Please help, I am struggling a lot right now

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goldenpetals136

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Recently my OCD has taken a turn for the worse. I keep having this horrible fear that I will lost control and accidentally shout out inappropriate words like vulgarities both in public and at home. These urges will just suddenly pop up in my mind and I will get so terrified. I really really do not want to act out these thoughts and I am so scared of the consequences that will come with them, like I don't want to be judged and stared at by everyone if I act so inappropriately in a quiet classroom. It's so horrible and unimaginable just thinking about it and the prospect of it happening. Because of these OCD thoughts, I will feel very anxious whenever I am in school or whenever I am in the presence of my parents. I am so scared that I will blurt these thoughts out.

What worsens my anxiety is that I come from a rather conservative family and my parents are very strict about the use of vulgarities. In fact, I will get punished if I say any swear words. So whenever I am with them, I will get very anxious and there is this constant nagging fear that I will just snap and shout the vulgarities out directly in their faces. I love them but I am not sure if they will understand and support me if they know about my condition, because I come from a society that is not very understanding of mental conditions. Beside occurring when I am at home, these thoughts will also haunt me in public settings like on the bus and in school, and they are constantly present at the back of my head. It is terrifying.

My concentration has been greatly affected by this, and I keep feeling unwell because of this issue. My heart starts pounding whenever I fear myself losing control, and I often find myself trembling and having trouble breathing as well.

I want to cure my OCD on my own without having to resort to a psychiatrist. So how can I cope with these thoughts and face these urges without getting so anxious? How do I dismiss them or even forget about them? Is there any way in which I could let go of these thoughts and not let them affect me? Would really appreciate any suggestions/strategies!
 
HumanPerson

HumanPerson

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Hiya,
Have you been to see a doctor about your concerns? Also would you feel okay talking about these feelings and tendencies to your family? It can help to have support through this. Just take things one step at a time
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

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hello goldenpetals136 as I read your post I am wondering if you have never been allowed to have emotions. And now they are trying to overwhelm you.

Have you thought of seeing a counsellor, do you keep things bottled up? Can you at least talk to someone irl? I am so sorry that you are struggling like this. It sounds like you need a good friend to confide in.

I believe that the thoughts that you are trying to repress are linked to the ocd, which is why I have suggested it might be helpful for you to talk to someone. You sound like a pressure cooker and need to let some steam out
 
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goldenpetals136

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Hiya,
Have you been to see a doctor about your concerns? Also would you feel okay talking about these feelings and tendencies to your family? It can help to have support through this. Just take things one step at a time
Hi, thank you for the reply, really appreciate it. No I have not seen a doctor for my condition because I don’t feel comfortable with actually telling someone about it. I am not sure if my family will understand my situation as they have certain misconceptions about mental illnesses. When I was younger, I experienced other OCD symptoms that involved arranging things in a certain order and repeating words for a certain number of times. They scolded me for that, and regarded such behavioural patterns as 'bad habits', as though I was intentionally trying to annoy them. So I am apprehensive about telling them my condition.

Will try to take things one step at a time, and hopefully I will be able to get through this.
 
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goldenpetals136

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hello goldenpetals136 as I read your post I am wondering if you have never been allowed to have emotions. And now they are trying to overwhelm you.

Have you thought of seeing a counsellor, do you keep things bottled up? Can you at least talk to someone irl? I am so sorry that you are struggling like this. It sounds like you need a good friend to confide in.

I believe that the thoughts that you are trying to repress are linked to the ocd, which is why I have suggested it might be helpful for you to talk to someone. You sound like a pressure cooker and need to let some steam out
Thank you for the reply, really appreciate it.

Yes I tend to keep to myself and bottle up things. And I feel uncomfortable with telling other people about something that is so personal. I don’t have any close friends whom I can trust, and I was scolded by my family when I had other OCD symptoms as a kid. This is why I don’t want to tell anyone about it irl.
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

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Thank you for the reply, really appreciate it.

Yes I tend to keep to myself and bottle up things. And I feel uncomfortable with telling other people about something that is so personal. I don’t have any close friends whom I can trust, and I was scolded by my family when I had other OCD symptoms as a kid. This is why I don’t want to tell anyone about it irl.
tough though it is the way forwards it to start opening up to people. and a counselor would be the best option and family's rarely understand mh. which makes it a lonely place to be. your family wont see it differently only you can change. i know this from expereince.
 
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goldenpetals136

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tough though it is the way forwards it to start opening up to people. and a counselor would be the best option and family's rarely understand mh. which makes it a lonely place to be. your family wont see it differently only you can change. i know this from expereince.
Okay I will try to do that. Thank you.
 

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