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randompug

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Joined
Dec 15, 2014
Messages
11
How do we ever become friends with the people we are meant to be friends with for the rest of your life? All I ever hear about are how great people's friends are but mine seem to either let me down or I let them down. I can never seem to find a balance. Sometimes I feel like I'm better off living like a hermit only reaching out to people when I most need it. Since I've been at university I thought I'd found a great group of friends, but now I'm thinking maybe it's best to be on my own then keep getting hurt by them. Sometimes I feel like maybe I'm going wrong somewhere when I'm with my friends (I've always been kinda needy when it comes to socialising, well not really needy just over friendly maybe). I over think things a lot as well. But if a friend lets you down, and they are one of the few friends who you are close to how do you not tell them how you feel. I'm a firm believer in telling it like it is. I'd rather get it out the way then be constantly walked over like a doormat.

does anyone else ever get like this? pleaseeeeeee tell me it wont be like this for the rest of my life because being inside this mental cage i'm in is not helping matters AT ALL. I just end up confronting my friends and crying all over again.
 
Jaminacaranda

Jaminacaranda

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 18, 2013
Messages
2,192
Location
East of England
How do we ever become friends with the people we are meant to be friends with for the rest of your life?
Who says you are meant to be friends with certain people for the rest of your life? Perhaps you have an over-idealised notion of 'friendship'. I went to Uni twice, 40 years ago and 20 years ago and I'm not in contact now with anyone I met there.
 
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randompug

Member
Joined
Dec 15, 2014
Messages
11
i guess its a stupid notion..however lots of people I know have met their friends, husbands, boyfriends etc. from being at university. I guess I've over think things and reach for the stars in my friendships, but I don't know how to stop myself from getting upset over their flaws. Did you have a good time at uni?
 
Jaminacaranda

Jaminacaranda

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Joined
Aug 18, 2013
Messages
2,192
Location
East of England
Yes, I had a good time at Uni - spent 7 years there. I just think you need to abandon this idea that certain life events happen at certain ages/times of life, because although they often do, they don't necessarily and that really isn't a disaster. People tend to say this but you don't have to listen to what they say and take it as gospel. Very few relationships last an entire lifetime, especially friendships, and perhaps you should be looking at quality rather than longevity. Life doesn't 'end' at 30. You've got plenty of time to find yourself and be yourself.
 
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randompug

Member
Joined
Dec 15, 2014
Messages
11
thanks for the advice. that actually really helps. I've probably been thinking more about my friendships lately then I need to...possibly should just let it go and let whatever happens happen. I guess I've got a little control issue there.
 
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Roadfool

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 14, 2013
Messages
174
Location
Staffordshire
I found that the older I got, the better my friends became. It can also depend on the type of people you're socialising with... I'd say your more likely to meet nicer people if look in the right places :)
 
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Elle-X

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 21, 2014
Messages
184
Location
Lincolnshire
Hi randompug. I totally sympathise with you - I've had this problem all of my life to the point where now, I don't see any of my school friends because of the lies and backstabbing which has happened in the past. Friendships take time to develop but I'm yet to be convinced that there is such a thing as a lifelong friendship. All I can suggest is that you join clubs so you meet people with similar interests; you will already have a common bond and things will hopefully develop nicely from there :)
 
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jimindigo

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 13, 2012
Messages
198
Quote

"If you would find gold,one must look where gold is."
 
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wulfgar

Active member
Joined
Dec 30, 2014
Messages
26
"If you would find gold,one must look where gold is."
I have only ever found fools gold :low:

I ask my self what makes a good friend, and the answer is probably not me! There's just something inherently wrong and off with me, if by chance i did find a friend/s i would self sabotage it anyway. Sometimes > most of the time > all of the time - its just easier being on your own.
 
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