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Please help. I need advice.

R

ranmi

Member
Joined
Mar 31, 2015
Messages
16
I don't know where to begin. I posted this on a different forum the other day but there was no help, and I'm finding it hard to gather up the energy to write it all again..

I've suffered with anxiety for as long as I can remember, but I started to suffer with serious metal health problems about 7 years ago. I met my partner about 5 years ago and we have a child. Well, I've always felt trapped in the relationship, I guess I find it hard to say no or walk away from people, probably through fear of upsetting them, so I'm stuck in this relationship. Last week I tried to end the relationship with my partner and it went worse than expected. I was hoping he'd be adult about it but instead he really broke me down. He told me he wanted cusyoday of my child and that his family would disown me and I wouldn't be able to survive financially on my own. I have no family, and I can't make friends because of my crippling anxiety, so all this scared me and I backtracked.

The reason I'm writing here, the main problem I have, is that around two years ago a guy who I knew from my childhood contacted me, and we talked regularly and became friends. I put a lot of trust into him and told him my problems, he was very supportive, but after a whole he told me he had feelings for me, that he loved me, and in times of awful depression, I would tell him that I'd be happy to be with him, when I'm out of this relationship. Well obviously, as I said above, I can't end my relationship, I'm too weak, and when I told my friend this he went crazy and told me he would hurt himself and I would be happy when he was dead.

My partner knew of this friend but he didn't know we spoke privately, and now I'm scared. I don't know what to do. All I wanted from this guy was friendship and support. I have no one and it felt good to have a good friend.. This was a few days ago. Since then I haven't been able to eat or sleep, I've been having panic attacks and heart palpitations, and worst of all I have to hide it from my partner as he doesn't know about this..

I'm scared this friend will hurt himself. I'm scared he will contact my partner and tell him about out friendship out of spite. I'm scared this friend will wrote something on social media and my partner will see it.

I don't know what to do. I suffered a lot of abuse as a child and I find it hard to trust, and this has made me a complete wreck. I'm so scared, I need help.

I should mention I'm no longer on antidepressants because I'm scared my partner would use it against me if we broke up, so I'm struggling through this without medication.
 
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Grumpygirl

Member
Joined
Mar 31, 2015
Messages
13
Do you feel you need antidepressant again? The other man who threatened suicide. You should stay away from him as you have enough to cope with with your child and own mental health problems. The current relationship, that's difficult to know what to do but you are strong enough, at least you will be. You will cope financially. Anyone who disowns you isn't worth knowing. Go and talk to your gp about all of it. They may be able to signpost you to people who can help you break free with your child and also with your depression.
 
R

ranmi

Member
Joined
Mar 31, 2015
Messages
16
I don't know. I was so proud of myself when I managed to come off them, but I'm not coping well at the minute. Maybe I do need them.

My child is my whole world, I just want to do whatever I have to do to stay with him. I couldn't cope with joint custody, or worse. I'd kill myself without my child, he keeps me going.

I don't know what to do about this friend. I feel like he's being awful putting all this on me, saying he will hurt himself, but then again, I know it's all my fault. I was just so lonely and wanted support.

I was seeing a mental health GP a few months ago but I stopped attending the sessions as they didn't feel helpful.

Thank you for your reply grumpygirl. I'm sorry for all the spelling mistakes in my posts, I'm just so anxious.
 
G

Grumpygirl

Member
Joined
Mar 31, 2015
Messages
13
You mustn't ever kill yourself. Ask for a referal again if you are struggling but remember you can't rely on anyone else completely as people sometimes let us down.

The person threatening suicide. If you are worried, and you know there name an address, you can send an ambulance round there.

It sounds like you might need to set up a new life.

Shared custody might be ok. Think about it.
 
R

ranmi

Member
Joined
Mar 31, 2015
Messages
16
I known now, after what's happened, never to rely on or trust anyone ever again. I would rather struggle alone.

He sent me a message yesterday telling me the only reason he hasn't hurt himself is because he loves me, and he wouldn't put that on my shoulders.

I'm just so scared by all this. I want to disappear.
 
G

Grumpygirl

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Joined
Mar 31, 2015
Messages
13
You have to not see him until he is better. You cannot be his rescuer. His nurse. His dr. He needs professionals. You are not strong enough to hold his problems as well as your own. I would tell him to call you in six months or something like that. You can't prop each other up. It's unhealthy and it doesn't work.

I may be wrong though. I'm just another person in the world.
 
R

ranmi

Member
Joined
Mar 31, 2015
Messages
16
I think you're right Grumpygirl. He can't lean on me to give him a happy future. We've never even met or talked on the phone, we just talk through messages.



Thanks for your advice Nikita.
I'm not sure what to do right now. I have a part time job, so I have a tiny bit of money coming in, it's just starting the journey of moving on and being alone that I'm scared of. I worry about my child. That he will hate me for my decisions in the future.

My partner never hits me. It's just, I think he emotionally abuses me, but I'm not sure. He always has to be right though. I can't really talk to him without him being right, and that's hard to deal with.
 
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