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Petrified about possible upcoming IB assessment

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deebee

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May 28, 2010
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I sent this to another org today, but found this site so thought i'd post here as well if that's ok. i hope someone can help or advise if possible.

I am currently suffering from long term depression and anxiety. Things came to a head in 2000 when i was diagnosed by my GP and eventually it cost me my job, which i could no longer hold down or or did i have the desire to hold down any longer(the best paid job i'd ever had in the city) and also in reality cost me my life ie;(social,friendship,sports,relationship,health,hygene) as i knew it. I suffered what i can only relate to as a breakdown and have since had anxiety driven hypermanic attacks on occasion. I was placed on incapacity benefit, where i have remained ever since. I have attended many pshycotherpaists through my GP and private, hypnotherapists, regression analysts and spitirual healing specialists privately, with little or no lasting effect to enhance my condition. Two years ago i sought help from a mental health unit in my area, where i was taken on under the care of an inhouse specialist doctor. I have attended all appointmetnts and any courses she felt would help my situation including cognitive therapy, anxiety management programs and am awaiting further contact with view to more intensive pshycotherapy. I continue with anti depressants and also sleeping tablets when necessary.

At the time i was diagnosed, i had no motivation nor desire to live any longer. Whilst with any condition i will have better days than others, in the main I can only say that my condition has worstened over the years as i have totally shut down and slowly but surely hidden away from society and rarely leave the house now. My negativity remains and it takes very little to push ver closer to the edge it seems. I am 47 an still live with my parents and am surrounded by a loving and understanding family, and in truth is the only reason i am still alive today. I have distanced myself from a large circle of friends that saw me as fun and outgoing. But the fact is that i feel more comfortable within the confines of my house, though i do venture out on ocassions but only when necessary or am coaxed by my family. Even in the safety of my home if anything out of the ordinary happens i tend to panic and get completely overwhelmed easily. I am an emotional mess and feel as if i cannot and wont accept who i am and want a way out. The negative fears that prompted me to send this mail have been heightened by the new changes to the assessment of incapacity benefit that are apparently oncoming. This is stressing me out beyond belief to think that there is a possibilty that after diagnosing me, leaving me to get treament for over a decade because it suited the government to keep me away form the unemployed stats, that someone within half an hour can turn my life even further on its head and apply more pressure on me. Even back when i had a supposed decent career and life when my difficlties started with self esteem and accepting who i am i couldn't cope with the reality of life. I still cant cope and now have the added fear that i am going to be pushed into a corner where i will be humiliated even further and pressured into doing anything a government agency see's fit to fall in line with their stats once again. If this becomes the reality i seriously can only see one outcome for me should i fail the assessment when it comes (no date yet). If people with actual physical disablement are failing assesments i am petrified that i will have little chance as "apparently" stress,anxiety and depression are merely an accessory item to some these days if you believe the media. I simply cant cope with my reality, my life as has been or as is. Even if i got back to where i was on top of the pile so to speak (relative to my life - so i'm always told i had everything going for me apparently, nice car nice girlfriend, great friends, popular blah blah but still profoundly unhappy) i would still have the same issues. How will the government prodding and bullying me toward the bottom of the pile (no elitist snobby remark or offense intended) make things any better for me, my esteem, my being? I am aware that savings are required and tough times are here, but i also am a loser here by not being part of society , but my condition and i have resigned ourselves to that option as i feel safer in this environment. If my worst fears come true, maybe i should leave IDS an invitation to my funeral?

I am not sleeping again and am losing weight with worry. Im would reallly really appreciate help or advise me as to what i can do to eleviate this pressure i am feeling?

thankyou very much

deebee
 
messymoo

messymoo

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Hi Deebee I just wanted to post because you are not alone I am feeling just as worried about the proposed incapacity benefit assessments too. Sorry I am unable to advise you about what to do but personally I am just going to await the letter with dread and get my mental health team to help me with it when they do contact me, have you thought about talking it through with someone you see for your mental health problems?

Messy x
 
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deebee

New member
Joined
May 28, 2010
Messages
2
Hi messymoo

thankyou v.much for replying. It's awful isn't it!?. It's akin to the pesecuted in Nazi Germany awaiting the dreaded knock on the door from the stormtroopers. I hope your situation goes well for you. I will inform my mental health unit team as well as my GP when the day comes, but i'm hearing horror stories that they won't even refer to medical notes, so as long as i can sit and watch a movie in a chair for half an hour (which i rarely do for other reasons like figgiting and moving on to the next thing thats equally less important due to anxiousness ala dinnertime as well when i scoff and move on without even enjoying my food..) and climb some stairs i'm ok after 10 years apparently?!

I really dont know what to do. I keep banging on in my head about getting off of this stupid planet once and for all..maybe this will be the proof in the pudding.

p.s i like the picture of the puppy..v cute
 
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