People's attitude changing when they find out you have a MH issue?

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Doppleganger77

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#1
I have tried to keep my issues hidden for as long and from as many people as possible. It's getting harder as time passes and as I lose control over what others see.

I expected lots of people to change towards me.. look at me with pity, wariness, being more watchful, trying to 'keep an eye' on me in case I spontaneously combust or something.

But I never expected it from the closest person in the world to me, my best friend, my soul mate (not romantically). She understands more about MH issues than anyone I know, and judges less than anyone I know as well. But despite initially 'understanding' and still maintaining a normal friendship with me, within a couple of months our relationship has become strained.

I have no one else in the world who I have willingly confided in that I SH and the real reasons behind it. I put all my trust, vulnerabilities and weaknesses out there for her to see like I have never done with anyone else.

She promised that knowing what she does will not lessen any respect or admiration she has of me (which is mutual). And I even cried which is something I rarely ever do.

But I guess it was naive and foolish of me to have expected things to be like they were again. I hoped so much that this friendship of ours will remain my only solace from the nightmare that MI has put me through. My only comfort was this bond we shared. Now even that has been shattered, changed, twisted so that nothing in my life has been left for me to enjoy.

Oh well... I've fought and fought to regain control of my life again. Maybe there is no way that will happen. No one I can turn to anymore.

I am just a mad, unstable, weak thing that's been placed there to test them.

This is why I tried to hide, this is why I didn't seek out help earlier. Don't tell me I'm brave and strong for speaking out about all the abuse, the horrible emotions inside. Because while initially people say that, their actions speak louder when they intentionally/un-intentionally isolate us 'brave,strong people'.

Because in the end, a look filled with pity is worse than what any SH will ever cause to me.
 
Q

Queenie

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Jun 30, 2016
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#2
How did she attitude change? Is there any evidence of behaviours that would lead you to believe that this is the case?

She might have issues of her own as well. Might be very busy at home or at work.
:hug1:


I have to say I have only ever been open and upfront with my illness and Aspergers with very close family.

She might not know how to support you so is distancing herself.

It might be that she has only proved her true colours by acting judgemental, disrespectful and unsupportive. You could contact her and ask to meet up for tea/coffee for a chat and say that if she has any questions are wants to learn more, then you would be more than happy to answer her question maybe or just meet up as usual like nothing has changed etc??

My reply is not by all means an end to my response/s here.
 
huggs

huggs

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#3
What did she do? Like, what changed from her being supportive to whatever she is now?
 
Kerome

Kerome

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#4
A lesson I recently came across taught me that sometimes you need to work on compassion for yourself and others, and that the best way to do that was to learn to look at your own suffering first, to allow self compassion to come, before looking at the suffering of others and allow compassion for them to arise.

Bitterness doesn't really help. I have friends who have decided not to contact me further as well. Yes, that hurts, and it is best to acknowledge that, but there is not much that can be done about it. On some level it causes them suffering as well, I'm sure they feel guilty about it, but that's their suffering.
 
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ramboghettouk

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#5
theres not much you can do about it, you can try to hide it but as this guy in the mind mag said as you get older theres less people to hide among, in some ways with the welfare reforms a lot of people have been forced to make an issue of illness it's not just you
 
C

cloudy9

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#6
People just want to talk about things they know about and are familiar with, so as soon as someone starts opening up about mental illness, they don't know what to do. It's a drain and a bummer, they don't have answers, and that's uncomfortable for them. I've been on both ends of that spectrum, tbh. So, I'm sorry you're going through this but in terms of support for MI, it might pay to turn to people who actually understand. Whatever the case Doppleganger77, I hope you don't lose your friendship all together. She sounded like a good person.
 
D

Doppleganger77

Guest
#7
How did she attitude change? Is there any evidence of behaviours that would lead you to believe that this is the case?

She might have issues of her own as well. Might be very busy at home or at work.
:hug1:


I have to say I have only ever been open and upfront with my illness and Aspergers with very close family.

She might not know how to support you so is distancing herself.

It might be that she has only proved her true colours by acting judgemental, disrespectful and unsupportive. You could contact her and ask to meet up for tea/coffee for a chat and say that if she has any questions are wants to learn more, then you would be more than happy to answer her question maybe or just meet up as usual like nothing has changed etc??

My reply is not by all means an end to my response/s here.
Thank you for your reply queenie :hug1:

When she talks to me it's always seems like there's some pity/wariness behind her voice.

Yeah she does have issues of her own and is busy, the thing is before we would make time to chat and discuss each others issues and be mutually supportive etc.

I think she worries her issues will trigger me or something.

She is very close family :/ she is the closest person I've ever allowed in my little world.

But yes, I think it's very difficult on her, I also am the closest person to her and it must be hard to know I went through what I did.

But now, I've distanced myself from her as well, I've pulled away from everyone and as a result I'm very close to losing all control again.
 
D

Doppleganger77

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#8
What did she do? Like, what changed from her being supportive to whatever she is now?
It's not the same support, before it was empathy and now it feels like sympathy. I know that sounds so shallow and nitpick but it's really important to me especially from her that I'm not pitied.
 
D

Doppleganger77

Guest
#9
A lesson I recently came across taught me that sometimes you need to work on compassion for yourself and others, and that the best way to do that was to learn to look at your own suffering first, to allow self compassion to come, before looking at the suffering of others and allow compassion for them to arise.

Bitterness doesn't really help. I have friends who have decided not to contact me further as well. Yes, that hurts, and it is best to acknowledge that, but there is not much that can be done about it. On some level it causes them suffering as well, I'm sure they feel guilty about it, but that's their suffering.
Thank you, I'm not trying to be bitter, just distancing myself so that I never risk this again.
Self compassion is a difficult thing for me. I know I need it thought.
 
D

Doppleganger77

Guest
#10
People just want to talk about things they know about and are familiar with, so as soon as someone starts opening up about mental illness, they don't know what to do. It's a drain and a bummer, they don't have answers, and that's uncomfortable for them. I've been on both ends of that spectrum, tbh. So, I'm sorry you're going through this but in terms of support for MI, it might pay to turn to people who actually understand. Whatever the case Doppleganger77, I hope you don't lose your friendship all together. She sounded like a good person.

Thank you, she is an amazing person. I believe I've ruined that all by myself.

Yeah, I think it's difficult to relate to :( I should have seen that coming I'm usually more perceptive and forward thinking than that.
 
C

cloudy9

Guest
#11
Thank you, she is an amazing person. I believe I've ruined that all by myself.

Yeah, I think it's difficult to relate to :( I should have seen that coming I'm usually more perceptive and forward thinking than that.
You're welcome.

No, it's not your fault Doppleganger77, it's just one of those things, honestly. I remember on a few occasions trying to reach out to people who were close to me, only to be met with blank stares. Counselors etc., had warned me that that could be the case, and it was. But I had to see for myself and so did you, probably.

All this finding out you have a mental illness and getting support and learning all these different things regarding coping strategies, etc., it's huge and it changes your life, I found. Just don't give up hope, carry on, and try to keep increasing your awareness about everything because it's the only way, imo, that you have a chance at real happiness. You're going to be okay, don't worry.

All the best, thank you.
 
huggs

huggs

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#12
A lesson I recently came across taught me that sometimes you need to work on compassion for yourself and others, and that the best way to do that was to learn to look at your own suffering first, to allow self compassion to come, before looking at the suffering of others and allow compassion for them to arise.

Bitterness doesn't really help. I have friends who have decided not to contact me further as well. Yes, that hurts, and it is best to acknowledge that, but there is not much that can be done about it. On some level it causes them suffering as well, I'm sure they feel guilty about it, but that's their suffering.
Don't just assume other people are bitter. And don't assume they lack compassion. They may be more compassionate that you may ever dream to be. Your friend may not want to contact you anymore because you are unhealthy in their life. That doesn't make them bad. It makes them wise. They know what is hurting them in their lives and they are choosing to cut that out.
 
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ramboghettouk

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#13
one psychiatrist said avoid friends when they've got problems, very soon you've no friends

" Your friend may not want to contact you anymore because you are unhealthy in their life. That doesn't make them bad. It makes them wise. They know what is hurting them in their lives and they are choosing to cut that out"

trouble with crap psychotherapy talk like that is when you're on the receiving end, wait to you need support and everyones cut you out, see how you feel.

from what i gather people are been cut off when they find out they're mentally ill are you saying mental illness is unhealthy and people should be avoided
 
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