least the unmedicated me).

Begging, pleading for her to stay. I would get such a thrill out of this. Having someone show me that they love me even though I'm saying awful things to them, telling them I don't love them or don't want them in my life anymore, and God forbid, making them feel as if they aren't worthy of my life, love or friendship...it was like a cat playing with a mouse. Bipolar would make me feel like a god, like I could do anything. I honestly am shocked I am still alive for I've done reckless and really dangerous things while manic.

And the new man could be a part of that. Not good for me? I want him! Not right for me? Yes, he is! The more people tell me something isn't good for me, the more I want him and you build up this guy in your mind and you make him feel like a king (perhaps the way she made you feel at the beginning of your relationship) and, if she's like me, she plays with him too. Make him feel like a king, then like the dirt on the bottom of my shoe. He's now on the ride and if he's not altogether right in the head, he's getting off on it and soon we're feeding each other's mental problems. Also, sex with someone you really shouldn't be with is always better than the status quo.

What it all comes down to in my experience is that I push people away from me because I no longer have anything positive to offer them. I cannot be the person I was before, I cannot pretend that I can ever be that person you knew and love, and the now evolving person I'm becoming is replacing that person and I no longer see you the same as I did. You are not the man I married (hence why I left my ex after 20 years of marriage). The man I married fed my mental problems and my addictions (personality not drugs or alcohol) and I no longer liked, loved or respected him.

Frankly, if you're accepting her bad behavior, supporting her through things you think aren't good for her (and she probably doesn't either), you set yourself up to look like you're spineless even though you're carrying the burden on a very strong back.

If I had to give you advice from possibly her viewpoint, your marriage will never be the same and she will always expect you to bend to her will because you always have and will resent you if you change that.

If I had to give you advice from someone who is bipolar (but now very healthy), I would say run. Do not allow her behavior to change who you are. You are worth more than that...and most likely, she knows that and hates herself for what she's doing to you.

Sorry so long.

Wow, this really hit home. Thank you SO MUCH for sharing. Sometimes the only comfort I can find is that other people experience what I experience. Also, I had no idea that feeling controlled is a sign of paranoia…there really should be examples of the symptoms they list all over the internet!!! Can’t tell you how many times I’ve told my doctors that I do not show signs of paranoia.
can you advise me on how you cope when you feel out of control?