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Piggy in the middle



New member
Mar 13, 2009
Having read a similar thread...thought it best to start my conversation here.

Not new to depression, have been in and out of it several times throughout my life. Last time round I was 25 and i'm now 38.

13 years ago my life was very different to what it is now, I was living with my fiance, as she was then, with my parents and the clashing of these two worlds tore me apart. I was trying to continue to be my parents son while developing into the man that was about to be married. We spent just short of 2 years in this situation and it took me to the brink of suicide. Medication didn't help, or at least it made me worse and I gave up on it before it had probably had time to have any positive effect. Chuck into that a car accident and 3 house purchases falling through and I was not in a good place at all.

The woman I married was my first ever girlfriend, aside from girls that were friends in school....but thats a topic later on.

Over the 12 years that we have been married now, i have been feeling increasingly....trapped I suppose is the word. I've had no real friends of my own since we've been married and all bar one person I know now is a friend through her. She has interests that take her out of the house, like a drama group and an open university course, both of which she has been doing for several year and I am very supportive of both. I just dont make friends easily and when i do they are not what I would class as close...I'm not a typical beer swilling footie watching bloke so dont feel any commonality with the guys I come into contact with.

Cut to 2008 and I came back into contact with an old old friend via Facebook. The woman in question was technically my first girlfriend at the age of 6. We've been back in touch for nearly a year now.

Having someone else I can talk to and class as a proper friend has been really good for me and the fact we have been through similar experiences in relation to depression has really made us close. She is the only person I find I can be completely open with. I mention above about my wifes drama group, which my friends husband has now joined and while the 4 of us are not what you would class good friends my wife chats to her husband on occasion via Facebook and she will sometimes chats to her too.

I have made some good friend in her children who seem to have really taken to me.

Now where it gets a little more complicated.

When we first got chatting again, in fact in our first ever online conversation, the topic turned to sex. And no prizes for guessing what happened next. So we've been having an affair for about 6 months now, it started out as just sex...but has developed into a very deep love between us both. But neither of us feel we can hurt our partners by leaving, even though we both know what we are doing would hurt them if they were to know.

The worse thing about it is I can see history repeating itself on how I felt torn and piggie in the middle 13 years ago and I can't head into that situation again knowing how I headed downhill last time.

The obvious course of action is to stop whinging, make a decision and do something about it before something happens to force the issue one way or another.

Dont know whether i expect any advise, help or a bunch of flames by getting this out of my head, but at least typing it has helped a little.


If neither of you can face hurting your partners by leaving that really asks one question. If your other woman wasn't in the picture you would be with your wife today, would you still be looking at spending the rest of your life with her.

Ask yourself what this woman gives you that you don't feel you get from your wife. From personal experience I have found that people with rock solid marriages don't have affairs.

You can guarantee that it will end in tears. Yours, your wife's, your lover, her husband. There are no winners in this situation.

One thing I do note is that you say right from your first online conversation you talked about sex - that to me says you were looking even then (not judging I promise!). It's complex but no unsolvable but someone will get hurt.

I've seen the elephants and heard the owls sing.
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