Partner left me and kids including our baby Christmas Eve

F

Freddo

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Joined
Dec 30, 2015
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1
Hi All
I'm just after some support, my partner who I love very much left us on Xmas Eve and didn't come back till Boxing Day! His excuse was he thought I had said something nasty about his family which I didn't! He left his family here for me to deal with in Xmas eve , when they went home I was so worried I contacted police and they searched for him, when they found him he told them not to tell me where he was but I was assured by the police that he was on his own and no one else involved he was sleeping in car! He had a breakdown! His sister who he is very close to through out the night was trying to make me believe he'd been cheating on me! He spent Xmas with her and not me or the kids and missed our babies 1st Xmas! His sister was meant to come for dinner but then decided not to come and ignored my calls and didn't re assure me in any way that her brother was ok, despite the fact she knew I was sick with worry and confused as to why he just left! Boxing Day he contacted me and wanted to know exactly what I had said and he believed me , he said if I don't accept his family re his sister there is no U.S. ,he came back bxing day night a shadow of himself and then he relaxed after a while , his family came round for dinner and we just got on with it! But I'm struggling with the whole sutuation, he needs to know his beloved sister does not think much of him at all and that we are back together but No thanks to her! We both said we would put it all behind us and start a fresh, I'm glad he's back but I've had no apology from him or reassurance that he's here to stay! His sister told me so many lies that night,she loved the fact that he wasn't home with us Xmas and she was hoping I wouldn't take him back but I have, she's always around our house but I can't get over the fact that my partner left me and the kids Xmas eve to defend her about something I did not say, and she was not helping the matter by lying to me about her brother and then refusing to talk to me and reassure me he was ok! How do I tell him about his sisters evil ways without him turning against me again! The sense of betrayal is unbearable for me as much as I love him,I know his sister is playing games and he cannot see it x
 
Gajolene

Gajolene

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Record her if you can. That would prove it, but you should not have to, he obviously has trust issues. What kind of man is so selfish as to leave his wife and kids christmas eve regardless of a stupid fight or assumption that is unjustified. This is super manipulative on his part and emotionally abusive to you and your kids. Don't let him turn the blame on you for his own selfish and insensitive actions. This is unacceptable behaviour in my opinion. He's ruined your christmas and given your kids terrible memories in the process not to mention you. For what selfishness, a temper tantrum?
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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Nov 23, 2015
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17,158
Hi OP

sadly when theres a situation or buried feelings within a family Christmas can bring it to the surface

Sad

At least he went off somewhere safe instead of heading for the nearest strip joint

Its so hard when its family.

Best

BDU
 
C

Crazy Lady In Stanton

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Aug 29, 2015
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This guy does not sound mature enough to be in a relationship. It sounds like he's a spoiled boy, not a man. A man does not have temper tantrums. A man puts his family's needs first. A man does not put his sister first before his woman and his kids.
 
Jaminacaranda

Jaminacaranda

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A man does not put his sister first before his woman and his kids.
Quite right - but some men do. I lived with one for 20 years. When he used the word 'family' he did not mean me, his partner, and his only child. He meant his four siblings - and he always put their needs above ours. It was one of the reasons I finally decided to leave him.

Freddo, I write this to let you know you are not alone. Yes, I think you need to talk about what has happened with your partner but my advice would be give it some time to allow the dust to settle and both you and your partner to calm down and get back to some semblance of normality. That way you will approach the situation more rationally and be less likely to fly off the handle and start accusing his sister of malice and your partner of betrayal because if you do, you may risk losing him forever.

Bear in mind that he might have 'run-away' because he was genuinely torn between his loyalty to his sister and you and the children and simply couldn't deal with it emotionally. Personally, I would not insist on an 'apology'. People struggle with apologies because they apportion blame and he may feel he simply made a mistake and at the time was not to blame.
However, you need to tell your partner exactly how his disappearance at such a time year affected you, and the children, emotionally. He may not fully understand if you don't explain it to him. Hopefully, if he is a good man, he will feel apologetic for what he has put you and the children through and you will both be able to move on from this.

Be prepared - you might need to state exactly what you expect from him in terms of 'loyalty'. You might need to say 'From now on, myself and the children come first - not your sister.' You don't want to imply you'd prefer him to cut off contact with his sister completely - I doubt anyone would stand for that, but you have the right to expect you and the children to be his number one priority. Be strong.

Hugs and good luck :)
 
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