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Partner with severe social anxiety

i_must_be_mad

i_must_be_mad

Well-known member
Joined
May 2, 2016
Messages
123
Location
South england
I been with lovely lady for couple years now.

It is generally OK but in times of stress even general stress, her anxieties go through the roof.

I myself have had troubles myself but these days I have faced and overcome worries and troubles and pretty settled work wise and managed to go from zero friends and no real family support to knowing and enjoying lots very different but nice people

I do love my girlfriend but her reactions to many situations are very hard to cope with for myself also as she can get extreme anxieties about things going on for her daughter, whose life is going well and even her daughter doesn't worry about them.
BTW her daughter is adult independent and in good relationship herself.

We are definitely opposite ends of liking or not liking social scenarios but it has seemed to work OK.

It's just sometimes I can get frustrated by things that I know cause her way too much trouble than they needs be

She is not on any anxiety meds. She imo probably definitely social anxiety sufferer and she is incredible perfection in certain things and definitely shows elements of suffering from OCD.

She will never consider any kind therapy help or meds. I always been very open to all this myself personally and its helped me.

Any other social anxiety sufferers is therapy very frightening prospect. I won't be able ever to get her to seek any kind help and I do love her and although it can be very hard me dealing with her extremes, have any others any kind advice.

Generally I have grin bear it until things calm down. Mostly I deal ok with it but when on some occasions it does seem easily avoidable it can cause myself deep stress as I am completely unable at all to help in anyways at all, which I would very much like but it's an impossible dream.

But very often as a partner it can be extremely challenging and even though pretty certain I wouldn't some times I get fleeting thoughts life could be so much easier than it is on occasions.

Any advice or words of support would be greatly welcome if anyone feels they can understand..
 
i_must_be_mad

i_must_be_mad

Well-known member
Joined
May 2, 2016
Messages
123
Location
South england
Bump

Not had any replies to my message

Does anyone have any snippets of advice as to what I posted..

Indeed just if anyone replies at least I know its been read even if can't relate to the appropriate answer..

Thank you.

No troubles..
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
7,892
Location
Nashua NH
Hi there I read your message along with the 33 others who have read it. My guess is that more people haven’t replied because it is difficult to know what to say. It seems like a no win situation. If you push her to get help nothing happens. If you don’t push her to get help things stay the same. I guess I would continue to address the issue with her and tell her how much it matters to you that she get help for the problems that you have described here. I’m not sure there is much else you can do. xo, j
 
Darwin the fish

Darwin the fish

Active member
Joined
Apr 16, 2021
Messages
32
Location
UK
I am a sufferer of social anxiety, which has been something my partner has had to deal with for years. Unfortunately now he too is suffering and I worry it was by my influence..

I'm not sure if I can offer much useful advice, as someone who has never been able to get over the anxiety but is simply muddling through, but being on the other side of it, and seeing my partner avoiding situations can be incredibly frustrating because sometimes there really feels like there is no rational reasoning. On the other hand being forced into a situation that for one reason or another you really do not feel comfortable in can also be incredibly distressing, so I can understand it from both angles..

Have you tried just talking to her about this?
 
i_must_be_mad

i_must_be_mad

Well-known member
Joined
May 2, 2016
Messages
123
Location
South england
Yes talked to her a lot

She very very quiet when out with people we know well. Normally I comfortable in conversation but I been where she is.

I often was very anxious in company but over long period this has gradually got so much easier over time and put myself in uncomfortable situations and found myself scenarios improved

I definitely find it challenging her not saying anything. It can make me more on edge than I normally would do.

She allows me socialise but when she around, she finds it difficult if I not right by her side, linked arms etc.

Yes talked a lot about it. She just says when in company, she never knows what to say.

She tends to pre judge everything she may or may not say. I understand this as years ago, I would be like this but always like it with work colleagues.

We do really like each other and obviously covid lockdown it's been us alone for long time but social situations starting up again and we seem less connected and the differences are more evident.

I not sure if I happier and more secure than as single man as could meet with who I wanted whenever to seeing one particular person every day.

There is loads respect both ways but some of her, it's just how I am, and thinking ahead, like holidays, random chats with strangers, friends going round or otherwise, I more on edge

I love her but thinking like this is my best match partner, I unsure...


I not been in any relationship for a long time, so it's very different for me anyway.. We been together 18 months now so reasonable amount of time
 
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