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Permanently depressed just struggle o function. Anyone elseor is it just me?

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tech181

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Joined
Sep 15, 2021
Messages
2
Location
uk
Hi I am 53 and it seems to have taken me 53 yrs to realise that I suffer from chronic depression.
I have had some very harsh experiences in life but I had not when I first tried committing suicide at the age of 20.
I somehow struggled on never beleiving that anything would be permanent, be that jobs or relationships and there seemed to lie a self fulfilling phrophecy; because I did not think it would last well hey, guess what ...it did'nt.
I sometimes can't get out of bed even though I know deep down I should. Some days are darker than others but in general they are all fairly shite I have no other explanation than that as to how it feels and i constantly lack any energy.
I am quite musical and play guitar and keyboards and that is a release as it takes my mind to other places, but some days I can't even do that.
NHS have been fairly useless in just giving me increasing doses of both Citalopram (40mg) then when this was seeming to make me worse after 6 yrs swapped me to Certriline (15mg) 4 weeks ago and these do not seem to be working either.
I have had the local mental health intervention therapy telling me to close my eyes think of a happy place and pat my hands.
Fucking waste of time and then a year after having that suggested it again!
Sorry if I am rambling but does anyone else feel the same as me?
I am quite well educated which seems to annoy me even more because I reckon I should be able to figure a way out of this, but I give in... I can't.
So I have bored you all enough even I am bored now-but would like to know how to love the world again instead of seeing it as an insurmountable sea of problems - none of which I can fix be it global warming or tin pot regimes with thermo-nuclear weapons.
The worst of it all is that i live in a house that most people would give their right arm for have some beautiful possessions yet they mean nothing to me.
 
Bod

Bod

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Jul 19, 2021
Messages
6,359
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TOTALLY FANTASTIC
Hello tech181, welcome to the forum you made a good choice to sign up here as everyone is so caring and will try to help if they can. It sounds like the therapist your spoke to was not to good at all by saying that as they are trained to really help us in our journey to try and cope and control our thoughts. Keep on posting and other members will soon comment.
 
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LouieLou

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Joined
Sep 1, 2021
Messages
126
Location
Wales
NEWSFLASH Oh yes i've learnt during covid you can appear or have the perfect lifebut still feel lost in an abyss.
Retry your GP ans ask to try a new AD and there're plenty out there - Venflaxin citalopram escitalopeam sertraline amitryptyline mirtzapine prozac. I think with the NHS meditation bit hit and miss, as issue is whether you recognise worst symptoms so you pick the meditation you find best suited

Sorry to say i'm a postgraduate and what you find intelligent people are more prone to experiencing depression, uo only have to look at in last 10 years how celebrities have started to declare their illness
 
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tech181

New member
Joined
Sep 15, 2021
Messages
2
Location
uk
Hello tech181, welcome to the forum you made a good choice to sign up here as everyone is so caring and will try to help if they can. It sounds like the therapist your spoke to was not to good at all by saying that as they are trained to really help us in our journey to try and cope and control our thoughts. Keep on posting and other members will soon comment.
Yes and thanks for your advice I guess i need to be in a better mood to take good advice from so called therapists who lokk about 12 yrs old. Never had a kid, mortgage, lost a very close family menber etc ring any bells? Maybe it's me.
 
Bod

Bod

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6,359
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TOTALLY FANTASTIC
The loss of a family member is so heartbreaking it really is, but I do find talking and time is a great healer.
 
R

Ronnyjanzen

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Joined
Sep 11, 2021
Messages
56
Location
Toronto
I can relate to you I have lost people and I'm currently on the ride of testing out various antidepressants until one clicks. Put it this way I can't even work in the depressed anxious state I'm in. So that should tell u that my days are doom and gloom. It's really hard it's not fun. But in the past a medication brought me out of this same bad place unfortunately it fizzled out after a number of years and here I am. I'd continue to try different meds but also Exercise! Because it increases bdnf basically creates more synapses and receptors and connections in the brain. So lifting weight and working out basically creates more neurotransmitters floating around more in abundance in the brain... I'll be hitting the weights even tho I'm dead feeling and so tired.... But if u don't use it you lose it ....so keep tryna ng your options!
 
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