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Please help: Feeling completely abandoned

manicpixiedreamgirl

manicpixiedreamgirl

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Apr 8, 2020
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Europe
My closest friend (which isn't only just a friend, but we haven't really said that we are together) lives in another country and also has BPD. I was going to visit her this week but with everything that has been happening in the world I wasn't able to go... When I told her about not making it, she immediately stopped talking to me. Eventually (after me begging her to reply...) she told me that her therapist didn't think it was a good idea to talk to me until she feels she's ready.

It's been almost a month since then and I feel like I am losing my mind. I have been quarantined for almost a month now without any kind of irl human interaction (which completely messes with my head and my mental health in general) and it kills me that I can't talk to her. Sometimes I get so angry at her therapist for telling her not to talk to me, and I find myself hating a person I haven't even met. I miss her so much and all I want to do is to hug her and kiss her and spend time with her, but I can't do any of that. I can't even talk to her. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with how abandoned I feel that it almost feels like I'm going to die from how intense the feeling is. And weirdly enough I am not angry at her at all. I understand how she feels. I will forgive her the second she says "hi". I'm just... frustrated? Annoyed? It's not my fault the trip was cancelled. The world is literally DYING. But despite my frustration, I miss her so so so bad.

I was thinking of at least sending a message to her to let her know that I think about her and I miss her, but I don't want to mess with her therapy... I am really heartbroken.

I could use any advice or coping skills you have :(

PS: I can't afford therapy atm so I have no access to any dbt skills
 
Zackthemaniac

Zackthemaniac

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Oct 16, 2019
Messages
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North Carolina
I understand your frustration. Do you have anyone else you could talk to ?

Heres some coping skills

 
manicpixiedreamgirl

manicpixiedreamgirl

Member
Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
9
Location
Europe
I understand your frustration. Do you have anyone else you could talk to ?

Heres some coping skills

Thank you so much for the skills! I do have someone to talk to but unfortunately he's going through a rough time as well so I feel a bit bad dragging him in my mess. At least I can let him know I am not doing well and he's very understanding.
 
Zackthemaniac

Zackthemaniac

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Yes its hard when you care about someone so much and they ask for space. Just try to be patient !
 
G

Girl interupted

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Nov 17, 2018
Messages
2,283
If it was me I’d send her an email a day, just one-sided, telling her about your day and what you have been thinking and doing. Nothing about her abandoning you, just what you see and do. Playful and upbeat and just “you.”

And then end each email with “Still your friend”

However, you know her better than any of us here and if respecting her boundaries is integral to your friendship then don’t. For example if hearing from you would cause her distress, then don’t do it.
 
Rowan

Rowan

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2,827
My closest friend (which isn't only just a friend, but we haven't really said that we are together) lives in another country and also has BPD. I was going to visit her this week but with everything that has been happening in the world I wasn't able to go... When I told her about not making it, she immediately stopped talking to me. Eventually (after me begging her to reply...) she told me that her therapist didn't think it was a good idea to talk to me until she feels she's ready.

PS: I can't afford therapy atm so I have no access to any dbt skills
I'm sorry.

Is she having DBT now? When I was having DBT for BPD my therapist told me not to interact with anyone else with the condition. Maybe that is what her therapist told her.
 
manicpixiedreamgirl

manicpixiedreamgirl

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Apr 8, 2020
Messages
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Location
Europe
I'm sorry.

Is she having DBT now? When I was having DBT for BPD my therapist told me not to interact with anyone else with the condition. Maybe that is what her therapist told her.
Wow... I really hope this isn't the case. That's the worst case scenario :/
 
Rowan

Rowan

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Wow... I really hope this isn't the case. That's the worst case scenario :/
I hope that isn't the case for you.x

That is what my clinical psychologist told me. That you shouldn't be friends with anyone in the BPD support group because they can't help you because they are ill themselves and you could trigger each other and it might lead to drug taking, self-harm etc...
 
Z

Zaz

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I've experienced that at several BPD groups when they tell you it's best not to get personally involved with other people from the group. Not the most helpful words when you're own your own and have no one to talk to about things and it's not like they can offer you someone to talk to when needed. I understand there may be a conflict in 2 people with similar problems perhaps doing more harm than good but there's also a chance because they relate to each other they may help raise each others moods etc. I always find it more helpful to talk to someone who has experienced similar struggles I have as opposed to staff who have never had personal experience of the illness and who's only source of advice is what they were taught to tell you. I'm just talking of my own experiences of course, everyone is different.
 
J

Justwant2bnormal

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Joined
Sep 10, 2020
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Ohio
I understand why 2 bpd people shouldn't be close friends. But who else will ever FULLY accept us and our irrational thoughts?
 
GhostOfLenin

GhostOfLenin

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Location
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My closest friend (which isn't only just a friend, but we haven't really said that we are together) lives in another country and also has BPD. I was going to visit her this week but with everything that has been happening in the world I wasn't able to go... When I told her about not making it, she immediately stopped talking to me. Eventually (after me begging her to reply...) she told me that her therapist didn't think it was a good idea to talk to me until she feels she's ready.

It's been almost a month since then and I feel like I am losing my mind. I have been quarantined for almost a month now without any kind of irl human interaction (which completely messes with my head and my mental health in general) and it kills me that I can't talk to her. Sometimes I get so angry at her therapist for telling her not to talk to me, and I find myself hating a person I haven't even met. I miss her so much and all I want to do is to hug her and kiss her and spend time with her, but I can't do any of that. I can't even talk to her. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with how abandoned I feel that it almost feels like I'm going to die from how intense the feeling is. And weirdly enough I am not angry at her at all. I understand how she feels. I will forgive her the second she says "hi". I'm just... frustrated? Annoyed? It's not my fault the trip was cancelled. The world is literally DYING. But despite my frustration, I miss her so so so bad.

I was thinking of at least sending a message to her to let her know that I think about her and I miss her, but I don't want to mess with her therapy... I am really heartbroken.

I could use any advice or coping skills you have :(

PS: I can't afford therapy atm so I have no access to any dbt skills
I find that strange telling her not to talk ro you. Really good friends are hard to come by. Id say give her some love. You will both benifit from a lovely friendship and you should should both enjoy that feeling. Feck the therapist. Proffesionals always know best but not when they keep good friends apart xxx
 
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