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Please help, how do I get over this (HOCD)

T

ThatGuy104

Member
Joined
Feb 13, 2021
Messages
18
Location
Georgia
Thanks for the kind words yesterday I was kind of a mess lol but I’m still feeling a lot of anxiety now and I’m wondering how to make it stop. So I can kind of tell where the source of the anxiety and depressive feeling is coming from, it’s related to my HOCD but not really entirely. You see I’ve had HOCD for quite awhile and I had a recent spike in July, I was in so much pain back then but I felt better over the months, now I say I felt better but my HOCD was still strong but it didn’t exactly make me feel depressed anymore it was more confusion but I didn’t have any emotional pain so it was fine just an annoying bug I wanted to deal with (if I was to give an example, it felt like breaking up with your ex and feeling heavy emotional pain but then 2 years later you’re just annoyed at what happened in your relationship, you don’t feel emotional pain but you are a bit irritated) I never went through that pain again and I avoided things that could make it happen again.

Till yesterday, like I said in my last post on this sub I did something stupid because of my HOCD and that pain that I took MONTHS to overcome came back again, the panic attacks, the anxiety all of it, something I spent months trying to stop, and my anxiety and stuff doesn’t come from what I did, it comes from what lead up to it, it’s kind of hard to explain but yesterday there was SO many things I could’ve done to avoid what happened, I needed to get milk from the shops, if I did that I wouldn’t be feeling this way, what if I just continued watching Breaking Bad on Netflix? What if I just masturbated in the night instead of in the afternoon, I would never have seen what triggered me, I wouldn’t have to be writing this post. That’s what’s getting to me and giving me bad anxiety and depression, I even said to myself you might get a HOCD spike if you do this and hurts so much that I was right. I keep thinking of a different reality I could be living in if I didn’t do what I did yesterday, I wouldn’t be feeling this pain, today would just be another normal day and I’d be fine watching another episode of breaking bad but I can’t get in the mood to do anything I enjoy, all because of that bad decision, and starting from now I’m probably going to have to go through months of this all over again, I basically reset my HOCD and I can’t do this again
 
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