Please help..If anyone could answer I’d be so so grateful! (HOCD/POCD/ROCD)

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alphacharlie1

Member
Joined
Mar 24, 2019
Messages
9
Location
Sheffield
#1
Hi I’m not going to go into great detail about my history and situation because I feel like I’ve done this before and I’m so exhausted now, I just would like to ask a few questions to anyone who can help me.

1. How do you break the cycle in terms of not having the thoughts but remembering you had the thoughts? As in, right this second I don’t believe I’m my thoughts, but I know that yesterday and the day before it was all so real and I believed I was capable of these things, so it feels like I’m just inevitably waiting for that to happen again.

2. Does OCD try to find every loophole possible? Me and my girlfriend haven’t slept together in a while, and whilst having those thoughts at first I was happy obviously because it squashed any ROCD/HOCD thoughts, but then I got this sudden feeling/thought of harm OCD and what would happen if I couldn’t control my actions.

I feel this is a commonality I’m experiencing often. Like when someone annoys me and I snap, I often think surely that can happen with me acting on my horrible thoughts? I then sit there restless.

Also on the loophole thing, I used to associate home with being safe as in not possible to do any of my thoughts, but then my mind will just find other ways around it from home.

3. (And this is really important to me) I need some advice... I’m starting a dream job post University in London in early August (I’m from up north), I’d be moving down there on my own, living in a house share. Everyone I know, and the rest, know about this job I’ve got and it’s been a talking point for like 6 months. I just don’t feel ready to go there at all yet, it’s like 6 weeks away and I’m JUST about ready to go to the GP and start some meds, and my CBT waiting list is 6 weeks away from me getting my first session at home. I’m stuck in a spiral of if I go to this job I know i won’t enjoy it because I’ll be on my own every night, away from my girlfriend but on the other hand I don’t want to let her/my family down and just be seen as a dosser because no one wants a boyfriend who’s got no ambition/unemployed.
 
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donedidit

New member
Joined
Jun 10, 2019
Messages
2
Location
Enschede
#3
Hey man,

I don't know how much advise you've already had and what you've already heard.
Anyhow, from what I can read, I went through some of the same shit. Had HOCD (homosexual-OCD) for a year and went nuts beyond levels I could ever imagine. Then, got into a relationship and went almost equally nuts because of obsessive thoughts concerning my gf and the relationship. In total it plagued me as some dark form of entertainment for around 3 to 4 years.

Your thoughts and questions sound and feel very familiar but never helped me to improve my mental state. Too much attention goes out to these dark thoughts and they gain validity by your obsessive focus. your obsessive focus on these thoughts shows their importance for you.
THAT is the main problem in my opinion.

Two ways were most fruitful in tackeling this problem.


It may sound weird but the first thing that really helped me was by caring less about wether or not I was gay, or in your case also e.g., if you would be capable of doing harm. Do not care about the answer, loosen your grip on the outcome of the thoughts. Take an indifferent stance towards them as if you couldn't care less. This is in some way like mindfullness (look it up if you didnt already) where you just let the thought be the thought, without internalizing it.

The Second thing that helped me really did it and turned the tide.
I was pretty isolated during my HOCD experience and had plenty time to go nuts on destructive thinking. However, at one point I went to University and moved to a different city.
A life changing moment in my life which required most of my brainpower. Making new friends, doing study projects, parties etc.
Believe it or not, but since I went to University my brain simply had less and less room left for having these stupid thought. With time, I had 'PASSIVELY!' lost the obsessive thoughts. They became unimportant to a point where I forgot I had them. Only when I kissed a girl (which didnt happen for a year or longer) I realized what transformation had taken place.

So if I can give you a summarized advise (for all mental types of OCD)
1.Give the thought no validity by taking a indifferent stance, as if you couldn't care less. (this does not mean telling yourself all the time that you do not care, but more as in.... letting the thoughts slide of your shoulders with a mental shrugg or a dont care brainfart.) I'm serious about this part, treat it like a *(#&$&#^* fart.
2.
Do A LOT of things, keep yourself busy! Give the obsessive thoughts less chance to polute your brain by doing things that really require your spot on attention and complete focus.
(The job you're talking about seems like something that may help you, but be sure then to e.g. make some friends there by picking up a team sport or some other social activity! Maintain an active lifestyle!)

I realize, by reading this, an OCD mind will find controversy or doubt in everything it reads but these steps are, without a doubt, the things that helped me recover and get my life back.

Best of luck in this shitty battle!

cheers
 
A

alphacharlie1

Member
Joined
Mar 24, 2019
Messages
9
Location
Sheffield
#4
Hey man,

I don't know how much advise you've already had and what you've already heard.
Anyhow, from what I can read, I went through some of the same shit. Had HOCD (homosexual-OCD) for a year and went nuts beyond levels I could ever imagine. Then, got into a relationship and went almost equally nuts because of obsessive thoughts concerning my gf and the relationship. In total it plagued me as some dark form of entertainment for around 3 to 4 years.

Your thoughts and questions sound and feel very familiar but never helped me to improve my mental state. Too much attention goes out to these dark thoughts and they gain validity by your obsessive focus. your obsessive focus on these thoughts shows their importance for you.
THAT is the main problem in my opinion.

Two ways were most fruitful in tackeling this problem.

It may sound weird but the first thing that really helped me was by caring less about wether or not I was gay, or in your case also e.g., if you would be capable of doing harm. Do not care about the answer, loosen your grip on the outcome of the thoughts. Take an indifferent stance towards them as if you couldn't care less. This is in some way like mindfullness (look it up if you didnt already) where you just let the thought be the thought, without internalizing it.

The Second thing that helped me really did it and turned the tide.
I was pretty isolated during my HOCD experience and had plenty time to go nuts on destructive thinking. However, at one point I went to University and moved to a different city.
A life changing moment in my life which required most of my brainpower. Making new friends, doing study projects, parties etc.
Believe it or not, but since I went to University my brain simply had less and less room left for having these stupid thought. With time, I had 'PASSIVELY!' lost the obsessive thoughts. They became unimportant to a point where I forgot I had them. Only when I kissed a girl (which didnt happen for a year or longer) I realized what transformation had taken place.

So if I can give you a summarized advise (for all mental types of OCD)
1.Give the thought no validity by taking a indifferent stance, as if you couldn't care less. (this does not mean telling yourself all the time that you do not care, but more as in.... letting the thoughts slide of your shoulders with a mental shrugg or a dont care brainfart.) I'm serious about this part, treat it like a *(#&$&#^* fart.
2.
Do A LOT of things, keep yourself busy! Give the obsessive thoughts less chance to polute your brain by doing things that really require your spot on attention and complete focus.
(The job you're talking about seems like something that may help you, but be sure then to e.g. make some friends there by picking up a team sport or some other social activity! Maintain an active lifestyle!)

I realize, by reading this, an OCD mind will find controversy or doubt in everything it reads but these steps are, without a doubt, the things that helped me recover and get my life back.

Best of luck in this shitty battle!

cheers
Thanks for sharing your problems mate your advice has actually been helpful. Were you on any medication at any point? I keep planning to go the GP’s every day and keep bottling it haha, and in terms of your situation, mine is very much HOCD orientated too, it’s such a struggle.
 
D

donedidit

New member
Joined
Jun 10, 2019
Messages
2
Location
Enschede
#5
Really nice to hear you derived some help from it!
I totally get shit seems pretty dark right now. When I was dealing with it I thought I would be living with fear for the rest of my life. However, it stopped at the moment I least expected it, because funny enough, that's how it works. Monitoring your anxiety (thouhts) feels like a safe and protective thing to do, however, living anxiety free is voluntarily accepting possible dangers ,like thoughts, with your arms open wide. Or same same but different, with your guard down.

Concerning medication, I wasn't on any at any point in time during my OCD experiences.
I have to say that I also may not have been very aware of OCD related medication.
I just saw and still see it as a mental problem which you have to overcome. Medication "may" be usefull (as I cannot speak from experience) but since the problem is so personal, anxiety and thought related, I feel like tackling it with meds seems strange. It is so different from e.g. a physical pain which you numb with aspirin. I don't know if there are meds that change thought patterns? HOWEVER, that is my very subjective take on it.

There is however some sneaky smokable form of medication which really prevents people from getting better. If you smoke weed, really and I mean really, stop it completely.
I was a pretty fanatic smoker back then and my green little friend played constant tricks on my mind, lauching me into deep filosofy and reflection sessions which you better not partake in.

greetz