Please help - boyfriend has depression

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yourbiggestfanx3

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Joined
Jun 10, 2018
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#1
Hello all. I do not have a mental illness myself but am dating someone who does. I really need your advice on what to do...

We have been dating five years. Last summer he ended up going to the doctor and being put on meds for anxiety/depression. He has been dealing with this for many years prior to getting help. He graduated from college in December which I think triggered his depression to be even worse. He has missed out on every big moment in my life (both big and small), rarely sees me, and hardly ever talks to me. When I try bringing it up, he breaks down and talks about how miserable he is. He thinks I deserve better than him and he has no friends and is worthless and there is no point to his life and everything is overwhelming, including our relationship. I’ve tried talking to him about going back to the doctor but he refuses. It has gotten so bad now that he hasn’t seen me in one month (we live 40 minutes apart). After a conversation last Friday (I told him I couldn’t keep trying so hard to be constantly let down because it was emotionally draining me and I was going to put the ball in his court), he has ignored me for 7 days. Won’t answer texts or phone calls except once to say “I need space, sorry.” I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to be understanding, but this is breaking my heart and leading to me starting to feel resentful. I asked him to please talk for 10 minutes as I wanted to know what to even think and if we were even dating and he read the texts and never replied. I texted his brother who lives with him as I was worried (didn’t mention what was happening between us - just said I thought he was in a bad place) but his brother said he is doing ok. Is there really any hope left for our relationship? Is he acting this way because of his depression? What can I do to be supportive? I’ve tried not talking to him. (Went several days before reaching out) I’ve tried to be understanding and say just let me know if you need me to listen. And I’ve tried to explain that I need to talk. Nothing worked yet. I’m just beyond hurt and confused and unsure of what to even do. Any help would be greatly appreciated xx
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

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#2
Dear Yourbiggestfan, :welcome: to the Forum. It is very difficult to get attached to a person with depression. He should be in counseling for the depression to see if there is any past trauma/programming that is at the root of it all. I had a depressed boyfriend when I was younger. He eventually committed suicide. I had no control over him. I could not FIX him. I would never get involved with a depressed person again.
 
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haila nguyen

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Aug 7, 2018
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#3
Yes, I had the same issue with my ex bf when he was coping and dealing with depression. He told me that he rather be sitting in his room than go out. He went through a lot of problems with his family. Depression can really make people feel isolated, and sometimes it makes it harder for people to go out and do things. I would say just try to support him as best as you can. I would do my best to keep calm and I know it's not always easy to do that. Having support is the best thing that you can do to help him. :cool:
 
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haila nguyen

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Joined
Aug 7, 2018
Messages
32
#4
Insecurity is a very real thing. This situation really reminds me of my own relationship before. He was very insecure about himself, and the only way to help him stop the insecurity is help him understand that what people say about him or the things that he feels about himself isn't true. I feel that is the hardest thing especially in this society because people judge way too much. I would definitely not give up because it sounds like you deeply want the best for him in your words
 

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