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Partners Anxiety

H

harrowppp

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I'm after some advice if possible. I met my girlfriend 18 months ago. She soon became the love of my life and it was clear we adored one another. We got engaged at christmas and agreed to buy a house together shortly after. This though seemed to be the start of our troubles. Soon after I started noticing short but explosive bouts of anger, questioning, acting out. Eventually I asked her about to which she replied that she had had anxiety for about ten years and that it stemmed from a poor childhood and a previous partner beating her up. I held her all night that night re-assuring her that we were moving to a better life.
Things calmed down for a while but then the anger came, she started to become violent towards me, and if all else failed she resorted to self harm.
Then 3 weeks ago she seemed to have a panic attack that took me 30 minutes to help calm. I suggested she go back to her house for an hour so she could calm herself and I'd follow behind. When I got to her house all the doors were locked. I tried calling but to no avail. I tried a few more times that night but no answer. Then when I tried the following day all numbers were blocked. I've now only had one message in 3 weeks and we have lost the house.
I love this girl so much but I am so confused and hurt by all this. I feel she may have got totally overwhelmed with the house move but I just can't get my head round her shutting off from me.
Any advice regarding her actions and the links with her anxiety would be greatly received. I want to be there to support her but she is pushing me away.
 
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Talula67

Talula67

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Awe bless you @harrowppp I am sorry you are having all this heartbreak from your relationship.

It sounds to me that she has been freaked out with the potential commitment. Can I ask you how old you both are?

Also the one message in 3 weeks, did she give you an explanation for her ghosting you? Did she say perhaps she needed to slow things down abit?

I don't mean to rub salt in the wound but do you think there may be someone else on the scene?

In the 18 months you were together did you meet any of her family or friends?

I'm sorry to ask so many questions but it's hard to advice with so little information.

I am really sorry for your pain and welcome to the forums :hug1:
 
H

harrowppp

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Awe bless you @harrowppp I am sorry you are having all this heartbreak from your relationship.

It sounds to me that she has been freaked out with the potential commitment. Can I ask you how old you both are?

Also the one message in 3 weeks, did she give you an explanation for her ghosting you? Did she say perhaps she needed to slow things down abit?

I don't mean to rub salt in the wound but do you think there may be someone else on the scene?

In the 18 months you were together did you meet any of her family or friends?

I'm sorry to ask so many questions but it's hard to advice with so little information.

I am really sorry for your pain and welcome to the forums :hug1:
Yes I'm 49, she's 42.
The message read that she didn't really know what was going on but she loved me and still wanted to be with me.
I don't think there's anybody else as so much of our time was spent together with her daughter. It feels like i'm losing a daughter in this deal as well.
And yes we had met all of each others family and everyone got on well. In fact the day before she left we had been to my nans funeral and despite the reason we had had a really close day.
All she had wanted for 6 months was to sell both our houses and move into one that was ours. She said it would give her the security she craved, but just a few days after we had been given a provisional date to move she upped and left.
 
Talula67

Talula67

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Perhaps giving her the breathing space will bring her round. Sometimes once we let go, things come back.

I know it's easier said than done but it sounds like she has been triggered with issues from her past that are nothing to do with you, but for her to deal with.

It is so hard I know I have been in a similar situation. My advice would be to try your very best to let go and concentrate on self-care.

If things are meant for us, they won't pass us by. I know we need answers and our hopes and dreams have been smashed when this happens but it sounds like she has become very unwell by the relationship. Which is about her issues and nothing to do with you.

This is a risk we take in intimate relationships and she needs to come out of her fight or flight and look at what is happening (the bigger picture) We have to let go to enable her to do this. If she has been in an abusive relationship in the past she probably has unhealed Complex PTSD.

I hope this helps abit. :hug1: and it's easier said than done 🙏but it is doable.
 
Bod

Bod

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I can't really put much more than what Talula67 above has said already, but you might know that in stress tests one of the ones that is in the top 3 is Moving homes.
 
H

harrowppp

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I can't really put much more than what Talula67 above has said already, but you might know that in stress tests one of the ones that is in the top 3 is Moving homes.
I know but we were so close to fulfilling her dream.
It’s so difficult, I love this girl and I know she loves me. There was such an intense love from her which seemed to disappear overnight. I can’t believe the love went, it just feels like she got totally overwhelmed.
 
Bod

Bod

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She might just want a bit of time on her own but not sure, I think she will come back to you I really do but it might take her a little while longer.
 
H

harrowppp

Member
Joined
Aug 29, 2021
Messages
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Location
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Perhaps giving her the breathing space will bring her round. Sometimes once we let go, things come back.

I know it's easier said than done but it sounds like she has been triggered with issues from her past that are nothing to do with you, but for her to deal with.

It is so hard I know I have been in a similar situation. My advice would be to try your very best to let go and concentrate on self-care.

If things are meant for us, they won't pass us by. I know we need answers and our hopes and dreams have been smashed when this happens but it sounds like she has become very unwell by the relationship. Which is about her issues and nothing to do with you.

This is a risk we take in intimate relationships and she needs to come out of her fight or flight and look at what is happening (the bigger picture) We have to let go to enable her to do this. If she has been in an abusive relationship in the past she probably has unhealed Complex PTSD.

I hope this helps abit. :hug1: and it's easier said than done 🙏but it is doable.
So does this all seem like a familiar tale for people with anxiety?
 
Talula67

Talula67

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So does this all seem like a familiar tale for people with anxiety?
Have a little read of the information above on these links. I am not a doctor or psychiatrist but it sounds like it and yes it's all part of anxiety.

The good news is, you can get well from this and there is ALWAYS hope.
:grouphug:
 
H

harrowppp

Member
Joined
Aug 29, 2021
Messages
5
Location
UK
Have a little read of the information above on these links. I am not a doctor or psychiatrist but it sounds like it and yes it's all part of anxiety.

The good news is, you can get well from this and there is ALWAYS hope.
:grouphug:
Thanks. I just hope she reaches out so we can finally get her the help she’s needed.
 
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