- Jan 1, 2015
I have been dealing with hocd for the past 3 months and it has developed into ROCD and now I have both and I feel so hopeless, desperate, depressed and even at times suicidal. My ocd is driving me insane and I have read self help books that did help relatively and I have told my bf about this problem and he is very helpful and understanding but I still don't know how to deal with these intrusive thoughts. At first I thought I was actually turning gay which caused me severe anxiety and I couldn't fathom the thought of that and now my ocd is torrturing me by making me think I'm in denial and I don't know what else to do. I'm so upset and before my ocd kicked in I was so in love with my bf and genuinely happy and now all of the sudden I feel so lost, like there's no hope, and that I don't love him anymore and that im not happy with him or that he's not the one for me. I don't know if this is my ocd or if that's how I truly feel even though we have the most amazing relationship. My ocd is making me think that I shouldn't be with him that I'm gay and that I have to do something about this problem and if I don't it won't let me be. Please help anyone who has experienced similar situation. I am so confused I don't know if it is even ocd or that these things happen to people where one day they turn gay and stop loving their partner that they truly did before and now doubting everything about myself and the relationship. I have never been with a woman and the thought never appealed to me and I was never attracted to women sexually. I have always been so certain of my sexuality and never questioned it so the fact that this is happening to me right now I dont even know how to deal wit it.