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partner has BPD someone please please help me!!

M

markyb

New member
Joined
Mar 2, 2010
Messages
2
hi guys, dont normally write in these forums but cant take it any more. I desperately need help. My partner has BPD ( borderline personality disorder). We found this out last week. For months now it feels like i have copped every kind of abuse possible. Every day it is something. Shes un reasonable, very difficult, agressive, and really not very pleasant to be around. I have been hit a few times. Ive had to call police on her for domestic violence, ive had to protect her child from flying objects. Shes broken her foot from kicking things, i mean its just completely out of control and i cant take it any more but getting rid of her is proving more difficult than id thought. I have a 2 year old and she ( my partner) has a 3 year old. Im always walking on eggshells, the slightest thing could set her off for example if the cat gets in her way all hell will break loose and she will just spiral out of control. Constant mood swings and throwing things. I feel like im trapped and cant escape this woman. I have tried everything to help her including dragging her to the doctors and going to counselling, cooking and cleaning so theres a bit less for her to do. Im not in the mental state either to deal with it as i have not long recovered from a breakdown from my previous relationship. But im too busy thinking of how to keep her calm and collected to even think about myself at the moment. Im at my wits end. And to top it off i have had to take her to the hospital 3 times in the last 7 days because shes overdosed on her medication. Ive had to lock myself and my daughter in the bathroom to hide from her until the police arrive. I mean thats not right i know its not but im scared to throw her out coz of her reaction, im scared to end the relationship coz of her reaction and im scared to ask her to leave because of her reaction. And i really have tried everything to help her but nothings working. Its never going to be enough and she wont help herself. I just wanna give up. Someone out there must have some good advice for me. Thanks for taking the time to listen to my story.
 
A

Ainsworth

Guest
you took her 3 times to hospital for ODs in the last 7 days??? who the hell is incharge of her care??? where is her team in all this???

:welcome: by the way
 
schiz01

schiz01

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 16, 2009
Messages
721
Location
Australia
Sounds like a difficult situation
Her behavior is totally unacceptable and you need to take a strong stance regarding this.
She is obviously suffering a great deal but thats no excuse.
The words tough love come to mind and it sounds like she has some serious lessons to learn in regards to how she treats those around her.
Get her the help she needs ...if she refuses kick her out till she learns to behave her self

my 2 cents learnt from bitter experience
 
B

bebe

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 4, 2008
Messages
284
I feel for you as this person through no fault of her own is dragging you down and you cannot carrying on living like that.
Like some one else has stated where is this girls care team? docs etc they should be there helping and giving you some advice on how to deal with this girl when these episodes start.
I can quiet fully understand the thoughts u are getting when u state i dare not throw her out or finish with her because u do not know how she would react, that's a terrible guilt thought on you and can cause you to have serious paranoia so my own personal advice to you is get her to a doctor and demand extra help because this is now effecting you and your child's life as well.
Hope all goes well for you ,,my thoughts are with you on this
 
XMHA

XMHA

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2010
Messages
49
Location
United States
I agree with a lot of the other posters here. She needs help. But unfortunately, you can't make her. Your first concern should be your children. If she doesn't get help, why would you even consider keeping your children in that situation?!
 
S

*Sapphire*

Guest
BPD is no excuse for domestic violence or child abuse. That is unacceptable.

Your children will not understand BPD or what it means. At that age all they will understand in this situation is fear and are likely to assume it is them that provoked the anger.

Your partner needs help and the children need protecting and to feel secure. Whatever you do they must be your first considerations.
 
M

markyb

New member
Joined
Mar 2, 2010
Messages
2
Thanks so much for the advice guys. What i have done is rang around and got her help for BPD from a specialist who has referred her onto a counsellor and a support group. I have gone out of my way to get her the help she needs, her foot is now in the door, all she has to do is take the advice and show up to all her appointments. And have also given her an ultimatum that if this behaviour carries on then she has to move immediately. And ive told her the effect it is having on the kids. Her daughter is starting to immitate the tantrums, shes 3 and when something doesnt go her way she reacts in exactly the same way that my partner does. And she knows this. And its not the kids fault either, kids immitate the behaviour of the people they look up to. But with patience and talking to the child calmly it seems to control it at the moment. I only have my daughter here 50 percent of the time and i sure as hell dont want her to see that let alone my step daughter but unfortunately i cant keep her with me : (. So i think i have to be firm and stand my ground and stick to my word. And even if i do have to seperate from her i will still continue to try help her but from a distance unfortunately. Shes got the chance now to change it and time will tell if she follows it up. I believe she does want to change but she has a ' oh whats that gonna do to help attitude' its almost like she wants to be shipped away to a rehab clinic or a hospital or something. But the doctor has made it clear that thats not going to happen and she just needs to learn skills to control it. And i agree. Time will tell. Thanks guys for taking the time to try and help me out. I value every persons views who have replied to this post. Thankyou
 
S

*Sapphire*

Guest
I hope it all works out well for you all.

I hope you don't mind me asking this, but please look after the 3 year old child and whatever happens make sure she is well supported. Having objects thrown at her at 3 by her mum may leave her with some difficult lasting memories and impressions.
 
W

Watercolours

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 20, 2010
Messages
66
Hi

It sounds like you are going through a very difficult time right now, wanting to be there for your partner to offer support and love at such a difficult time in her life, but also you have to protect your children.
Your right about your children, a 3 year old will start to copy what an adult does and also they will remember this kind of behaviour and it will have an influence on them as they grow up, especially among other kids in nursery as well.

You have given your partner the ultimatum let’s hope she takes the help, you could also speak to your GP about seeing what kind of long term therapy options are available for people who are diagnosed with BPD in your area through the hospital.

Good Luck
 
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