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Phobia of being a pedophile

A

av88

Member
Joined
Mar 31, 2010
Messages
5
Hello, I just want to know if anyone can help me with a phobia I had since high school that continues to grow.

I always had this issue with "UNWANTED THOUGHTS" in my head. It all started years ago in high school when I researched something online about phobias, and a man in some health forum discussed his phobia of being a pedophile. He talked about how he never touched kids, fantasized about kids, or never even thought about them during masturbation. Any way, for some reason this story always stuck with, and my mind created this fear that any good person can be evil. So ever since, my head has been overwhelmed with unwanted thoughts of me being a child molester towards my nieces and nephews. Not to sound perverted, but even during the few times I masturbate I get sick images of them in my head distorting my "normal" fantasy. Its as of the more I run from this phobia, the easier it catches up with me. All my life I believed that I had this "inner hero" in me that would protect the innocent, but my mind is saying that I am an evil person by nature. I even went to a college therapist who expressed that I have a fear of merging my unwanted thoughts with reality. I even went as far as not to masturbate for about a month and a half, but that didn't last to long.(unfortunately I have never been with a woman, and I have needs).

Anyway, why is this happening. I would never harm an innocent child, and believe it is morally wrong to do so, not because people say so, but because I have a conscience. But yet, why do these horrible images pop into me head. I feel as if I really a bad person in disguise, who is going to rot in hell. Why is this happening to me?

-Adam
 
S

*Sapphire*

Guest
Hi Adam and :welcome:

Hey no one here can diagnose but what you describe sound to me like intrusive thoughts;

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intrusive_thoughts

Most people get them from time to time, but they can turn into obsessional type thoughts and have been linked to OCD, anxiety and ADHD.

Have you seen a doctor about this? They might be able to refer you to a therapist or point you in the right direction to access some help and support.

I believe the most common form of treatment for it is CBT, but there may be other avenues to explore. I guess what might be causing them might dictate the appropriate form of help.

I occassionally have intrusive thoughts. But I now use a technique called Teflon mind. Where I imagine the thought just coming into my mind and slipping right back out again. As you say the more you push something away the more it can come back at you. So for me I accept the thought (but that does not mean agreeing with the thought, just accepting I had it), don't dwell on it and let it go back out of my mind. It really helps me.
 
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A

av88

Member
Joined
Mar 31, 2010
Messages
5
no, I have not seen a doctor. The last time I saw a professional therapist was to discuss anger issues. I briefly touched up on the topic of unwanted thoughts, but did not give him full detail. Now I regret not doing that.
 
L

Leighqt

Member
Joined
Oct 23, 2009
Messages
10
Location
Bristol Uk
I used to have random images come to my head, like for example talkinng to my bf in the kitchen once was holding a knife at the time, and imagined just repeatdly stabbing him, i would nnever do this i know that , but thought i was evil, i also thought evil spirits followed me , i was afraid to tell anyone about this, then when i did tell someone ,they pointed out that everyonne has weird thoughts but thats all they are weird thoughts, we dont act them out


they are just thoughts yes weird , but just thoughts

humans hsave millions of thoughts per second
 
A

av88

Member
Joined
Mar 31, 2010
Messages
5
Exactly, its like you wanna ask for help, but people get these warped conclusions as if we acted on it and enjoyed them, which is obviously not true.
 
D

Deremna

Guest
Exactly, its like you wanna ask for help, but people get these warped conclusions as if we acted on it and enjoyed them, which is obviously not true.
I agree.. They judge you and condemn you for merely thinking anything.. My intrusive thoughts involved myself being raped and/or murdered. In reality, I obviously do not want either horrible experience to happen but I can't help that these thoughts slip in quite often, especially when I'm having a hard, depressive episode. It's like my own thoughts are punishing me for not being happy. That's how I feel after I have them, anyway.

I empathize with you.. It's very disheartening to have these thoughts especially when the conflict with who you are deep down inside. :hug:
 
A

av88

Member
Joined
Mar 31, 2010
Messages
5
Thank you Deremna for being so warm hearted, its soothing to know there are people out there who know what I am going through, and that we are not out there to hurt anyone.
 
D

Deremna

Guest
Thank you Deremna for being so warm hearted, its soothing to know there are people out there who know what I am going through, and that we are not out there to hurt anyone.
:hug: I am very grateful for this forum not only for the support, but supporting wonderful people like you! It's sad that we should have to feel like outcasts for something we can't control and never plan to act on.
 
G

Garry M

New member
Joined
May 22, 2010
Messages
1
Hi Adam.

It's sounds like classic OCD to me (having suffered it myself)
I have been told that the more you try to fight these thoughts, the stronger they get, because the mind is screaming "here is a problem"......

Have you tried Prozac and or distraction therapy.

Garry
 
Rosepoet

Rosepoet

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 25, 2010
Messages
532
Location
Gower
I remember having unwanted thoughts really on a subconscious level Like when i had my baby i threw all these knives away i dont remember thinking i wanted to stab anyone but its as if on some level i was protecting myself from what part of my mind w as thinking if that makes sense. i think some people are sensitive to suggestion i used x sit in assembly as child and feel this urge to scream . I think it has to do with embarrassment public anxieties etc
 
M

muffyhunter

New member
Joined
Apr 20, 2013
Messages
1
I have the same problem... my doctor says I am OCD.

Hi Adam,

You are not the only one. I told my doctor about this and he says I am OCD. Which is true because before I was pedophile phobic I used to stress out I was Gay.

I have a lot of traits of OCD and it does stresses me out. I understand how thoughts can be so powerful, especially negative thoughts.

As for my relation with women and girls... i generally find all women of every age beautiful which is in itself quite normal. Its the fear and the stress of these unwanted thoughts and fears can make me stress out.

You have to think they are alot of triggers, especially in the news and the media that can cause a lot of otherwise normal men to stress out about this.

My belief is that you are not a sexual predator but you need to go see a counselor to talk about your issues so that you can pursue a normal and happy life.


Regards

Someone with OCD.
 
RainbowHeartz

RainbowHeartz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 25, 2013
Messages
13,273
Wow I'm not the only one that shares this phobia....
 
I

IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

Guest
Dear Adam first of all let me tell you some very "GOOD NEWS", IMO YOU WILL NEVER ACT ON THOSE HORRIBLE REPULSIVE IMAGES YOU GOT!!! Trust me sweetee i should know. When i was 18 years old i started getting those EXACT same HEDIOUS images you suffered with! I couldn't even be around my nieces or nephews without those NASTY TERRIBLE images striking my brain! I would see them vividly and "MY INNER MENTAL SADIST" would shout very loud inside my head DO IT DO IT! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TOO! I would ALWAYS FIGHT BACK yelling NO I DON'T! I NEVER DID! I NEVER WILL GIVE INTO YOU AND YOUR REPULSIVE IMAGES EVER!!! Even i went a full 7 years without masturbation well after those images stopped! I fought and cried against it and them every single day for about a few months. I was so depressed and hated myself endlessly. I would look in the mirror and call myself a p.o.s. I cried at work everyday this was going on. I tried to hide it out of fear of being labled a pedophile myself. Even though i know i would NEVER act on them i wanted to die to end my pain and get revenge on my horrible brain for torturing me so heniously so i tried to kill myself. I wanted to die so bad so i could find some peace. But my attempt failed and someone called the ambulance for me AGAINST MY WILL. I was put on intensive care in the emergency room for three days and in a mental institution for two weeks. Started seeing psych doctors and got on meds and have been ever sense. Thankfully those UNTHINKABLE VILE HORRIBLE images are GONE from me!:D They have been for 8 years! IMO, the only reason you are or were plagued with them is because your very own brain is tormenting you.IMO, you are NOT and NEVER will be a pedophile! You NEVER EVER could be a pedophile! Pedophiles acually consiously think about those thoughts enjoy and act on them with no regret or guilt. SICKENING i know!!! But persons like you and i NEVER have or will! We NEVER even had the thought on our own! IMO, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder which is what we suffer with is the NASTY illness that FORCED those unconcious images and thoughts on us!!! NEVER EVER you and i! Positive thing is that just feeling the guilt and shame of those thoughts and images you and i would NEVER act on is a good indicator we NEVER will either!:peace:IMO, just because your a MAN does NOT mean that you are more capable than me or any other woman to ACT on them!!! NO IT DOES NOT sweetheart!!! There are PLENTY of WOMEN pedophiles as well!!! So biological sex dose NOT make Men dirty and women clean okay. Like you i use to and still want to DEFEND and PROTECT the innocent too 'children' that is of course! Being plauged with those images actually make my urge to protect children even STRONGER!!! So maybe you should specialize in a job that is about devoting yourself to protecting and saving children's lives like Child Protective Services, Pediatrics, Being a Nurse or Doctor in a child's hospital, Child Trauma Therapist etc...? Prove to your nasty o.c.d. that you are NOT like that!!! IMO, it will make you feel better about yourself in the end and you will be protecting the innocent like the hero you were made for yourself to be!:p I plan to be a preschool teacher and do foster parenting someday. i want to adopt abused babies and children and nurture them to emotional and physical well being, no matter what sex or race they are, they are still innocent children and as an adult it is my responsibility to protect them from all harm anyway. Also, IMO, PLEASE DO CONTINUE YOUR MEDICATION SEEING YOUR MENTAL HEALTH DOCTORS AND DO WHAT THEY ASK YOU! When your dc. puts you on the right med(s) and therapy PLEASE do NOT quit!!! You are NOT a sicko! You are actually a pretty "MORAL" and "CLEAN" person for never giving in! :hug1:
Hello, I just want to know if anyone can help me with a phobia I had since high school that continues to grow.

I always had this issue with "UNWANTED THOUGHTS" in my head. It all started years ago in high school when I researched something online about phobias, and a man in some health forum discussed his phobia of being a pedophile. He talked about how he never touched kids, fantasized about kids, or never even thought about them during masturbation. Any way, for some reason this story always stuck with, and my mind created this fear that any good person can be evil. So ever since, my head has been overwhelmed with unwanted thoughts of me being a child molester towards my nieces and nephews. Not to sound perverted, but even during the few times I masturbate I get sick images of them in my head distorting my "normal" fantasy. Its as of the more I run from this phobia, the easier it catches up with me. All my life I believed that I had this "inner hero" in me that would protect the innocent, but my mind is saying that I am an evil person by nature. I even went to a college therapist who expressed that I have a fear of merging my unwanted thoughts with reality. I even went as far as not to masturbate for about a month and a half, but that didn't last to long.(unfortunately I have never been with a woman, and I have needs).

Anyway, why is this happening. I would never harm an innocent child, and believe it is morally wrong to do so, not because people say so, but because I have a conscience. But yet, why do these horrible images pop into me head. I feel as if I really a bad person in disguise, who is going to rot in hell. Why is this happening to me?

-Adam
 
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