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Personal crisis. Anxiety, intrusive thoughts, social anxiety.

R

Retaw

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May 10, 2019
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Hi guys,

I suffer from severe anxieties which has taken over my life for quite a while. My diagnose is not completely clear, but social anxiety, agoraphobia, intrusive thoughts, derealization/depersonalization, constant fear of being crazy and just a general sensation of anxiety.

I follow therapy, but the results aren’t there yet and I’m almost done with the program.

Currently I can’t enjoy anything, because my anxiety stands in the way entirely 24/7. There are things that gives me anxiety even though I don’t even why. Like my mind can get anxious and uncomfortable by literally anything. I can’t watch a tv show or socializing without feeling a tiny bit of calmness. The fear of being crazy is very tough. That isn’t something that is there from the start, but it took form like 2 years ago. That’s kinda one the main reasons why I can’t enjoy a single thing. My intrusive thoughts are constantly going on and I just can’t feel relaxed at all because of that. I hate and fear myself because of this. I’m not sure which things are actually right anymore. I feel little connection with people which is very scary. I would love to, but it’s just.. I think constantly about this. I’m very scared for dark stuff as well. Even a bunch of words.

I just don’t know where to start and I worry that I am in this so deep that there isn’t a way out. I can’t remember the last time I actually felt good and wasn’t so ultra alert of conscious about everything.

Any help is appreciated. There is way more to write down, but I leave with this for now.
 
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Julie41

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Feb 12, 2020
Messages
127
Location
Peterborough uk
Hi
It’s hell isn't it
I am struggling to even get up today - as l know it will be another awful day- I am so exhausted with anxiety and like you I Keep thinking I’m going mad & will be taken into hospital
People say “ do something you enjoy” well that would be nothing to be honest
I’m so fed up of putting a brave face on & fake smile !!!
I have GAD & depression also low self esteem
Have been through CBT (by phone calls)
Learnt a lot - I can motivate myself when it’s not too bad but when I have really bad days nothing works for me
Just constantly scared - so awful & soul destroying - can’t rise above it lately -
Do you have any physical symptoms that occur with your anxiety??
what therapy are you having ?
it does feel like a black hole sucking you in
Do you have family to talk to??
This is a really good site & you will find other people suffering, so hopefully you won’t feel so alone
Sending you 🤗 x
 
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Retaw

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Joined
May 10, 2019
Messages
112
Location
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Hi
It’s hell isn't it
I am struggling to even get up today - as l know it will be another awful day- I am so exhausted with anxiety and like you I Keep thinking I’m going mad & will be taken into hospital
People say “ do something you enjoy” well that would be nothing to be honest
I’m so fed up of putting a brave face on & fake smile !!!
I have GAD & depression also low self esteem
Have been through CBT (by phone calls)
Learnt a lot - I can motivate myself when it’s not too bad but when I have really bad days nothing works for me
Just constantly scared - so awful & soul destroying - can’t rise above it lately -
Do you have any physical symptoms that occur with your anxiety??
what therapy are you having ?
it does feel like a black hole sucking you in
Do you have family to talk to??
This is a really good site & you will find other people suffering, so hopefully you won’t feel so alone
Sending you 🤗 x
Yes it is and no matter what I do it’s constantly with me. I don’t what to do anymore.. The hard part is that I can’t take care of myself. I live at my moms house and I’m 21. Symptoms became severe when I was 17. Exactly. I am feeling a bit alienated from the world. It’s just horrible.. My emotions aren’t in balance. I feel desperate asf and all I can talk about is this.

I don’t really have specific physical symptoms. Some that I experience are just stomach pain, headaches, some kind of constant adrenaline rush. I can hide myself symptoms very well. And that’s like incredible difficult for others to understand me. But I do feel very restless like I can’t sit still very well.

I have cbt with a very intense program, but due of my symptoms I follow therapy digitally now. They want me to go back to the clinic, but I’m afraid I can’t handle it.

I don’t feel anything else then anxiety and depression symptoms.
 
J

Julie41

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Feb 12, 2020
Messages
127
Location
Peterborough uk
You are so young 😥 I had 12 sessions of CBT
But today cannot put any of it into practice
I feel scared all the time, restless and sad today with no energy
I should be happy but don’t know why I’m not
Do you take medication xx
 
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Retaw

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May 10, 2019
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You are so young 😥 I had 12 sessions of CBT
But today cannot put any of it into practice
I feel scared all the time, restless and sad today with no energy
I should be happy but don’t know why I’m not
Do you take medication xx
I feel you. I’ve did a few things today, but I’m still feeling not well. I’m planning to take medication, but I’m not sure what could help me. I have big fears for losing control and that medication (or anything that affects my mind) will let me lose control, but I know there aren’t many options left to try. I’ve been on medication before like 3 years ago, but I didn’t improve, but my symptoms have changed a lot, so maybe this time it does. My psychiatrist came with the idea of taking quatiapine (anti psychotics) but that’s sounds pretty heavily. I personally might think a anti depressant would do better. Are you on medication?
 
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Julie41

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Messages
127
Location
Peterborough uk
Yes I’m on Citalopram it was increased in February this year - but my anxiety was so so bad - the worst I’ve ever had - really thought I would go completely insane that’s when I started CBT only had 2 meetings then it went to just phone calls because of COVID
I need to find some positivity in my life but when I’m down it’s so hard to dig deep
I don’t want to up my meds again as that will be the top dosage - I started On 10mg was on that for years then after losing my parents I went up to 20mg then in feb 2020 was put on 30mg
Hoping you soon find some release xxx
 
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Retaw

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Yes I’m on Citalopram it was increased in February this year - but my anxiety was so so bad - the worst I’ve ever had - really thought I would go completely insane that’s when I started CBT only had 2 meetings then it went to just phone calls because of COVID
I need to find some positivity in my life but when I’m down it’s so hard to dig deep
I don’t want to up my meds again as that will be the top dosage - I started On 10mg was on that for years then after losing my parents I went up to 20mg then in feb 2020 was put on 30mg
Hoping you soon find some release xxx
Oh that’s interesting. So, obviously it sounds like just meds isn’t enough, but can you like give a percentage of how much it decreases with citalo? And how long does it take to actually give you an effect?

I’m so sorry for your loss.:(
 
EverybodyHurts

EverybodyHurts

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Hi Retaw. Sorry to read that you're going through such a rough time. I know from experience how difficult anxiety can be and how bad an affect it can have on you physically.
It's good that you are having therapy, and I think it would be a good idea to try medication, if the therapy alone isn't helping enough. If you have concerns about the medication they are offering, then you should absolutely bring that up with your doctor.
I do hope that things become more manageable for you in time.
On a lighter note, there is a saying - "If you think you are going crazy you're quite sane. If you think you are quite sane you're probably crazy!"
Best of luck
 
J

Julie41

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Messages
127
Location
Peterborough uk
Oh that’s interesting. So, obviously it sounds like just meds isn’t enough, but can you like give a percentage of how much it decreases with citalo? And how long does it take to actually give you an effect?
Not at the moment no ! But it did work for many years & helped me live a relatively good life - just a few hiccups along the way but nothing major - it was probably 75% for many years - but then things happened in my life that l didn’t cope well with - I knew the signs & should have gone to my gp but plodded on & became terrible ( I let myself get so bad l couldn’t go out or speak to anyone or be alone)
Please talk to your GP and explain in detail how you are xxx
I’m so sorry for your loss.:(
 
R

Retaw

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May 10, 2019
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Hi Retaw. Sorry to read that you're going through such a rough time. I know from experience how difficult anxiety can be and how bad an affect it can have on you physically.
It's good that you are having therapy, and I think it would be a good idea to try medication, if the therapy alone isn't helping enough. If you have concerns about the medication they are offering, then you should absolutely bring that up with your doctor.
I do hope that things become more manageable for you in time.
On a lighter note, there is a saying - "If you think you are going crazy you're quite sane. If you think you are quite sane you're probably crazy!"
Best of luck
Right now I’m just very depressed. Like I feel like I can’t handle anything. And I feel like there is just something wrong with me that I can’t fix. I feel like I’m losing the war. Idk about that quote. All the weird fears I’ve created with my mind makes me feel there is just something wrong with me.
 
J

Julie41

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Messages
127
Location
Peterborough uk
Hi sorry to hear you are depressed - and it is normal to feel that you can’t cope at times
You are going through the battle like a lot of us and I’m sure most of us have had the feeling That we have something wrong with us !!! We do !!! I have GAD & depression and was told that they tend to go hand in hand (as though one isn’t enough)😡
I’ve read most literature on both illnesses and obviously everyone is different - I should know how to deal with it (mind&body) but at the moment I just can’t rise above it - it’s winning & I’m losing - which does upset me as l feel I’m not trying hard enough 😢
Please have a conversation with your GP xxx
 
EverybodyHurts

EverybodyHurts

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Messages
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Location
Bucks
Hi, yes - I can't really improve on what Julie said really, other than to maybe say how I started to see my anxiety some years ago....
I visualised this small but dangerous tiger clinging onto my leg every time I tried to do anything. On stronger days I could kick it and say "bugger off! You're not stopping me!" But on bad days the grip was just too strong and I had no choice but to give in to it.
I don't really know if that makes any sense, but I think by seeing the anxiety as a thing, an animal, it helped me to get angry at it and battle it.
We are all different though, as Julie said, and we all need to find what works for us. And in the meantime, we need to be kinder to ourselves and try not to beat ourselves so much when we are struggling. It's easier said than done though, I know.
 
R

Retaw

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Joined
May 10, 2019
Messages
112
Location
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Hi, yes - I can't really improve on what Julie said really, other than to maybe say how I started to see my anxiety some years ago....
I visualised this small but dangerous tiger clinging onto my leg every time I tried to do anything. On stronger days I could kick it and say "bugger off! You're not stopping me!" But on bad days the grip was just too strong and I had no choice but to give in to it.
I don't really know if that makes any sense, but I think by seeing the anxiety as a thing, an animal, it helped me to get angry at it and battle it.
We are all different though, as Julie said, and we all need to find what works for us. And in the meantime, we need to be kinder to ourselves and try not to beat ourselves so much when we are struggling. It's easier said than done though, I know.
Yeah, I understand, but the anxiety is also there even I’m not trying to do anything. Literally I can see and hear in every little thing anxiety. That makes it so exhausting. Like i’ve got no things where I can put my mind on without worrying. I’m putting much effort, but I can’t seem to climb out of this pit. I’m not sure if medication could even help with this. It’s just like my mindset is wrong and I’m feeling depressed about all the things I can’t do and this like almost everything.
 
R

Retaw

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May 10, 2019
Messages
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Hi sorry to hear you are depressed - and it is normal to feel that you can’t cope at times
You are going through the battle like a lot of us and I’m sure most of us have had the feeling That we have something wrong with us !!! We do !!! I have GAD & depression and was told that they tend to go hand in hand (as though one isn’t enough)😡
I’ve read most literature on both illnesses and obviously everyone is different - I should know how to deal with it (mind&body) but at the moment I just can’t rise above it - it’s winning & I’m losing - which does upset me as l feel I’m not trying hard enough 😢
Please have a conversation with your GP xxx
Yeah I have a conversation with my psychiatrist tomorrow. Not really looking forward to because I think my therapy will stop.
 
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