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Past relationship and ptsd

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Hana26

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Has anyone been in a toxic relationship and it gave them ptsd?

My ex was a doctor, he represented authority to me and I put my trust in him, told him about my life and childhood. He'd be emotionally abusive and made me hold my breath constantly about whether or not he wanted to be with me / if I was good enough, yet would question my sanity if I wanted to leave.

As a doctor he was quick to see who I was, what were my scars and how to use me.
He played his little mind games for a few years and when things ended, I found myself to have symptoms of withdrawal, feeling physically ill and very traumatized.
I couldn't listen to the songs I or we listened to during the relationship, go back to certain places we went to together and to this day, certain behaviors and words really make me panic. I still relive some events, have plenty of thoughts and fear / anger.

I think what scares me the most to this day is that I didn't think a doctor could be so disturbed and twisted.
 
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Am33

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What I have learned is to look at why I attracted that person into my life ? What are the lessons I needed to learn from that relationship ? I think you spelled that out with authority figures we should be able to trust them ? Which is certainly not the case as we see in the news . I learned this too if the person keeps popping up in your mind and negative feelings just imagine they are in a little a boat and you are pushing them away with your hands seems to work .
 
Crazyswede

Crazyswede

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unfortunately people in all walks of life can be disturbed and twisted.
My ex emotionally abused me for 22 years and I didn’t even see it till he left me. I was constantly trying to please him whilst always under the threat of him leaving. The harder I tried, the worse he got, pushing my boundaries.
The realisation that not all people think in the same way was a huge shock to me.
 
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Hana26

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Oh my 22 years, I'm very sorry, same here I didn't really realize what I put myself into until it ended. I couldn't even imagine some people could be and think a certain way either. How did you get over everything that happened?
 
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Hana26

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Thank you for your advice, still learning to distance myself from bad environments / people xx
 
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floater

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Doctors have to be sociopathic to do their job, which is to fix people like they are broken machines regardless of guts and gore. Don't trust them entirely, but they are predictable, might go evil as quick as anything if the money was paying well and did under the nazis - willing executioners.
 
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Hana26

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Doctors have to be sociopathic to do their job, which is to fix people like they are broken machines regardless of guts and gore. Don't trust them entirely, but they are predictable, might go evil as quick as anything if the money was paying well and did under the nazis - willing executioners.
He fooled me when we met, he claimed to understand me better than anyone else as he was a doctor but he turned out to have absolutely zero empathy and he'd get a kick out of messing with me. There are Healthcare professionals who become desensitized due to the nature of their job and then there are the sick ones who choose to work in that field because they feel nothing to begin with, such kind of jobs won't blow their cover.
 
Crazyswede

Crazyswede

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Oh my 22 years, I'm very sorry, same here I didn't really realize what I put myself into until it ended. I couldn't even imagine some people could be and think a certain way either. How did you get over everything that happened?
I am not sure I have, still working on it. If I had not gone to a retired therapist friend, I would never have worked out the toxic dynamics of the relationship, and in truth, probably wouldn’t have been here today. It hurt so bad I felt I would die.
I guess the knowledge that I have to give myself closure and not expect it from him is the biggest lesson learned, and although I am coming to peace with it, I am not fully there yet.
 
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Hana26

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I am not sure I have, still working on it. If I had not gone to a retired therapist friend, I would never have worked out the toxic dynamics of the relationship, and in truth, probably wouldn’t have been here today. It hurt so bad I felt I would die.
I guess the knowledge that I have to give myself closure and not expect it from him is the biggest lesson learned, and although I am coming to peace with it, I am not fully there yet.
It is very true, the hardest part is expecting a sens of justice and apology that will never come, it is I who must forgive myself xx
 
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