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Past Trauma trigger warning

Zero One

Zero One

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I just remembered some past Trauma where I was not in good mental states and my husband was jumping on my head with his knee but I couldn't move to fight back...it was like I was frozen. The only thing I could think to do is call for help. He stopped because I started screaming for help. I have trouble resolving the emotions and feelings I get when I remember this event. I get upset that I couldn't move. I get upset that I was so delusional I didn't call the police but screamed out to the secret society so that they were aware of what was happening and do controls to stop the violence. I get really angry and think deviant. He was making me angry and I lunged after him only to go catatonic when he attacked me. The same thing happened for one of the rapes. I totally lost control of my body and fell limp as soon as the attack started. I don't know why this happens. How do you manage unresolved emotions and feelings surrounding past trauma? I think the catatonia comes in at the absolute worst time and I don't know how to predict when it will happen and it bothers me that I couldn't fight and that my mind went into an abnormal state in these traumas.
 
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bpd2020

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I am so sorry for what has happened to you. I can fully understand freezing or going numb in such a situation. I imagine the cataonia was your brains way of shielding you from what happened. I really do not know how to overcome unresolved emotions around trauma. I can only guess therapy could help. It is very difficult to remember such horrid times and it can cause a helpless feeling. I really am sorry.
 
Zero One

Zero One

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Ty so much bpd2020. Your response helps, never thought of it as a shield. I should be getting therapy soon. They are still trying to stabilize me with meds before I go.
 
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bpd2020

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I am pleased to hear you are going to try therapy. I hope they get the right medication for you soon.
 
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