- Apr 12, 2018
No one in my life understands this. I try to explain it and everyone has the same response..."Most people don't like bees or are a little afraid of them, I understand." There's plenty of things I'm a little afraid of. This is a totally irrational fear that controls my everyday life when it's warm and sends me into panic. When there's no bee's around I talk to myself and try to convince myself that the worst they can do to me is give me a little sting and that I'm so much bigger than them and they're more afraid of me then I am of them...you know, all that stuff. I tell myself it's irrational but as soon as I come face to face with one I freak out. My heart rate spikes and depending on the circumstance I'll start running in any direction and flailing my arms all around and wiping off my clothes for 10 minutes after the occurrence just to insure it's not on me somewhere. Before I walk out any door I spend about 5-10 minutes staring all around to be 100% positive there are no bee's hovering around. I refuse to open any windows at all because the idea of them getting inside the house or car is a horror scenario. The feeling of relief I experience during the winter is hard to even describe. Being able to walk outside with no stress is amazing. Winter around here last's pretty much 3 months, and I easily do more outdoor activities in those 3 months then I do the other 9 months of the year combined almost purely because of this phobia. Cold can be irritating but as soon as I think about how much misery I am in during the summer, it suddenly feels great. I still live at my families home with my mom, dad, and younger sister. They all try to understand it but it's hard for them to totally understand. My mom does see it though, and she's getting very concerned about me. I've went to a therapist about it. I talked about it for hours upon hours and she tried to help me change my mindset but it didn't work. I'm at the point where I feel like getting on my knee's and begging for help. I've broke down and cried too many times to count because I'm so frustrated with this controlling my spring/summer/fall seasons. I'm constantly looking over my shoulders. I stay up in bed thinking about it while my heart races and I start to sweat, just by thinking about a potential encounter. Last summer I had a warehouse job and a bee got in somehow and it was flying around the huge warehouse, but I couldn't take my eyes off it to the point where it was impacting my work performance, and I tried explaining to them my phobia but they laughed it off and I ended up quitting because I couldn't stay there knowing there might be a bee flying around. At this point I only see two real options. Either I find someone that can help me get rid of this phobia, or I have to move somewhere that's cold all year round and change my life around just to avoid them. Thanks for reading.