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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

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M

Muffinoreobibs

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Hi My name is Megan and I struggle a lot with my self esteem in regards to the way I look. Although there are days when I do my makeup, dress up and feel pretty, most of the time I feel really ugly. I compare myself to people online but especially my boyfriends ex girlfriend. I find myself checking her profiles every day and think I may have retroactive jealousy ocd. I cry to myself so often wishing I could be as pretty as her and feel so helpless. I desperately want help as I thought this feeling would go away but even after 2 years it only seems to be getting worse. It’s having a really bad effect on my mental health and confidence. Please help if you can I’m not sure what else to do x
 
OmniscientNihilist

OmniscientNihilist

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find this article on this site and read it

 
jajingna

jajingna

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Hi, welcome to the forum.
 
mandy125

mandy125

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Hello and welcome to the forum :welcome: I hope you make some friends on here and are able to talk about your problems I find this site most useful x
 
MHsmilesxo

MHsmilesxo

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Im the same way with my boyfriend's ex girl and checking out her profile. Since she was my best friend at the time and everyone glorified her for being beautiful. I was green with envy when I started dating him because I wasnt sure if he thought she was more beautiful. But, what I did, was I went for a nature walk and had a one on one session with myself, realizing what I was doing was toxic to me and to our relationship. And I ended up blocking her accounts.
Also, you have to keep in mind your boyfriend is dating you and he loves you a lot as to choose you as his girlfriend. So, I recommend blocking this girl's profile and social media. And if thats not enough, sit down and communicate with your boyfriend. It might be uncomfortable at first, but speaking from experience, it was liberating
 
M

Muffinoreobibs

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Im the same way with my boyfriend's ex girl and checking out her profile. Since she was my best friend at the time and everyone glorified her for being beautiful. I was green with envy when I started dating him because I wasnt sure if he thought she was more beautiful. But, what I did, was I went for a nature walk and had a one on one session with myself, realizing what I was doing was toxic to me and to our relationship. And I ended up blocking her accounts.
Also, you have to keep in mind your boyfriend is dating you and he loves you a lot as to choose you as his girlfriend. So, I recommend blocking this girl's profile and social media. And if thats not enough, sit down and communicate with your boyfriend. It might be uncomfortable at first, but speaking from experience, it was liberating
How did you bring it up? I’m stuck between desperately wanted to talk to him about it in the hopes that it will help and not wanting to bring it up because I don’t want him to think about her. I’m not sure what is best to do. Did it really help when you spoke to him about it? X
 
MHsmilesxo

MHsmilesxo

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How did you bring it up? I’m stuck between desperately wanted to talk to him about it in the hopes that it will help and not wanting to bring it up because I don’t want him to think about her. I’m not sure what is best to do. Did it really help when you spoke to him about it? X
Yes and no, it helped because he reassured me that he loved me and that he was eager to marry me one day. It didn't because it's just something internal within myself that's scared that he misses her. But, I think it takes some time to realize that there's something venomous about that kind of jealous and you just have to take time to realize those traits that you love about yourself that he also loves. Like for example. My bf's ex cheated on him and was mentally abusive to him and didn't do anything for him. And he was hung up on her and didn't think he would find someone to appreciate him.

Anyways, do you and your bf communicate often? Like about your relationship?
 
UpnDwn1978

UpnDwn1978

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Hi Muffinoreobibs welcome to the forum :welcome:
 
M

Muffinoreobibs

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Messages
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Yes and no, it helped because he reassured me that he loved me and that he was eager to marry me one day. It didn't because it's just something internal within myself that's scared that he misses her. But, I think it takes some time to realize that there's something venomous about that kind of jealous and you just have to take time to realize those traits that you love about yourself that he also loves. Like for example. My bf's ex cheated on him and was mentally abusive to him and didn't do anything for him. And he was hung up on her and didn't think he would find someone to appreciate him.

Anyways, do you and your bf communicate often? Like about your relationship?
Yes our relationship is completely fine other than what goes on inside my head. I often talk to him about the way I feel about myself and every time I do I end up feeling so much better but then a couple days later I end up feeling the same, but I think this is something I’ll only be able to overcome by myself if you get what I mean. I’ve opened up to him about how I’m insecure that I was none of his firsts and he was all of mine and he also reassured me and made me feel better about that. But I still feel that way and I’m so worried it will never go away and eventually negatively affect my relationship.
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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May I ask how long you have been with your boyfriend? Personally I don't go round comparing myself to other people, it takes so much pressure off. If you have been with your boyfriend for some time now, I think it's a fair bet he favours you over his x ;) Rather than talk about jealousy, you could mention insecurities, the latter will have a much more favourable outcome. Hope this helps :)
 
M

Muffinoreobibs

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May I ask how long you have been with your boyfriend? Personally I don't go round comparing myself to other people, it takes so much pressure off. If you have been with your boyfriend for some time now, I think it's a fair bet he favours you over his x ;) Rather than talk about jealousy, you could mention insecurities, the latter will have a much more favourable outcome. Hope this helps :)
We will have been together 2 and a half years this month and I know he was onl with his ex for less than a year so im not really sure how long. And perhaps you’re right, I know all of my jealousy stems from insecurities. I worry that people think he downgraded and feel like I am in constant competition with her even though I’m sure she never gives me a thought. It’s just such a horrible cycle but thank you :)
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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Two years plus is a long time to be struggling with this... I wonder if you have considered arranging some sort of Therapy through your Doctor etc...
 
D

Dispatch

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We will have been together 2 and a half years this month and I know he was onl with his ex for less than a year so im not really sure how long. And perhaps you’re right, I know all of my jealousy stems from insecurities. I worry that people think he downgraded and feel like I am in constant competition with her even though I’m sure she never gives me a thought. It’s just such a horrible cycle but thank you :)
... for whatever it’s worth, my first, gut impression is , your bf loves you, not his ex ... so don’t worry about this anymore and be in love ... the more you can put her back in the past the happier you’ll be . I agree, don’t look at her profile anymore, no need , he’s with you, not her. Have fun. 🙂
 
M

Muffinoreobibs

Member
Joined
Jan 9, 2021
Messages
10
Location
United Kingdom
... for whatever it’s worth, my first, gut impression is , your bf loves you, not his ex ... so don’t worry about this anymore and be in love ... the more you can put her back in the past the happier you’ll be . I agree, don’t look at her profile anymore, no need , he’s with you, not her. Have fun. 🙂
Thank you it means a lot
 
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