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Please dont judge me

R

reese34

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 8, 2016
Messages
396
Please don't judge me, am only human, TW.


The other week I sent my last ex a birthday card, and I didn't expect to hear back I had this urge to send one, I had to let her know I don't hate her, and that she is always in my heart, 2013 we broke up, without not knowing why? at the time I was really hurt, I sort of do know why, but it's something I couldn't say on here, I was hurt way up until I had met this now ex Christmas 2015, <-- the one I have recently broken up with.

It took me all that time to forgive her, that is why I sent a card this year because it told me I truly.


have forgiven this ex I sent a card to!! It felt right to tell her so many years later! I have always hoped our paths would cross again! when we broke up I did write to ask why we broke up ect, but got no answer, I tried a few times, got no answer.

But this year just before her birthday I had a really strong urge to send her a birthday card,and a little note saying how I felt! maybe it was time to let her know how I feel. in the past when I wrote to her and didn't get no answer from her, it would hurt, but this year I told myself, if I don't hear from her, I had to send the card for me, I had to because I forgive her, and even if she didn't answer me, at least id hope she would have read it to know I don't hate her. I told myself, if I don't get no answer I can be ok now, this was my way of closure! and I felt I could hope that she would have a good life!! and that I never regret me and her!!

but today, I got a letter from her! and she appologied for how she treated me back then!! which I know she is sorry, and that must have taken a lot of guts for her to say!! and I really appieciate that!! " really sorry for the bad spelling""

before I carry on to what i'll say, This is prove that anything in life can happen!! when its time to and when its meant to happen!!

before I carry on with this, maybe now with this recent ex, maybe now even though I still would talk to her, maybe now it wont matter, I do deserve better.
maybe there will come a time me and this ex could talk again, when its time to, meant to be, and if not, that's ok!! Its her loss!! if she isn't able to talk over something that could have been talked about, why should I fight for something, if she isn't bothered about me?

for me the moral of this story is or will be,,

anything can happen in life, everything happens for a reason, when its meant to, when its time to! however long it takes, ok you may go though a lot of pain in life, but you have to carry on!! and maybe that one day will come, when you either get the answers you want? or you get to a point where you say, you know what, I don't care any more, its your loss, I am worth better!! or you don't need that closure any more!! and I would like to say, I hope for each and every one of you, you get what you want in life, whatever that is!! ALL OF YOU!! deserve happness!! and I wish that for all of you!! for whatever you are going though I hope, good comes for you soon!!

please don't judge me on this bit, the ex that I am in touch with now, if me and her get back together, ok if we don't, ok, but for now I am going to see where it takes me, small steps at a time!! If this recent ex pops up one day, ok? i'll talk then, if not..

I believe in spiritual world, so for now I feel the path I am taking is with this ex I send a card too! " also it shows it is never to late to say sorry!! I think if someone is able to give you an automatic appoloige, then I feel they must know they have done wrong, without you promting them.

what if my heart really belongs to this ex I got a letter from?
I know this may sound really hash a bit, but this ex I got a letter from, shes worth more than the last ex, I wish I had the words to tell you..

even though me choose which way to turn, we don't always have control as to who comes into our lives and when? we cant control there actions, what they say or do?
Keep in mind, people say if they love you, love will find a way!!


I am scared, because what if this ex doesn't work out? I know like I said can only take a day at a time, but I still would like to know from her the truth? I haven't spoken to her for, since 2013, have so much to say.

I feel freaked out in a good way, because I didn't expect to hear from her all this time. what if she is the person I am meant to be with?

even though my recent ex, and I was going to live together get married, over lots of time, what if this ex, ... is my path way for now?

I don't expect a happy ending with her, but at the very least going to see how far it takes us this time, we were together about two years, and we had been though a lot.

The bad thing is, what if the recent ex pops up, while I see how things go with this one whos re-appeared?

too many questions in my head,
what if this ex I sent a card to, what if we do go far?
what if the recent ex over more time pops up?
what if this ex who heard from today, say I take small steps and then what if we break up again? and I heal from that, and what if recent ex with the bipolar pops up and wants to talk and try then?

I can only go with,, whatever is going to happen will happen, if it does, I can only cross that bridge if it comes to that. I can only take one day at a time.

I always for myself believe, when something bad happen something good most of the time follows.

If the recent ex wants to talk one day, I would... but I feel now, she would have to be the one to come to me, I would want to hear from her to say, we BOTH could have dealt with this diffently. I hope one day if we did talk,,, I hope she could say, she is sorry and that we could have talked this out sooner!

even before I got my letter today, for the last few weeks I had accepted this recent ex, its her loss if she isn't able to talk, its sad that our relationship haven't
meant much to her
if this is how she wants it to be, then I am just going to let her get on with it.


Happy, because of recent good news,
yet hurt with the recent ex, that I couldn't have meant much!!

with the girl I got a letter from today I have a lot of talking to do before anything else.

The thing is , why is love so complex?

I have to know how far this goes, I have to take this chance while I can!!
I may get hurt again a long the way, but again I cant control how things turn out in life,if we all knew what was going to happen next in life, then maybe we would know which way to turn for the better?

I don't know how things now will turn out or how long we will be in touch for...
I can only now go with the flow as they say! what will be will be!!
 
Nikita

Nikita

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jun 20, 2015
Messages
4,860
Reese you deserve to be happy,follow your intuition and it will take you through what you need to go through to learn your life lessons when it comes to affairs of the heart.Sometimes it isn't the end result the marriage the living together that matters it is the emotional growth that deepens our character and gives life meaning that matters and is most beneficial.You are a decent,emotionally intelligent and sensitive man in touch with your emotions you deserve someone who can appreciate all that you are and have to offer.I hope that whatever you choose to do that relationship works out for you.Thank you for your kind wishes for us all!
 
WhatsFriendship?

WhatsFriendship?

Active member
Joined
Nov 12, 2016
Messages
33
Location
Tampa Florida
In the real world in reality people judge people all the time. It is wrong but bullies and jealous people judge people. They don't like something about others. Bullies like for instance my very first job I got I use to smile a lot the manager of the work place called me smiley and a rough tuff guy never liked that so he started putting me down and bullying me. That control freak didn't want me to smile so till I was fired from my first job 2 weeks later I couldn't smile. The people who judges others are the same people who would had crucified Jesus Christ on the cross, same people. What gives people that right? I call all the guys that judge other guys are modern day Roman Centurions.
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 23, 2015
Messages
17,161
Hi

no judgment here

hope you find what youre looking for.

BDU
 
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