Past relationship advice borderline personality

[lauren5412]

Hi,

I’m diagnosed with BPD...

when I was younger and in school (13 years old), I was seeing a boy who I really liked.. it ended but not on bad terms. A few years later when I was 17, we met up again, would see each other every weekend, have drunk sex and talk all night, we had an amazing time, again, it ended, not on bad terms.

again a few years later, I had just turned 21, we met up again, same situation, sex, amazing connection (on my part anyway) I would go pick him up from work some nights and drive him home then we would see each other at the weekend, and it was just amazing, I loved being with him. Again, it ended and not on bad terms.

I’m now 26 and heard from him last year, talked about meeting up and having a catch up, but this time we never did as he got in to a relationship and had deleted his social media and changed his number. I heard from him a few months later, he had told me he had been in a bad relationship and had to cut contact with everyone, again said we should meet up, never did as the same thing happened again, he got back with his ex.

my question/problem is, I’ve always had phases where I can’t stop thinking about him, I just want to be able to speak to him/see him. We had an amazing connection, brilliant friendship and amazing sex. basically, it always comes back to him. I’m in a relationship, have been for nearly 4 years, but nothing ever feels good enough after a few months and I always go back to thinking about him.

Is anyone in a similar situation? Is it the BPD that does this? It’s driving me crazy, I just want it to go away.

Thanks in advance.

 

[Fairy Lucretia]

welcome to the forum x love Lu x

 

[bpd2020]

Hello Lauren and welcome to the forum. It sounds like this man has provided you with nice memories. Maybe being with him reminds you of a good time and you want to get that back. I can understand you thinking of him as you were very good friends. I know it is hard but I think you need to let him go now so you can focus on your relationship. He will always be part of your past but you deserve a happy future.

 

[lauren5412]

Thank you for the welcome and the reply

I wish it was easy to let him go. This may sound bad, but I’ve been in a lot of relationships and never ever had this. 13 years it’s been going on and I know it’s probably because I’m not feeling fulfilled with what I have.

We never had a relationship, it was always casual and I was fine with that, I assumed he was too. I think it also has a lot to do with we’ve kept going back to each other, that’s probably making it harder to forget him, subconsciously I probably think it will happen again. I don’t know

I wish I knew how to move on from this.