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Planning on ending my life soon

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Beautifuldarkfsntasy

Active member
Joined
Jan 10, 2020
Messages
28
Location
New York New York
Hours ago I started feeling suicidal and it was very painful.... and I just realized that this will not stop. Not tomorrow, not years from now, or not ever. It will always be extraordinarily painful, and meaningless. I’ve been dealing with this for 5 years and it has only gotten worse. So I want to end it soon. I just cannot take it. People are evil, life is meaningless, and suicidal pain is so unimaginably painful. And nobody cares. It would be much better to die because, this life isn’t worth living. I can’t imagine feeling this way even 1 more time. I have been crying, in bed barely able to move. Barely able to think. Why does this much pain even exist? Life is so cruel and I just can’t do it anymore...... I need to stop being stupid and actually end it
 
wollie

wollie

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 29, 2019
Messages
1,210
Location
warwick
Please dont hurt your self no matter how hard things are , life can be cruel and heart less but there is all ways hope, I have been a depressive for 11 years now and tried to end it all, but I was glad I didnt succsed, so I know the pain you are going through, but on the right meds may be things will get better for you.
All the best woolie

PS keep talking to us there is all ways some one you can chat to.
 
T

tonga kev

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2013
Messages
169
not everyone is evil,look atthe people on this thread pleading with you to seek help, God loves you unconditionally. Please look after yourself and seek help
 
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Nukelavee

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
592
Location
London, ON
You don't want to die - you simply want this pain to stop. The kind of mood and pain you are feeling blinds you to any other possibility. And, like Tonga said - we care. We care because we know the pain you feel.

Personally - I hate knowing somebody is feeling like you do. I hate the thought of anybody else feeling how I've felt many times. You know what I learned? Nobody seems to care, because we hide our pain and pretend to be fine. If people around you knew, if you talked to somebody, you would realize they do care.

-I hate this story-

!6 years ago, I bought my condo. And then my dog died. And I was miserable and alone, and couldn't tell anybody, because, hey, I just bought a home and had a job, and I should be happy, right? So I started to self-medicate with painkillers, just to get through the day. And it didn't help.

I quit my job, and stopped leaving the house except to take my new dog to the park. I talked to nobody. I just counted the hours to my next pill, and loathed myself every time i took one.

I ended up draining a 20k line of credit, and had a suicide attempt. Teh whole point of spending the money was to make my parents so angry, they'd be glad I was gone. Except - I caught myself filling all the bowls and pots in the house with water and kibble for my new dog, because I didn't want her to suffer locked up with me, and I knew nobody would notice I was gone for a while. And that stopped me.

And so, despite feeling worthless and disgusting, I called my parents. First time in nearly a year, and told them what was happening. I really expected to hear "You made the mess, you fix it, you're on your own".

The exact opposite happened. And here I still am.

give the people around you a chance to care, please.
 
AdamP72

AdamP72

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2020
Messages
111
Location
Memphis TN, center of the musical universe
I recently lost a dear friend to suicide. (January). He’d been thinking/anayzing/planning for months. Obviously in the end, he followed through with it.

All I can say is... please don’t.
 
M

Marianda

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 18, 2019
Messages
312
Location
South America
@Beautifuldarkfsntasy i have been at that point many times but always in my darkest moments i see a little ray of light. Life is cruel and depression is ugly but give it a chance. Things change, and we are here to listen to you and help you.
 
D

DL1

Active member
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
39
Location
Bushey
See we care enough about you we all posted.
Depression really overwhelms,I know I suffer with it.
Antidepressants and lithium stop suicidal ideation.
Then small pigeon steps can see u come out of this awful faze you are experiencing.
All of us have shared your pain be patient seek professional advice.
Medication can have a positive effect.
I feel for you .if I can get through it you can.
 
A

AL123

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 3, 2019
Messages
100
Location
England
We are all here for you beautifuldarkfantasy. Please don't do any harm to yourself.
From someone who was suicidal only last year and from someone who has lost a close friend through suicide it simply isn't the answer. How have things been today?
 
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Beautifuldarkfsntasy

Active member
Joined
Jan 10, 2020
Messages
28
Location
New York New York
Please dont hurt your self no matter how hard things are , life can be cruel and heart less but there is all ways hope, I have been a depressive for 11 years now and tried to end it all, but I was glad I didnt succsed, so I know the pain you are going through, but on the right meds may be things will get better for you.
All the best woolie

PS keep talking to us there is all ways some one you can chat to.
thank you
 
B

Beautifuldarkfsntasy

Active member
Joined
Jan 10, 2020
Messages
28
Location
New York New York
I recently lost a dear friend to suicide. (January). He’d been thinking/anayzing/planning for months. Obviously in the end, he followed through with it.

All I can say is... please don’t.
Thank you and sorry about your friend
 
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