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Please help Bf on holiday, im an obsessed wreck

M

Mizzgfab

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Joined
Sep 8, 2018
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2
Please no judging or nasty comments

My bf of 2 years is currently in croatia, for outlook (drum and bass etc) festival with his brother and mates for 17 days

He went last year and i fell to peices. It was a nightmare. i miss him but im also paranoid. I have a lot of mental health issues (bpd depression anxiety) and im thinking of all sorts of scenarios. He will be surrounded by gorgeous women in bikinis. Off his face. I know that intense rave atmosphere.. I know i know i sound so insecure, i am insecure.

He has never given me any reason not to trust him and he's never hurt me. He does alot for me and my son. I cant go with him cos my son is from a different man, i dont have any babysitters no one ever looks after my son but me and my partner sits sometimes (we live apart). He knows how i feel and i wouldn't expect him to cancel his trip he works hard in life and deserves a break.

Hes obviously absorbed by the once in a lifetime trip and so isn't in touch as often but he has kept in touch several times daily. Hes not romantic or really the type to miss people.

Ive spent the last few nights in bits sobbing panicking picturing him with women him dancing next to women him cheating. Ive been obsessively checking our convo to see if hes there. Watching videos of previous festivals trying to get an idea of what he will be doing. Obsessed with what hes doing who hes with. Imcessantly questioning him over this. Questioning if hell cheat etc etc. He gets very annoyed and upset understandably he says for gods sake just stop and have a bit of faith in me its been 2 years..

I also feel jealous that i cant go abroad to a festival iv always wanted to go to.. i never get nights off or nights out last time was in January. I kinda hate him a lil bit for leaving me but i know deep down its not his problem or his fault. Rly struggling with all these thoughts and feelings

I seem to be torturing myself googling images from the festival going over scenarios over and over checking the convo. Its out of control obsessive. I know deep down its not helping to use my mindfulness and dbt skills to stay in the moment etc but there seems to be a stubborn part of me who doesnt want to help myself! It seems to want to make me suffer. Its all so complex and confusing in my head. I know also that im focusing all my thoughts on him to avoid truly facing myself. I know i need to love myself and focus on me and my beautiful son but i dont know how to start loving myself.

Im so scared that he gets so trashed and cheats and that it will be fulled by my insecure attacks on him . Hes literally my only real friend too. Ive been horrible so horrible to him and myself all i want to do is say have an amazing time u deserve it and just be happy :(
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Jan 4, 2013
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Hi,
I'm sorry your feeling this way. I was more poorly when my family go on holiday, so understand.
I'm sure you can trust him.
Hope it helps posting, I'm here to listen.
Take care
 
B

Butterfly1812

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 1, 2018
Messages
46
Hey,

If it's any consolation I did the exact same thing when my boyfriend went to a festival in Ibiza- everything you have described you have been doing.

What I did though is plan my days and kept busy. When I was busy I wasn't thinking too much about what 'may or may not be happening'. It was still difficult though and I chose to not have contact with him when he was away because I wanted him to enjoy himself without me texting him telling him I was worried he would cheat or find someone else. Selfish I guess on my part and something I would need to work on when he goes away again another time.

The thing is, when your torturing yourself your actually looking for thing's that sup port your beliefs of losing him to someone else I.e cheating. The facts are actually with your boyfriend and what he's told you, but because your self worth is so low you can't imagine that to be completely true because you can't understand why someone would care enough about you to not what to hurt you in those ways.

It would be better for yourself to take each day at a time when he is away, I do although genuinely understand how difficult this is for you and the chronic fear you are experiencing.

X
 
B

Butterfly1812

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Joined
Aug 1, 2018
Messages
46
Excuse my spelling mistakes, I'm very sleep deprived today. :)
 
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