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Phobia coming back.

MrBond007

MrBond007

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 16, 2020
Messages
119
Location
England
Okay so, for the past 3 years I have developed a phobia where I am scared of the sounds my electronic devices make, such as my PC, DVD players, game consoles, TVs, etc. I don’t fully understand stand why but listening to my devices make noise makes me worried and anxious. I fear that my devices may break at some point and so I’m constantly muting my TV/PC so I can closely listen to the noises they make.



Regardless if the noise (or level of noise) is normal or not. I’m still worried about the sound my devices make. And even when I play on other peoples systems (like my Dad’s PS2 or DVD player), I tend to do the same with there’s as well. It can be really irritating when I just want to play a game or watch a movie. It’s almost if my head is telling me that every noise something makes as a bi-product, it ultimately means something is wrong with it.



So for the longest time, I mostly avoided playing games and watching movies on my devices, because I was fearful of the noises they made. Listening to them would make me really anxious and stress me out. It was only till a couple months ago (around September time) where I actually started to try and use my consoles again. I started off with my PS3, which was a little hard at first but I ended up playing it non stop for weeks on end.



In October I bought my uncle a GameCube from CEX along with a few games. I went ahead and tested out some of the games (of course when I first started I was a little shaky but I quickly got over it). I am planning on giving them to him for Christmas whilst I collect more games and other stuff for him. For the time being I’ve actually been enjoying testing out and playing the various games I have bought for him.



I even got out my old memory card and completed a few games I had saved on there lol. There where a few times where I got anxious about the noise of it, but I tried to see past it by telling myself that it’s all in my head, the system isn’t even mine, it’s got a 2 year warranty, etc. But for the most part I’ve been enjoying playing that as well.



Recently I even dusted off my old Xbox Original (which is the first system I owned out of all the others I have), and started playing that again despite the fact that it had a tracking corrosion and was pretty much on its way out anyway. I wanted to still play it while it was still functional. I spent a great deal of time playing that too.



So overall, things where looking good for me. That was until today, or rather last night. Basically last night, I was playing on my uncles GameCube and played through a few levels of XIII (awesome game btw) like I normally would. I then got tired and turned the GameCube off. I lied down for a bit and then I wanted to play on the GameCube again but this time I played Call Of Duty: Finest Hour. I don’t know what happened when I started playing it but I started to worry about the sound the GameCube was making. I wasn’t feeling anxious about it earlier when I was playing XIII. It’s almost if it started to creep up on me. But anyway I played 1 or 2 levels and then I turned it off again because I was mostly tired.



Today however my anxiety was pretty bad throughout the day. I just started to worry about a bunch of stuff including the fact that my fear of the noises was coming back. I tried to settle down today as much as I could by going my grandmas and having a cup of tea (maybe it was a bad idea having a caffeinated beverage). I just suddenly felt very on edge and I didn’t know what to do. I actually considered on buying a small bottle of beer in hopes it would calm myself but I tried to steer away from alcohol as much as possible. So I didn’t.



When I got home after being at my grandmas, I decided to play on the GameCube for a bit (I am not sure why, I just didn’t know if I should face my fears or if I was just bored but I went on it anyway). I skated around for a bit on Tony Hawks Pro Skater 4 and played 1 level of XIII. My anxiety throughout was pretty moderate but I did still get anxious about the noise of the GameCube. Overall I decided to turn it off and leave it for another time when I’m not feeling as anxious.



The trouble is, I don’t know what I did was the right choice. When I am feeling moments of high anxiety do I face my fear right then and there or should I come back to it at another time when I’m in a better state of mind and mood? I just wanna mention I do indeed take medication for my anxiety. I’ve been taking different types for years but I’m currently taking 50mg Sertraline. I also have Aspergers Syndrome.
 
MrBond007

MrBond007

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 16, 2020
Messages
119
Location
England
I just want to add another thing to this post. And that is, that I believe another one of my other phobias is coming back. As some people know I love playing video games and such (despite the noises of my devices making it hard for me to enjoy them again). It’s just that a couple months ago, I have developed some sort of irrational fear of playing video games because of the way they looked. It’s really hard to explain what I mean (hell even I’m struggling to understand it myself).



But basically I have developed a fear over playing video games because of how they looked. Keep in mind that I only have this “fear” when I am not playing them. When I am playing them, I don’t really give the ‘looks’ a second thought. I don’t know how or why I developed this fear, though it came on some point during last summer.



As I’ve mentioned in my first post, that in September I actually started to sit down and play some games again, and to be fair it’s been rather successful in terms of getting my groove back for them. I’ve been playing a good amount of video games these past 2 months. Sure, I have had my moments of anxious episodes (not only on how they look but the noises of my consoles also) but I also had a lot of fun. It’s just that this “fear” if you can even call it that, is coming back and it’s starting to really bug me out.



It’s so frustrating and extremely upsetting for me that I can’t enjoy playing video games as much as I used to anymore. Especially now since I will be getting a brand new gaming PC soon (that I saved up my money for and bought all the parts with). There is a lot of games I wanna play and stuff I wanna do on it, but with these fears coming back. I have a strong feeling I’m gonna find it extremely hard.
 
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